Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ammy on November 23, 2013 at 5:21pm

That is a beautiful picture Jo.  Thanks for sharing.

When my son was in Alaska he took some beautiful pictures.  It's hard for me to look at them sometimes, but other times it makes me feel close to him.

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on November 23, 2013 at 7:13pm

Jo, I usually have this set to private but if you would like to see some of the Alaska pictures I made this video for his daughter's mom. I just saved it to Youtube so it wouldn't get lost.

http://youtu.be/_NKT0riA7qM

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on November 24, 2013 at 4:10pm

i luved amy its mre safer setng thngs 2 privet iv goy a lot of stuff on vimeo 

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on November 26, 2013 at 6:08pm

Thanks Jo.

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on November 26, 2013 at 5:38pm

What Everyone Should Know About the First Year of Grief
By K. Talbat, Ph.D.

Getting through the holidays without our loved one is one of many challenges we face in the first year of our loss. We are challenged in so many ways that we cannot take loss in all at once. We can only see the world from where we stand; and to most of us, our new world looks and feels like landscape without gravity. There are no maps to guide us through this fresh grief. But others who have made the journey can help by sharing what they have learned. They show us it is possible to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones along the way.

Working your way through the first year:

I learned that the first year’s grief doesn’t flow neatly from one stage to the next; it has multiple patterns, fluctuating cycles, lots of ups and downs. First-year grief will surprise you in many ways, but here are a few things you can expect.

Expect sudden "grief attacks." Practical matters demand attention in early grief when we are the most confused and least interested in things we used to care about. We must decide how to get through each new day. Some days, getting out of bed may take all the energy we have. Trips to everyday places like the grocery store feel so different. In some cases, simple things like seeing your child's favorite cereal on the store shelf can bring immediate, excruciating pain.

I call these unexpected reactions "grief attacks." And unlike the response we would get if we had a heart attack while shopping, those around us don’t know what to do. We get good at hiding our pain, at postponing grieving for a more appropriate place, a better time.

Expect exhaustion and disruption. Early grieving is perhaps the hardest work you will ever do. It is common to have difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite and blood pressure, tense muscles that are susceptible to strains, a weakened immune system. Be sure to tell your physician about your loss and any physical symptoms you have. If your doctor can’t or won’t listen, find one who will!

After a loss, many people return to work, school, or other activities feeling vulnerable, less confident about their capabilities, less able to concentrate, distracted by memories, and flooded with emotions that disrupt thinking. For others, work is the only place they are able to concentrate- focusing on tasks helps take their mind off their loss for awhile.

Those around us may have unrealistic expectations as we return to work or school. When one mother whose only child had died returned to work, her supervisor greeted her by saying: "I’m sorry about your loss but I want to talk to you about improving your work performance." Expect to be stunned by the ineptness, thoughtlessness, and discomfort of some people, and to be thrilled and deeply touched by the kindness and sensitivity of others. Sometimes those you expect to support you the most can’t or won’t meet your needs, while others you were not that close to before reach out unexpectedly.

Our loved ones are still, and always will be, a part of us.

They are threads in our fabric and we cannot lose their love. 

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on November 26, 2013 at 6:05pm

Take Heart

Getting through the first year of your grief is like winding a ball of string. You start with an end and wind and wind. Then the ball slips through your fingers and rolls across the floor. Some of the work is undone, but not all. You pick it up and start over again, but never do you have to begin at the end of the string. The ball never completely unwinds; you’ve made some progress.

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on December 7, 2013 at 12:28pm

Sorry, but I don't seem to have the author's name for this writing.

Let's talk about how to survive these holidays when maybe they were a bit trying even before life went sideways.

• Say no a lot. Really. Other people will tell you you should say yes to things, get out more, be social. You
know what? No. If "being social" gives you the hives, why on earth would you do that? Remember that "no" is a complete sentence. You can say "no, thank you" if you must say more.

• Choose your gatherings. If you do choose to attend something holiday-ish, choose wisely. Sometimes a big crowd is easier than a small one, because you can slip out un-noticed as you need to.

• Find ways to be alone-together with others. Musical offerings, candlelight meditations or services -- check
those little local newspapers and see what's going on in your community.

• Volunteer. It's an "acceptable" reason for not attending family obligations, and also a way you could
serve others in your own quiet way.

• Have a plan. Before you go to a party or an event, be sure to make your exit plan clear -- with yourself. Give yourself an out, whether that is a specific time limit or an emotional cue that lets you know it's time to go.

• Check in with yourself. This is true not just for events and gatherings, but for every single moment of life.
Check in with yourself. Take just a minute to take a breath, one good inhale/exhale, and ask yourself how
you're doing. Ask yourself what you need. It may be that the piped in Christmas carols at the grocery store
are just too much. Maybe you need to leave now -- just abandon that cart in the aisle. Or maybe you feel like
you can push through, so you put your emotional blinders on and sing yourself some other song to blot out the noise.

Which brings me to my favorite anytime-not-just-the- holidays tip:

• LEAVE WHENEVER YOU WANT. Stop whatever you're doing whenever you want. Please remember that this is your life. You do not have to do anything that feels bad or wrong or horrifying. Even if you agreed to articipate in something, you can change your mind at any time.

The holidays are going to hurt, my friend. That is just reality. You are missing someone who should be part of the festivities; you are missing someone you loved. This season will add some to your grief.

Companion yourself. Care for yourself. Listen. Reach out where it feels good to reach, curl in when that is
what you need. Make this season as much of a comfort to you as you can. And when it is not a comfort, know we're here. All us other grievers: We get you. We understand.

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on December 13, 2013 at 8:19pm

Just sharing a couple of Christmas graphics.

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on December 30, 2013 at 4:49pm

Missing my son more and more with the holidays here. Can't wait for the new year.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on January 1, 2014 at 11:02am

My new year prayer for everyone on this site:

May 2014 bring more health than sickness,

more laughter than tears,

and more forgiveness than anger.

May you have PEACE in your life,

JOY in your home,

HOPE in your heart,

WISDOM in your actions,

and LOVE always.

Have a meaningful, Godly New Year.

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on January 1, 2014 at 8:24pm

 

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Permalink Reply by Ammy on January 2, 2014 at 12:02pm

For all the Moms that might be having feelings of guilt for the past or for the present.  This is a good read, but I don't have the author's name and it was sent to me in graphics.

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