Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on September 13, 2010 at 6:54pm

Nothing is wrong with you. Everybody reacts to death and grieves differently. It may hit you later on and you may suddenly be overcome with emotion but it may not. I would be on my knees giving thanks to God for making me so strong, if I were you.

Permalink Reply by Anita Molnarova on September 15, 2010 at 4:02pm

Thank you very much for taking time to reply. I really hope that I didn't offend anyone with my questions. I know most people here go through awful pain and can't cope at all and would probably give anything not to feel it. I DO thank heavens for being so strong but I also feel very guilty and judged by others.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Echols-Suich on September 15, 2010 at 9:56am

Anita,
You are so far from heartless. You are in shock to say the least. I am so very sorry for your loss!
As for your partner? He more than likely has never been through what you are experiencing. "Just as no two fingerprints are alike nor are two deaths." You need to take time. Hug those little babies that your so blessed to have. I was where you are with losing my parents so close together. I kept thinking wehat is wrong with me? Then one day i was out to lunch with my husband and youngest son. A lady working in the store looked sooooo much like my mom. She asked if she could help me. She then told me her name was Betty if I needed anything. We got in the parking lot and I just bursted!! My mom's name is/was Betty. I cried non stop for days. You will get through this because you have too. You have two little ones depending on Mommy. Take care and I will keep you in my prayers. Nancy

Permalink Reply by Anita Molnarova on September 15, 2010 at 4:25pm

Dear Nancy,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I sat down with my partner and tried to explain how I feel right now. I think that I can't cry and feel sad because I just don't have any physical proof that my big brother is actually gone. We didn't talk on the phone or email each other much. My family is in different country so we kind of drifted apart. I settled in UK and had babies and Erik just got on with his life and friends. My mom would tell me on the phone that he visited and how he was. But that was it. And now he is gone. But my head doesn't get it. For all I know he could still be at home. He could be out playing darts with his friends, laughing and making jokes. Where is the proof that he is not with us anymore? When I ring mum she doesn't cry anymore. She just talks to me as usual. She asks about kids and cooking and silly things... My partner listened and tried to reassure me that it must be normal that I just don't feel sad and don't cry. It must be shock and my body trying to protect me from the pain. Everyone grieves differently etc. But I still feel like he must be thinking bad things about me. He said he would be down on his knees crying if it was his brother. I am wrecked with guilt and worried that I won't ever be able to get over this. I love you my big bro. Wonder what you are thinking of me... Sorry bout my long rant. Thank you for your time and your kind words again Nancy. It is reassuring to be able to talk to someone who knows what it's like. THANK YOU xxx

Permalink Reply by Nancy Echols-Suich on September 16, 2010 at 10:47am

Oh Anita,
Your big Bro loves you so much that I think that is why you are not crying in pain. I think he has found a way to keep you in his heart and him in yours so that it feels like he is "gone" but not forever. You have no closure. Many say "you need to actually see the deceased to grieve." I do NOT think so at all. As you mentioned everyone grieves differently. Sometimes it takes years before we actually hit that moment of pure grievement. Just keep talking to him...as you cook dinner...talk to him..take a walk...talk to him.. You will find a way to get thru this. On your knees crying is not the answer either. Reach deep into your heart. Find that one memory with your brother...close your eyes for just a minute and let yourself smile about the memory and your brother. You will survive I promise!
Nancy