I lost the love of my life on April 23rd to an accidental overdose. Him and I had been close friends for over 20 years since we were 15 years old. We always knew we loved each other but never made anything of it until 6 years ago once we were a little more grown up and ready to spend the rest of our lives together. We were ecstatic to be together, we knew we were made for each other, we are true soulmates through and through. Our life was just us together all the time. A few years ago he started working 2 provinces away and still even when he was gone for work, we'd spend any free moment we had on the phone together. We were best friends, he was my only true friend, he was the only one who has ever or will ever know me through and through. He died alone where he was staying for work and it breaks my heart to pieces. We bought a hobby farm and have 6 animals (2dogs,2goats,2cats). His family who doesn't live in this province turned their backs on me when I resisted their request that i sell the house and split the money between me,his brother, his sister and mother...all who never put a cent or ounce of energy into this place, let alone even come to visit us. They sent me many nasty texts to which I replied back kindly. Then they had a memorial for my husband and publicly uninvited me but invited all of his ex-girlfriends....it was pretty trashy and my husband deserved so much more...he was an amazing man and was so protective of me, he would've been so upset. The family disrupted my grief process and I sit alone on the farm with the animals crying everyday. I miss him so much, I always think about letting the animals live out their lives then suicide. I dont want to be away from him, i just need to talk to him. People call me from time to time but I dont want to talk to anyone but my husband....he was my whole world. I have never felt so alone and like no one on this planet understands me. We are only 35 years old, we were trying to have a baby, we waited our whole lives to be together. It is hard when you cant find any other young widows who lost their soulmate.
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least. I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
"Marita, not that I am glad to hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living. At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok. That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise. And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead. It's not possible for me to accept it either. I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive. The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable. While I'm not in that…"
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is.
Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss. When things become so…"
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets.
I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight. I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"