Losing someone to Alcoholism

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Losing someone to Alcoholism

Members: 37
Latest Activity: Mar 20

Jackie, I just read your post. My heart feels your pain. I too lost my husband Sept. 29, 2010 from liver cancer due to alcoholism...He was 55 years old. Three months later I was run over in a parking lot by someone driving an SUV and texting I am now permanently physically handicapped and unable to be mobile on my own. I live every day with missing Doug and realizing choices alcoholics have and have not. It is a disease. Have you tried an on line Al Anon group? I was such an active person and now all I have is on line. Life somedays is a nightmare. I haven't been out in months. I hate Alcoholism. And miss Doug so much now 35 months later but feeling like it was yesterday.

Discussion Forum

gone 6 weeks 6 Replies

II lost my husband 6 weeks ago and I'm drowning. Greg was an alcoholic for years but full functioning. After a surgery  left him feeling out of controll he drank more and more. He tried to stop so…Continue

Started by Debbie. Last reply by Debbie May 10, 2016.

My life partner died Dec 18, 2013

My life partner died Dec 18, 2013. He had been diagnosed with lung cancer the previous March and started Chemo & Radiation in August. His treatments were finished in November. The doctors assured…Continue

Started by marsha Feb 17, 2014.

My best and only friend died 17 days ago and I am broken. 2 Replies

Hi,My best friend died 17 days ago. He was my only friend and an alcoholic. He drank because of deep emotional pain that he was not able to deal with. I understood that about him. I know he had…Continue

Started by Lee Evans. Last reply by Lee Evans Dec 19, 2013.

Could I have done more? 4 Replies

I lost my dad last February at 52 years old. He always enjoyed drinking, but the past few years have been the worst. I found myself distancing myself from him after he promised he would stop drinking…Continue

Started by Jenna. Last reply by Linda Kelly Dec 15, 2013.

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Comment by dream moon JO B on January 11, 2016 at 10:20am

had a cuzen i wz close 2 trnd 2 drink 2 num pane he died of panretd c coz of drinkn 2 mush

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 10, 2016 at 4:38pm

sum tims we loss way coz of loss we loss our slfs in booze sorry if i sond dum or silly

or sum tims in drugs we do 

we try2 nm pane by drinkinw drinkin we do evm othr thngs we do

2 num it we do i no pele say its a exsuse bt thy shud try 2 hav a loss or sumthng bad happen 2 thm 

sorry of im bean nasty so on 

sorry

Comment by Emma on March 5, 2015 at 2:08pm
I lost the my first and only true love, my sweetheart Brian of alcoholic liver failure a year ago next week. I did not even find out he had died until a few months later as Brian had pushed me away, told me to get out of his life all because I told him I loved him and he just could not handle that towards the end and his friend never thought to tell me he had died so I never said goodbye. It is a terrible illness. His friend told me after that he had pushed everyone away and that he had locked himself in his apartment and would not let anyone in. His friend had to get the police to knock the door in and he found him unconscious and yellow. He went to hospital and never recovered. I was and still am angry, upset, lost and alone. He was my world and he never knew it. I tried to stay in touch with him but he would not talk to me. I did not choose to fall in love with an alcoholic but I did and I loved him with all of my heart and always will. I miss him every single day.
Comment by Shay Pedersen on August 1, 2014 at 9:10pm
I lost my fiance 3 months the ago to alcoholism. He was the most intelligent, successful, and personable man I have ever known. His light radiated to everyone around him, but he couldn't see it himself. He had a rough childhood and started drinking at about age 14 and never stopped. He hid it well, and I didn't even know about it until a year before his death, when his body started failing him. Once his body started to fail, he just gave up. I wish he would have fought. He did detox in the hospital for 3 weeks when things got unbearable, but only stayed sober 2 weeks out.

I feel a lot of guilt, but I know I shouldn't. I was good to him. We argued (like alcoholics love to do), but I loved him completely, and he knew that. I know he knew...but his death was sudden and unexpected...and I, like some of you, am hurting so much because I didn't get to say goodbye. I talked to him on the phone the day he died, he got upset with me because I asked if he was happy (How dare I!), then he called 30 minutes later to apologize. And that was it. I never got to speak with him again. I didn't even discover he was dead until the following night, when I went to his house and called the cops to break in because I hadn't heard from him and couldn't get a response. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to go in and see him, but I couldn't because I was not his "wife", so I had no rights. It hurt a lot. I called them to check on him, but I was somehow insignificant.

In reality, despite the guilt, I know I did all I could for him. And my therapist (who was also his therapist...and that helps) reminds me that this was his choice, had nothing to do with me, and that I did all that I could and that I brought him a lot of happiness and loved him so much that I held his hand until the end. But it still hurts. I still can't help thinking there is something more I could have done...even though I know I do not have that much power.

