I am stuck.

I was looking at my moms things today. There is so much stuff. It is a long process because as I go through her house I stop to reminise about all of our times together and each item has a story. She was ultra organized and I find myself laughing over some of her things. We would sometimes go through her drawers sorting items and get the giggles over some of the dumbest things. I sit on the corner of the couch and look at her chair where we spent so many hours napping, watching TV or just gossiping. Mom felt she should know everything that went on in our families or with our/her friends. I would say "Mom, you don't need to know all this." She would actually bristle and say I need to know everything. Then I would change the subject. But I really told her everything that my siblings would say not to. Unless it was really upsetting but she took care of us and she was the strongest person I knew. She had a way of letting me know I could trust her. When she was in the last stages of death, the pastor of the nursing home told me that there is a bond between mothers and daughters that they teach and guide us and when we are older they become friends of us. They have shown us they way and as I got older we became mother and child but alot of best friends and friend to travel with. My friends mom just died and she feels alot of bitterness. He mother was cruel and Mary never got to experience all of the joy me and my family did. For the last 20 years if we did not take a plane to travel my mom was with. She would annoy me but she could get me out of it quickly. I miss her so much. My siblings and I were adopted and she could tell that story all the time. We never felt like we didn't belong. We had plenty of bad times when I was growing up. When I was 16 my dad died and he was 63. I hated that my parents were the same age as other kids grandparents. Well I digress. I aam hoping this blog will help me work through my feelings and I feel good being able to share with others who are experiencing loss.

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Comment by Dana LaPaglia on July 12, 2010 at 4:04pm
Hi Deb, Sorry for the loss of your Mom! I too lost my Mom my Best Friend on March 6, 2009. I still miss Her so very much some Days are harder than others I cry alot when I am alone not letting anybody know how much pain I am in! I feel like I am suppose to be over it by now at least that is what I am told. So remember there are so many others that share in your pain! and are here to talk. My Prayers are with You. p.s. If You havent already light a candle I know it may sound silly but I light one every night well actually 4 one for my mom ,dad, brother & father inlaw ,it really does help I fell closer to them. Dana.
Comment by Elizabeth Ramirez on June 24, 2010 at 9:34pm
hello Deb... so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom July 2009. My daughter's birthday that day too.It has been hard for me. Fot the past year since mom passed, I have been on the couch.Sort of motionless,eventhough I have to go to work. I got real sick too , depressed as well. it has been a tough road! Mom and I through the years had been up and down on our closessness. I was there when mom died, I was holding her hand. She waited till I fell asleep to pass! :( so sad! :(

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