We must always remember that every person’s situation is different, and every person’s unique experience and personality plays a role in their grief. There’s no time limit for “getting over it,” and …

We must always remember that every person’s situation is different, and every person’s unique experience and personality plays a role in their grief.

There’s no time limit for “getting over it,” and “moving on.” I’m still amazed at how prevalent this view is in society, and also how limiting and damaging it is for those who need to mourn in order to heal and create a new life out of their experience of loss.

To quote from Mary Oliver’s “The Uses of Sorrow,” as I’ve done before in Hello Grief:

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift.

The new life we create after loss doesn’t put the grief behind. If we are wise, in time, the experience of loss softens and changes us, and our “gift” is helping others through the “darkness.”

Views: 62

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Julie Ann Finch on June 18, 2012 at 5:02pm

 i had to remove the breathing tube from my dad and he was only 68 years old. but i knew he would not like having a trach in his throat and moved into a nursing home cause his new wife did not want to care for him. he had trouble breathing due to smoking and would have suffered. david they say opposites attract... so looks like it work her calling the shots?

Comment by David H on June 18, 2012 at 4:56pm

these are comforting words.Your automatically in the grief mood,I cannot stop witnessing her dying because I allowed the breathing tube to be removed because of her condition and how it went down hill.No I imagine there is no time limit I imagine she will come back home and raise holly hell about the way I have been running things.It was that way for 35 yrs but I loved her anyway and I wish I could have done something to prevent it all from happending.

Latest Activity

James D. Thornsberry and Natasha are now friends
Monday
James D. Thornsberry posted a photo

Jim

Life at Online Grief Support
Monday
Jennifer replied to Robin H's discussion Lost my Partner who wasn't my partner in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Welcome to the group.  I lost my partner on February 5th this year, so it's still pretty raw for me too.  Reading through your story really touched a chord with me.  Like you, I didn't think I would ever find a group like…"
May 1
Jennifer joined Cathy Richardson's group
Thumbnail

Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
May 1
Jennifer and William Gardener are now friends
May 1
dream moon JO B commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"i miss mom so mush i do"
Apr 11
Susan E Marshall commented on Susan E Marshall's photo
Thumbnail

My husband

"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
Apr 6
Natasha updated their profile
Apr 5

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service