"i miss mom so mush i do"
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Too Much Alike
Our children were always very close, and they were very alike. They were born 18 months apart, the boy first and then the girl. Both dark headed, brown eyed, they had the same mouths and eyes. They were also very intelligent, both growing up as honor students, excelling in their academics to the point where they each received full rides in their respective graduate schools. They were very competitive too, and that may have been part of their quest for excellence - to keep the challenge going for each other. They respected themselves, each other, and others they came into contact with.
Our son developed bone cancer when he was 15. It started in his right knee. He had surgery to replace the knee, and had chemo for 9 months. His attitude at the time was "when I am forty, I'll say that I had cancer for 9 months of my life". He went through chemo and we had a huge Cancer Free party on July 4, 2000.
In May 2001, he was diagnosed with cancer in his left ankle. Again he had surgery, this time to do a bone graft and then had chemo. This one was a little harder as the graft took a long time to heal, and it was stationary, preventing him from being able to bend his ankle at all. Still, he persevered, and he got through it and still came through his academics in the top 20 of his high school graduation class, and received scholarships to the university he wanted to attend.
Fast forward 6 years - he is a College graduate, now in 2nd year of Graduate school. In September 2007 he complains of pain in his left ankle again - like it was before. Can't be... But, yes, he has cancer again in the left ankle. This time the doctor says we can't save the leg, but that is okay with our son, he'd rather lose his leg than his life. No chemo this time, and 2 weeks after the surgery, he's at a halloween party as a shark attack victim, complete with a fake foot hanging over his right shoulder. I love that kid so much! He is SO awesome!
Then February 2008 - Dad has a heart attack - he's okay thank God, it will just take time to recover. June 2008 and Daughter, who is in her first year of graduate school, starts complaining of pain in her right knee. Everyone says - it's nothing, a strain, you've been working out too much. But no, She is diagnosed with bone cancer (a different more rare kind) in her right knee (Just like her brother). She has the same surgery her brother had, knee replacement and 9 months of terrible chemotherapy. How much more can we take, I wonder. I soon find out....
September brings us back to the doctor for a checkup for both our daughter and our son. He is complaining of pain in his right leg again. The news is much worse: Yes, he has cancer in his right thigh, and The cancer has metastisized to his lungs. The impact sends us reeling. He begins chemotherapy... both 'kids' in the hospital at the same time for a week at a time, in adjoining rooms , while continuing to attend school when they can. This is frigging unbelievable. A year of this terrible routine....
Then our daughter is finished with her treatment. She moves on, is continuing her studies and her life. She's taking excellent care of her body, eating right, exercising to build up strength. In the meantime, our son is continuing treatment, but it is changed to a less toxic treatment, allowing him to continue school and continue the fight for his life. During the following months, his treatment begins to include radiation to a tumor in his brain, as well as radiation to other areas of his body.
In June 2010, our daughter is diagnosed with metastisis of the cancer in her lungs, spine, kidney, pelvis and in many other areas of her body. At a meeting with all of their doctors, my husband and I are told that we are going to lose both of our children to cancer. Our daughter begins aggressive surgeries and radiation, but we are told that chemo will not help the cancer that she has. She is getting married in October - is she even going to be able to walk down the aisle? She does, and she is gorgeous - we are so thrilled that we could give her such a beautiful wedding!
On December 5, 2010 we lost our son, at the age of 26, here at home. We were blessed to have cared for him with such love. And tremendously sad that we lost such a positive, loving, kind and sharing spirit.
Our daughter fought on valiantly. She never gave up, even going through chemo knowing that it will not help, but cannot and will not give up. She doesn't want her dad and I to lose another child, nor does she want her husband to be alone. She continues her studies when she can, and never ever gives up, not even when she was taking her last breath here at home on August 31, 2011, at the age of 26.
They were close growing up, but both of them dying at the age of 26? I am so glad that they are together, but I want them here. I miss my kids....
Thanks for reading.
Sue
Views: 82
Comment
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Comment by Sue D on June 3, 2012 at 6:54pm
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Lynn, I do understand those questions, and will never understand how poeple so filled with hate or self loathing or who have no direction and are as lazy as the day is long, are still healthy and alive living their lives, when my kids, and so many other truly good people have been fighting to stay alive are taken away far far too soon, and denied the future that could have been. I will never understand, and maybe I am not meant to. It just doesn't make sense and neither do the deaths of our loved ones.
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Your welcome , Sue, and I think what great children they were, I will be thinking of you tommorrow, and I will light a candle to your daughter, Erica. You know what really gripes me about all of this, and I know it is not right to say this aloud, however my last child is a correctional officer of a huge prison here , while trying to be a state trooper this summer...... He sees all these murderers , rapist, child molesters in the Maxium Security Cell where he works and yet they live and have lifes. I must admit their cells are tiny, but they have free medical care, food, libraries, a great gym, classes, outside recreation (I have taken a tour there) and yet young people that sacrifice their lives for the good of mankind are gone. That is one thing I will never understand or accept.... Just an angry comment for the day, I am so sorry for all the wonderful people that could have made our society so much better and now are gone.
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Lynne, thank you for your comments and insight. Both Brett and Erica accomplished a great deal in their lives. They both made valuable contributions in their fields of study and work, and in the personal impacts they had with friends and the world in general. They were both so determined to not let their disease define their lives. The disease was something to be dealt with, but neither of them let it become who they were. The impact of those attitudes on others will live on. Brett was just shy of completing his PhD at the University of Illinois in Computer Science, and Erica had a paper published the week of her passing, which enabled the Indiana University School of Medicine to confer her doctorate posthumously. Her work was in diabetes research. We were so thrilled that the school honored her by recognizing the years she had spent toward accomplishing her goal. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of her birth, so we are planning to honor her life somehow. Can't decide what we want to do, but it will be in joy, honoring her life just like she did. We are tremendously sad, too, and some days I can't even think about it. I want to reply to everyone on these forums, and give them support, like you do, and I just get overwhelmed with emotion and can't even reply. Thank you for being so supportive. You know how it feels, and you hare your compassion beautifully.
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Sue, I just reread your blog, you and your hubby have been to hell and back , you are both great parents for your children reflect that in the way they responded to what they had to endure. They never gave up. They both hurried their dreams , with being in school (graduate school !!!!!) and your daughter getting married. They got their courage from both of you and I know you are so much in pain now, but please be proud of them, which I know you must be. I know you miss them and I am so sorry that they cannot be with you. I miss my children too, this life sometimes is just so unfair. Please take care , Sue. I am thinking about you and your children, and I know , they loved you both so, for how could they not with all they learned of life from both of you......love, lynne
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Oh Sue , I know how hard it is , I too have lost 2 children, what can you say, except it just hurts and life is so unfair. I am so sorry for all of us here......Please feel free to email me if you ever want to Lynrose1546@aol.com
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Comment by Melissa Broome on November 12, 2011 at 2:31pm
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I am soooo very sorry..there's nothing else I can say other then that, your children sounded amazing and their legacy will live on through everyone who got a chance to meet them. I think they got their amazingness from their parents..Stay strong <3
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Comment by MIchael A Ballard on November 11, 2011 at 12:32am
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Sue,
I don't know what to say other than I am very sorry.
Wishing you peace of mind and heart to your family.
MIchael
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Thank you Pamela, I appreciate the words and blessing. I didn't know where to start. There is just too much to say and/or not say. Blessings, Sue
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