I lost my dad on December 11th very unexpectedly to a massive heart attack. He was my heart. He came to visit me in my new home on the 10th and on the 11th we did some shopping and I bough him lunch. He had complained of a pulled musle or perhaps a broken rib but didn't want to go to the doctor because he didn't feel it was bad enough but would go if the pain got worse. After lunch he wanted a nap, when he was getting ready to nap I noticed his color was off and I told him that he would just have to be mad but i was taking him to the er thinking a broke rib could mess with your lungs. I think he knew something was not right because he agreed and I drove him to the er. At the ER they told us he was having a heart attack and he would have to be airlifted to another hospital that had a cath lab and facilities to take care of him. I walked his stretcher all the way to the helicopter and I couldn't reach him because the stretcher was so high but I kissed my hand and put it to his forehead and told him I would see him he would wake up from surgery. He told me he loved me too! When I arrived at the hospital I was treated horribly. There was no person waiting for me in the cath lab waiting room where i was instructed to be and the doors were locked to the room as well. I went into the er where i had to ring a door bell t times to get anyone and i was instructed to just wait in the er waiting room. Over the loud speaker I heard Code Blue in Cath Lab...I knew at that time it was my dad...I started to panic and freak out as people in the waiting room laughed at me as they thought i was some drug head off the street acting crazy....My mother, my dad's ex wife had someone from the er contact someone...Eventually and administrator came down and they unlocked the cath lab waiting room where I waited 20 minutes...The doctors finally came out and told me that unfortunately they had nothing but bad news that my dad had passed away and he had horrible heart disease....We never knew he had heart disease and i know he was not aware either as I contacted his regular doctor afterwards...They asked if I wanted to see my dad and I said ofcourse I did....I expected that he would be cleaned up but unfortunately that was not the case....they took me back to see my father with a tube in his throat, blood coming out of the side of his mouth, his arms and head hanging off of the table....These are memories i have trapped in my mind....I can never forget these....I told them that I wanted to have him cleaned up before my uncle arrived because nobody deserved to see a loved one like that ever....I had my dad removed from the hospital by the funeral home that night as I was not going to allow him to stay there one more minute than necessary....I gave him an appropriate funeral service and by his wishes had him cremated. I now have his ashes...i have 3 other siblings but both were estranged from my dad and don't share the fond memories of him that I have....I feel so very alone and like my heart is in 5 million pieces!!!! I'm afraid to go back to my new home now, I have no idea why i'm afraid I know if my dad came back to visit in spirit form he would never hurt me but i'm afraid still...I have anxiety beyond belief due to this....I'm so lost that I have actually got my immune system down and had to go to the er with bronchitis, resp infection and 102 degree fever....Where do I go from here?