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Comment by MIchael A Ballard on November 11, 2011 at 12:28am

Anna,

That's a very hard thing to do, but you did it!

Was extremely difficult for me to go through my wife's clothes.

I do know the feeling.

Take care of yourself and family,

MIchael

Comment by anna l. on November 8, 2011 at 1:45pm

Amanda, a week after my husband passed, I was washing my cloths again for the second time that week and it dawned on me that I was wearing the same cloths over and over.  I was so distressed to go into our shared closet that I had simply stopped doing it and was washing and reusing the few sets.  I knew I couldnt keep doing that, and I knew I couldnt do anything with his cloths either.  What I did was fold and put all his cloths into his dressers.  It was a tight fit but with the help of spacebags for his socks and sweaters it worked.  For the past 4 months his cloths have remained in the bedroom, just not in the closet.  When he died it was in hospital and I had his watch, ring and wallet in my purse.  They are still there, tucked in an inside pocket.  The top of his dresser remains untouched, but I will have to dust it soon and I know I will be able to tidy it up then but I know it will be hard to decide what to keep and what to let go of so maybe tidy and dusted will be all that gets done this time around.  I have given myself permission to do or not do and I dont even try to justify it to anyone anymore.  It is my grief, my process, my heart that is missing a part and I will not be ok if I try to live up to anyone elses expectations or timetable.  I hope you have given yourself the same permission!  I do think that moving the cloths from the closet to the dresser made it easier to be in the bedroom for 4 months and I think it also made it easier to sort them yesterday.  You will do it one day.  There is no rush, just do what is good for yourself.  Take care Amanda.

Barbara, that was nice to be able to do that for your kids. My husband always slept on the same pillow so even without a pillowcase it still smells of him, but it is fading so fast.  The first time the smell of him hit me it was when I was sorting his office.  I came across an old pair of perscription glasses.  I have no idea how long they had been in that case, in that drawer, but when I opened the case the smell just hit me and I hit the floor on my knees, crying like a baby.  After that I searched out his scent on anything and everything.  At first it was everywhere, no it isnt.  Good luck on your journey and I will watch for you along the way.   

Comment by Amanda Ab on November 8, 2011 at 12:54pm

Hi Anna,

Great mission accomplished.

I myself have not been able to accomplish such mission, just yet.

Dont know why? but I can't. It has been 6 months+ and my husband's belongings (including clothing, house keys, watch, etc.) are exactly how he left them. Nothing has been changed or altered. I just cant do it yet. We shared our closet, and i just go in to get my clothing out, but refuse to look to my right side, where all of his clothes remains. It is hearbreaking to know that he will no longer wear that nice gray long-sleeve shirt, that made him look so handsome, or his favorite sports jackets. It is painful, really, a lot. I cant.

Comment by Barbara Santoli on November 8, 2011 at 9:38am

Dear Anna I can so relate to your misson. I have just hit the 3 month mark since my husband died. I did exactly what you did I just buried my head in his clothes to just smell him one more time. My two children asked me to not wash the last shirts he wore and they both took one. I sleep with the last pillow case he slept on, I found it hard in the beginning to change the sheets on our bed but I did it. I have been trying to organize things but every time I do I run right into a part of him and I just so desparately want him back. I am beginning to think of this as journey and I feel like I am climbing out of the Grand Canyon. Every thing I get through I come up a little higher but sometimes I slip and fall back down. This is a journey I did not make reservations to take. Even though those smells will be gone from fabric they will be forever in our hearts and we will remember. My thoughts are with you as we take this journey. Much love