It is a painful disease. He suffered because of it. I suffered. My kids, who adored him suffered, and his family and friends suffered. And it's just so hard because there is such a simple solution to end the suffering! Maybe not easy for the alcoholic, but simple. He is on my mind every second and I miss him with every breath...but, I must say, I'm happy that all of the suffering is now headed toward an end. He, and I, and everyone who loved him can now stop worrying and start healing. Right now, I am heartbroken, lonely, lost and alone, but I felt that way the last year of his disease. I don't have to worry about him anymore, now I can begin to learn to recover and heal. Well...here's to hoping.

I appreciate all that he gave me, all that he taught me, and all that we shared. I will love him forever.
Comment by Ang on April 17, 2014 at 1:29pm

I am new here.   My husband and best friend of 17 years passed away July, 2013.   I found him dead in the bathroom of alcohol poisoning.  He was a good man full of demons and shame and guilt.

Comment by Bonnie Jones on April 17, 2014 at 6:16am

I recently lost my husband of 7 years on March 21, 2014. He was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease due to cirrhosis 3 years ago. I moved from my family and home state to be with my husband 7 years ago and I am now all alone except children. He was my world. I just wish he could have stopped drinking when he was diagnosed 3 years ago. Things could be so different now if he did. He did not stop drinking until December 2013, when he was too sick to drink.

Comment by marsha on February 17, 2014 at 4:56pm

My life partner died Dec 18, 2014. He had been diagnosed with lung cancer the previous March and started Chemo & Radiation in August. His treatments were finished in November. The doctors assured us the cancer was gone: it had been a very small dot on the outside of his lung. I kept asking how his liver had fared because he was an alcoholic most of this adult life, if not all of it. I knew chemo kills all kinds of cells. We were reassured the liver was functioning correctly. But the second week in November I had to call the ambulance to pick him up. He was running a fever and had passed out on the bathroom floor. That was the beginning of the end. I called the ambulance a total of 3 times from mid November until his final rush to the hospital on Dec 9, 2014. Each time he was tested and given antibiotics for infections, once he had a bleeder in his stomach and had that cauterized. It just seemed he could never recover from one thing before the next arrived. On Dec 10, they pumped the fluid from his lungs, and because he had been unable to walk, not even to the bathroom, since his first hospital visit, I agreed to have him to go a recovery center for "therapy". We kept asking about this liver and was continually told it was functioning. But on Dec 15, 2014 they said he was in liver failure and there was nothing more they could do. By that time, he was in and out of reality. I am so angry at the medical personnel. They have seen enough chemo related shutdowns they could have warned us his condition was frail and death was a possibility. But they kept saying he was working through the problems of lowered white blood cells, etc. Because we did not know the end was coming we did not have the usual goodbye conversations that people have. I know he loved me and I him, but it would have been nice to have had a bare-all soul- to-soul conversation. I spent the first days after his passing feeling like there was so much unsaid and unresolved between us I couldn't grieve. I regretted not marrying him in November when he asked me to. I regretted not making him believe he was my soul mate and the love of my life. Now it's been almost 2 months and, after speaking with a medium, and receiving some signs from him, I know he is aware of how much I love and miss him. He only wants the best for me. With all my regrets and rehashing his final days, I have struggled with grief. Today I feel better, but I know it will hit again when I least expect it. Grief never leaves, it just becomes more bearable with passing time.

Comment by Ellen on August 30, 2013 at 9:32pm

Jackie, I just read your post. My heart feels your pain. I too lost my husband Sept. 29, 2010 from liver cancer due to alcoholism...He was 55 years old. Three months later I was run over in a parking lot by someone driving an SUV and texting I am now permanently physically handicapped and unable to be mobile on my own. I live every day with missing Doug and realizing choices alcoholics have and have not. It is a disease. Have you tried an on line Al Anon group? I was such an active person and now all I have is on line. Life somedays is a nightmare. I haven't been out in months. I hate Alcoholism. And miss Doug so much now 35 months later but feeling like it was yesterday.

Comment by Jackie Thomas on August 30, 2013 at 5:20pm

Thanks Linda it is good to have someone to talk to.

I go to grief counceling once a month it does not seem to be enough for me.  I am so sorry about your daughter, its hard to lose our children. Take care Jackie

Comment by Linda Kelly on August 30, 2013 at 11:38am

Hi Jackie,  The pain is so intense and those not involved in recovery don't understand.  I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my daughter.  It really hurts.  I'm just at the beginning of the grief process and I'm in shock and numbness.  I know there will be many hard days ahead.  Remember, too, you could never have made your husband quit.  Take care of yourself.  Linda

 

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