"Welcome to the group. I lost my partner on February 5th this year, so it's still pretty raw for me too. Reading through your story really touched a chord with me. Like you, I didn't think I would ever find a group like…"
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5 Stages of Grief
I used to be afraid to die. It would haunt me just the thought of it would send chills rushing down my spine. Now, I am no longer afraid of death. Wednesday, July 9th, 2014 at 12:08pm my life was forever changed. My father passed away on this day, he fought for a long time. He had been sick since 2000 with multiple problems but he kept fighting even when it was hard. At times, I will be honest I didn't know how he kept pushing through, how he remained strong, it was inspiring to see how strong my father really was.
It's hard using past tenses such as was instead of is. I don't think this get's easier.. I don't think any of it really ever does. There's so many more things I wish I would have said to him, he was my best friend, we talked all the time and I would do absolutely anything to have five more minutes.
(Which is one of the stages of grief - bargaining.. but does the stages ever really end, or do we just get so used to running through them that we become immune to them. We know what to expect when we're frustrated (Angry) we know that the days we can't get out of bed for days is just a stage (Depression) the days when we drive to their house only to realize that they're gone because for one second we thought they would be there when we arrived just like how they used to be (Denial). There are always 5 stages of grief. Every single person will experience those five stages completely differently, but do we ever really get to the last stage: Acceptance? Sure, some days we accept that our love ones are gone, in a better place, and there's nothing we can do. But the stage Acceptance - does it actually really last? Because if it does, would that mean the other four stages: Anger, Bargaining, Denial and Depression would be over?
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Comment by Roger on January 21, 2015 at 8:56pm
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Zell, You touched me again with your comment. What I said below about " what I have been told" is NOT what I feel either. I certainly don't want my wife and mother as "MY history". I just wanted to be clear. I am as you can probable tell. Heart broken and lost. Desperately looking for some kind of answer to all this pain I feel. But I fear there isn't one here on earth. So as you, I wait to be with them. But why is God making me wait. I keep asking God. What does he want from me? That's not a rhetorical question. I pray every night. If I can't die, then that God will show me what to do with myself. I have my work. But I have worked since I was 16. Just like what you said "I do not fit anymore". I met my soul mate at 39. I thanked God for her Plenty. We so believed that God had a hand in us finding each other. Then only to have to watch her die a terrible death for cancer. I can't make sense of it all. Many times, while she was terminally ill. She apologized to me for not being able to beat breast cancer. In her diary that she wrote in every day. She was clearly fighting so hard for me. The thing if filled with her abbreviation for us... R+I . That is so heart breaking to read any of that thing. So how can I move on with out her. We loved each other in a way that most people "DON"T GET". What few friends and family I have completely DON'T understand. She was my the love of my life. My everything. End of story!
I am so sorry that your beloved couldn't be with you today on his birthday. My Karla loved birthday cake. I sure hope there is birthday cake in heaven. :)
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Comment by bluebird on January 21, 2015 at 7:23pm
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I'm so sorry, Zell....I know how hard birthdays are, and any other special days. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Zell}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Thank you everyone for your comments.. Roger your right, I also like this about this site.. my life is forever changed, and I will never get over it. I feel forced to wake up, and get out of bed every morning, I don't feel like I am living at all, its more of.. just getting by
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I belive everyone experiences grief differently. For some they can lose a person very close to them. Be sad yes. But quickly accept it as God's will or a natural part of life. Very soon start going on with the rest of their lives. Dating again, focus on the others of their family. Then there are those like myself. Who had a very deep connection to the person that died. That's what I like about this web site. People here that their lives are forever changed by their love one passing. For us acceptance is out of the question. My Mom and wife were the two people I loved most in the world. I know how much they loved me. Lossing that has impacted my life in every way. Its impossible for me just to move on after losing what I had. I have been told that time marches on. Days turn into weeks, months and years. That in our mind our loved ones are forever frozen in that place we remember them. They don't come with is. We are forced to go to go on day by day. Living in our new life, what ever it is. In this process. Our loved ones are being constantly pushed further and further back in history.
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I agree everyone goes through the stages of grief, but untill you get to the final stage of true acceptance, (it has to be true) then the stages of grief go round and round untill the guilt/pain/anger are gone....
Death changes everything and everyones life at one time or another that is the only fact that I know is real.....
I can only have faith that the greif will lessen enough that maby I can feel that I am at least living
Good Luck
God Bless
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I think the 5 stages thing is just a sort of rough guideline. Not everyone goes through all of them, and not everyone goes through them in the same order, and for some people they are never ending. Personally, I am constantly enmeshed in the first four stages, and will never "accept" my husband's death. For me, none of it is "just a stage" -- it's the horrible reality of what life has become for me.
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