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I don't know how to feel.
When we were little, my sister was my best friend. She aggravated my brother and I to no end, but I always took her with me everywhere. We played barbies, we had pet rabbits, my friends were her friends, ect. That all came to an end when she was around 4-5 and I was 9-10. Her mom and my dad split up. I never touched a barbie again, neither did she. I went to live with my grandma. She and my brother moved out of state with her mom. I want to say it was close to 2-3 years before I seen her or my brother again. Things were changed by then. I felt akward with them and to a certain extent, I still do.
In the past year or two, my sister and I had grown close again. We talked whenever we could and in March I was even able to make a trip to Texas to see her (I live in Missouri..). She was beautiful, as always. By this time she was 19 and had a baby girl who was 5 months old. I remember seeing her pull up and get out of her SUV. I remember seeing her hang up her cell and shove it in her back pocket. Then, she walked over and hugged me for what seemed like forever at the time. We spent that night playing with her daughter and reminising over old times with our brother. I felt whole for once. We talked until real late. Then, when we all went to bed, Amber and I laid in her bed talking until we passed out. It was a really good night. The next morning, I got up with her baby. I remember looking back and seeing her sleeping. Amber really was beautiful.. inside and out.
She took me back to where I was staying that morning. I remember coming out of the restroom at my hotel and hearing her trying to convince my mother in law to move to Texas. We were already considering it and she thought that putting her talk game on Barb would seal the deal. She left shortly after that, I remember rushing out to the balcony and seeing her drive off. My heart sank that day and part of it flew off with her. If I had known it was going to be the last time I seen her, I wouldn't have let her go.
She was murdered last month. You can google her [Amber Chantel Elkins] because I don't want to go into details. I just wanted to get this off of my chest because I'm having trouble figuring out how to feel. I miss her so much. I feel like part of me is missing and for the life of me, I can't figure out how to fix it. I have dreams about her and when I close my eyes, I see her. It's hard to even sleep anymore. I cry easily, but only when I'm alone. Somehow I feel like I should be able to pick up and move on like I have before, but I can't seem to push myself forward. I keep falling apart and I have no one that understands. IDK... :(
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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on
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Trust me, I understand. My brother was only 17 when he was shot to death, over someone else dispute. We used to play to together growing up, watch tv, play games together. This is someone I watched grow up and now he's gone. People say they lost someone too, but its different when its to murder. He also had a child, she was born a few weeks ago, and now she has to grow up without a father. I had a brother for 17 years. I don't know how I am supposed to live the rest of my life without one. We grew apart as we got older. Then when I wanted to fix that, it was too late. The last time I saw him, he was helping me move into my dorm. I never thought that would be the last time I would see him. It wasn't necessary for someone to shoot him
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Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on
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I am so sorry for your loss! :( I agree with everything you said, though. It wasn't necessary for Amber to be shot, either, but even as I type it.. I know it can never be changed and it sucks. I really don't know how to be without her. We're moving to texas soon. So, I'll be able to see her daughter grow up and such, but it's still bittersweet.
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Ashley, I am sorry for the loss of your sister. It is so nice and beatiful how you got to share those last moments with her. Although, not enough, unfortunately. I completely understand your pain and anger. As Shantel, mentioned above, people loose loved ones but it is completely different when it is to murder. It so unexpected, nothing prepares you for such tragedy. Because you do not see things like those coming. And our pain its all because of another persons stupid decision. How could they? Who gave them the right to take someone else's life away? I myself, lost my beatiful husband, my soulmate, my everything on April 28. He was shot and killed by a complete stranger. I have so much anger towards this person for ruining my life and my son's too. I cry everynight and ask for husband to be back here with me. I miss him everyday, every moment. And sometimes feel that I cannot go on without him. We were suppose to share so much more memories to come. He was just 29 years old, a month away from turning 30. Frustration gets to me as months go by without justice being served. I am here for you if you want to talk. Hope to hear back from you.
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I am soooo sorry for your loss. Over a parking space? How senseless! People don't care anyone. That's my only assessment. The guy that killed my sister had only known her a month. He'd met her 9 month old and had spent time with her. He knew how great of a person she was. Amber wasn't one to keep her feelings hid. She always pretty much laid it out on the table for you from the start. Although, I know I hadn't met him, I'm positive he was no different.
I'm so very confused/mad/sad/pissed about what has happened to her. I just really don't know how to put into words how I'm feeling, just as I'm sure you know the feeling as well. Her daughter is only 10 months old now. She was robbed. My family and her friends were robbed of a beautiful person and he knows it, but honestly doesn't care. He murdered my sister and left her laying where it near impossible to find her... it took a WEEK; literally 7 days to find her remains. He refused to tell the cops or anyone. The ONLY reason they found her is because of an annyonmos tip. The man even had the nerve to stare my family down as he was leaving the court. room after his arrignment. I guess I'm never going to know how his mind works, but come on... show some remorse!
Again, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. You and your son as well as family and friends have been robbed of a special person and, as childish as it might sound, it's not fair. I can only pray that justiice will come quickly for the moron that did this to you and your son. If you ever want to talk/vent, I'm here for you.
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