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Comment by tara glasshoff on August 3, 2011 at 2:32am

This is how I am feeling right now and I don't know how to get over my mom dying so sorry for your loss hun I am here if you need to talk

Comment by Sue Rodman on August 1, 2011 at 3:54pm

No! You are NOT reading too much into these events, I promise you. Your mom has a hand in all of these things. I feel so very bad that you were not there when your mother was reborn (again, a year ago I would not have been using this language). I too felt guilty because, at the exact moment that Marie died, I was in the hospice lobby trying to catch her 13 year old son. As she went, she had this totally blank look on her face. She was still alive, but she looked about 25 years old again. She looked as if she was gazing beyond her immediate surroundings. Just previous to this  occurance, I told a friend of hers that her son was due in 15 minutes. It was at that point that she began to go away, first with this eerie gaze. I immediately went to intercept Sam, her 13 year old, because I didn't want him to see her inthis state (it bothered me for a long time myself--sam was particularly fearful that death would be painful or scary for her). While I was waiting for him, mu sister-in-law told me to come. As I walked into the room, she took her last breath. I was able to gather her in my arms and assure her that Sam would be OK, that I knew she was still in the room, and that I would make sure that Sam was alright, that she had provided well for him with her insurance. NOW FOR THE GUILT PART: Was my sister seeing me leaving the room at the exact time of her passing? Did she know I was going to prevent Sam from seeing her dying? Was that truly her message to me as she so abruptly left when I said that Sam was due in 15 minutes? Or did she think I was abandoning her at her time of need? As it happened, Sam did not arrive until Marie had totally moved on to her new life (I think she was still in the room when Sam arrived though, and he had a good hour or so alone with her earthly body and her spirit. In my subsequent reading, I found some peace and answers to these questions. They don't matter. (Though I will admit that I still wrestle with regret). As the person transitions into the afterlife, they obtain a knowledge of things that we are not privy to. Your mom knows how you feel and your regrets. Look at the daisies in your yard! She understands all now. Our regrets are for ourselves, not for them. She knows that you are not clarvoiyant. She loves you. I still sob quite a bit about my sister too. I cry wherever and whenever I want. I just miss her so much. I am going to try a grief group. Maybe it will help. If you want to know what all I read that helped, let me know.   Susie

Comment by Heather Loehr on August 1, 2011 at 1:28pm

Thank you Sue so much. Butterflies have always been my thing. And for the last month there has been at least one monarch butterfly hanging around the yard. I like to think that it's her telling me all is well. And shortly after she passed I took a bouqey of white daisys up to her grave and within a couple of weeks I had wild daisys growing in both my front and backyard. It's hard to ignore these signs..but at times I feel I am just reading to much into things.

Comment by Sue Rodman on August 1, 2011 at 12:05pm

Heather--I lost my soulmate sister on April 20--now we really ARE soulmates. I too have suffered the should haves. They are terrible. Should I have insisted that the oncologist have her tissue samples examined IMMEDIATELY rather than when HE thought it was necessary?  Why was I out of town most weekends with my husband working on a retirement property for three years every summer? I could have been with her on weekends before her illness. The list goes on.  Heather, I was present on the day my sister died. What she said to me, and others that I couldn't see (those departed before) convinced this skeptic that there is indeed life after death. These were not hallucinations. She was fully concious as she described to me what she was seeing. She also told me that what was happening to her--her dying--"was really easy, Susie, it's so easy". Tell your mother all of these things now. I talk to my sister daily. I know she will be there to greet me when my time comes, as will your mom for you. The best advice I got after my sister's passing was to look for the little miracles all around you that show you that she still exists. Once I started looking, those little miracles came fast and furious. You still have a mother. I stll have a sister. They still exist. They are there for us.    Susie