2 years ago, I bought pizza. We watched movies. Me, mom and tita.
A year ago, I brought pasta and chicken. We watched soaps. Me and mom.
Today. I bought ice cream. And i stare at my monitor. It's just me now.
I miss celebrating my birthday with you both.
The teasing, the second and third serving of our favorite treats, giving our own theories on the movie plots, sleeping in the middle of the film and having to catch up, cheering for the handsome character. I miss you both...

Tita, I cant believe its been years since cancer whispered for you to move on.
Mom, I cant believe its been months since chronic kidney failure bid you to rest.
Today isnt the same without you. Im sorry. I wanted to give you both the world. I wanted to provide for everything you needed. Im sorry I failed. Im sorry youre gone.

When dad died and i was so young you both were my strength.
I didnt know what loss was and i barely had any recollection.
Tita, as mom's sister, you gave her the support she needed when she lost her husband. And thats why she is the best mom there is. And mom, you showed tita that she need not get married to be part of a family. she was always a part of ours.

We were the Tres Marias who did everything together.
You two have to hang out without me for now.
And i have to learn to go on without you.
One day on my own time i'll surprise you there.
And we would talk and laugh and spend time together forever.

Now i'll just have to continue eating my ice cream and finish writing this.
Its another day of getting through the heartache of your loss by filling my heart with memories of your love.

Happy Birthday to me.
My best gift will always be being loved by both of you.

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Tags: birthday, happy, mom, tita

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Comment by anne on September 16, 2013 at 6:51pm

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful! You didn't fail them. From reading this you gave them both so much love, and good times. That doesn't sound like a failure to me! What awesome memories you have to hold on to. Your not really spending your birthday alone. I got a feeling they are right there with you! Happy Birthday to you! Peace for your heart. Anne

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