RatherNotSay
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  • Houston, TX
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Not really feeling anything

My family is made up of my mom, my 2 sisters, 1 adopted sister (who lives elsewhere), 2 kid brothers, B (a family friend who is more like a grandfather), my significant other, and Mike ( B's son, who…Continue

Started Sep 7, 2018

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RatherNotSay posted a discussion

Not really feeling anything

My family is made up of my mom, my 2 sisters, 1 adopted sister (who lives elsewhere), 2 kid brothers, B (a family friend who is more like a grandfather), my significant other, and Mike ( B's son, who also dated my mom). A couple months ago, a week before Mike's 40th birthday, he collapsed suddenly and started saying he was in pain and wanted to go to the hospital. (For Mike this is a big deal because he always refuses to go to the doctor ever since he had and got over cancer a few years ago.) I…See More
Sep 7, 2018
RatherNotSay is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 7, 2018

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About my Loss:
My family is large. Its my mom, me, my two brothers, two sisters, and adopted sister,an old family friend who is basically more like a grandpa to me, my significant other, and the family friends son, who is also an old family friend who also dated my mom and they still really cared about each other and were talking about being together forever. The son's name was Mike. Exactly a week before his 40th birthday he suddenly collapsed. I was at work at the time. My family called an ambulance but the ambulance driver told him it was a pinched nerve probably causing his extreme pain. The ambulance driver wouldn't take him to the hospital, only offered to load him into his vehicle for my family to take him. Mike was always stubborn about going to the doctor after he had cancer, and after the ambulance drive left he just refused to go. About six hours later, he collapsed again and was crying in pain. (I had just gotten home.) When I saw how he was deteriorating, I told my family we had to force him to go. We struggled to get him in the car (my sisters, my significant other and I, because my brothers are only 9 and 10 and my mom and B (the family friend)both have old injuries that prevent them from heavy lifting. Mike was at the first hospital for a few hours and we waited while they did surgery. Turns out he had a torn aorta. They took him by helicopter to another hospital where they had better ability to do the surgery. We followed (my mom, B, and I) and we met his brother in law and niece at the hospital. He was in surgery for hours and then they came out and said that sadly the surgery (which they told us had a less than 1% chance of be successful)was successful but they declared him brain dead. They let us say goodbye and then they took him off the machines.

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Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
50 minutes ago
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
Monday

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