Back in October 2009, my 21 yr old was riding his friend's motorcycle down a residential street when he was rammed into another car. Thank God the occupants of that car were not seriously hurt but unfortunately, my son sustained a massive brain injury and he passed away a week later. My whole life changed in an instant, nothing could ever prepare a parent for this kind of nightmare. My faith has been weakened but not totally destroyed. I begged God to spare my son and take me in his place if necessary. For God's sake, he is ONLY 21yrs old! He is someone's son, someone's brother, someone's grandson, someone's nephew, someone's cousin and someone's friend. He had a life! He went to work everyday, he was so full of life, a life that he fully enjoyed. No, he was not perfect, none of us are but he was a good kid. There were a few things we did not always agree with but I realize now that I had to let him be his own person. I have so much guilt now about some of the petty things we argued about. His passion, the thing he loved the most was his music. He had always saved his little pennies since the day he was old enough to work. He bought his first expensive keyboard and taught himself to play. He mastered it, he had a gift. He slowly bought other expensive equipment like a mixing board until he basically had everything for his own recording studio. He loved to make original beats/tracks. His dream was to become a big music producer. He loved all kinds of music but he reaaly loved hip-hop and reggae. His favorite artist of all time was Michael Jackson, he was devastated when he passed away, who knew that he would meet the same fate in a few months. He always said that Michael was a "MUSICAL GENIUS" and that he too would be the next musical genius....producer wise. His other favorit musician was Bob Marley. My son used to tell me "mom, I am going to be the next Kanye West". Kanye is a huge music producer that also became a rapper for all those that may not be familiar.
I long to hear him say "hey mom, it's me, I'm home" or hey mom what is ther to eat, I'm starving". I wish I could yell at him now for coming in late or playing his music too loud. My son's famous saying was" relax, it's not that serious". He said that every time I complained about something. We had war over him riding his friend's bike. The day that he was critically injured, was only his 2nd time on the bike! I had warned him that they were NOT safe, I reminded him of our neighbor who was killed on his motorcycle when he was also in his 20s and what do you think my son said to me...." relax, it's not that serious". I wish he would have listened to me and everyone in our family that warned him not to ride. I literally begged him with tears not to ever ride it again after I had first witnessed him ride it out of our next door neighbor's driveway. I even went as far to say that he could ride AFTER my funeral all he wanted but until then, keep your ass off of that bike. My son crashed after being chased 3 days after that! I felt like I passed away with my son. I was so angry with my self, I thought that maybe I failed him because I didnt convince him to stay off the bike. I was angry with God because I begged for another chance for my son, I would have done anything to have his life spared. I felt like why does God allow these things to happen, why does he let a mother's heart become permanently broken. My son needed a miracle. I felt like I was being punished. When I was told that there was nothing else they could do for him, I remember screaming " this is MY son, do something, I am begging you"! I will never forget trying to get my son to respond to me, if he could only whisper, or hold my hand or give me a hug. NOTHING, only silence, I picked up his arms to place over my shoulders and I begged him to hug me back......nothing! His arms just dropped to his sides. I desparately tried to wake him......NOTHING! Then I was told by family members that we had to leave. I had been there a whole week with my son in ICU(intensive care unit). Family would bring me clothes and food that they food force me to eat.. I slept in a chair at his bedside. I want my son back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
