Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
My family is made up of my mom, my 2 sisters, 1 adopted sister (who lives elsewhere), 2 kid brothers, B (a family friend who is more like a grandfather), my significant other, and Mike ( B's son, who also dated my mom). A couple months ago, a week before Mike's 40th birthday, he collapsed suddenly and started saying he was in pain and wanted to go to the hospital. (For Mike this is a big deal because he always refuses to go to the doctor ever since he had and got over cancer a few years ago.) I was at work at the time, but my family called and told me they thought he was having a heart attack and called an ambulance. A little bit later they called me and told me that the ambulance driver told mike it was probably just a pinched nerve in his back and the ambulance drivers wouldn't take him. They only offered to carry him to his truck so my family could drive him. After hearing them say it was only a pinched nerve Mike didn't want to go. The ambulance guys left. About six hours later, right after I came home, Mike collapsed again and I noticed he was deteriorating and that he was wasn't really all there. I told my mom that whether he liked it or not, we were taking him to the hospital. My 2 sisters, my significant other, and I tried to lift him and carry him to the car. He was too heavy and the whole time he was going in and out of consciousness crying that it hurt over and over. We got him to the porch where we had to lay and down and get a pillow for his head. I ran to get the neighbors to help. Another neighbor pulled up and jumped out to help to. They got him into the car and his dad and one of my sisters drove him to the hospital. My mom and I comforted my brothers and then we followed. He was in surgery for a little while at the hospital. We took my sister home because she was not handling it well. Then we waited while they found someone who would be willing to do surgery. Turns out his aorta was torn all along. They told us he had a less than 1% chance of surviving the surgery, but that they were going to find a specialist asap that was willing to try. They took him by helicopter to another hospital. We followed and met his niece and brother in law at the hospital. Sadly, his mom and sister and other niece were out of town. They started driving/flying back as soon as they could. After hours of surgery, they came out and told us that the surgery was successful, but because he had been lost a couple times at the first hospital and once at the second, he was declared brain dead and wouldnt have any quality of life. His dad told them they could turn off the machines and we all said our goodbyes. I m had been numb up to this point but I broke down when mys sister, cousin, and significant other all asked me to say goodbye to him for them. It hurt so much. He didn't look like himself. The doctor cried with us because she had tried for us but it didnt work out. We still celebrated his birthday still and then had his funeral the next day. That wasnt the end of everything though. The ambulance company came to apologize, but all they were doing was digging for info to get themselves out of it. Family members of his that werent even there were telling the company how traumatized they were. My family was hurting so bad and we just wanted to grieve. I will never forget trying to carry him to the car but I wasnt strong enough and hugging him and telling him it was going to be ok as he cried that it hurt, and his eyes kept rolling into his head and we were covered in his sweat and other stuff when he lost control of his bladder. And they were sitting there talking about how traumatized they were. All it became for them was about was money. His mom, who he disliked and who was abusive towards him as a child, told my mom we werent his real family and then she just kept trying to control everything and even stole some of his jerseys from his dads and his closet. All she kept talking about was the life insurance. And on and on with stuff like that. I can tell my family is having a hard time and my mom is falling apart. I want to help them. Im scared though because I'm starting to feel kind of numb to everything. Everything I do doesn't feel like it should. I might feel sad or happy or something but a big of me always feels disconnected from everything. I'm scared something is going to happen to someone else in my family. I've had problems with depression in the past and I had dealt with it and have been managing it for years but I'm afraid that I'm getting closer to tipping. I don't want to be numb. I love my family. I try to take care of them and be strong for all of them. I dont want them to worry about me and not see me as strong, because I feel like I have to be strong for them to be able to lean on me. I don't know how to handle my moms angry outbursts because she is depressed. when she gets mad she say things like " I know it wasn't a big deal to you, but it mattered to me." (talking about mike's passing) She even snapped and tackled my sisters boyfriend because she thought he was calling her a liar when they were arguing. I just want my family to be happy again. I can tell my little brother is hurting a lot about it and he keeps acting up, but everyone just gets mad at him, even when I defend him and point out that he is hurting just as much as anyone if not more, because he has never experienced anything near this. I'm afraid its going to make him depressed and have a huge negative impact on him.