I am Kim, I am 27 years old and my mom passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. She had a heart attack while driving and crashed her car. It was the day after she turned 55. My parents are in Massachusetts and I am in Connecticut, it's about a 2 and a half hour ride which could be worse I guess. I am just having a really hard time coping. I am constantly worried about my dad, my brother lives only a few miles away from him but I don't trust that he will check in on my dad as much as he should. I plan on going up every weekend for at least a few months. I am supposed to get married in April. My mom was so excited, she was constantly doing little things for the wedding. I know she would still want me to have it because she was so excited for it, however I don't want to get married if my mom can't be there. I know I have close family that love me and aunts have already told me that they will help get me ready on my wedding day, but I don't want anyone but my mom to get me ready. I feel like I am being a child about it but I don't care that's all I want. I don't know how to anything without my mom never mind get married. We talked everyday. I am just utterly heartbroken.

Views: 164

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hi, my name is Lindsey. I'm 28 years old and my mom passed away suddenly 7 months ago in April, just 4 days after her 56th birthday due to heart failure. She had just come home from a dinner cruise with her boyfriend celebrating her birthday. Her name was Kim. 

I saw your story and knew is just had to reply to you. Though I do not have a father figure in the picture and I lived only about 15 minutes from her, I just wanted you to know that I get it. I get the pain, the feeling of being lost, the feeling of "what do I do now?".

I want to make sure you know that ITS OK TO NOT BE OK and no matter what anyone may tell you, there is no timeline for grief. Everyone processes different and some take longer than others. The pain will never go away, but you will slowly learn to live with it. My wounds are still very much open and i'm still learning but some things are easier for me now than they were 7 months ago. 

I will also say that I personally think you should still go forward with the wedding (if you're able to). Your mom was so excited for it and I think it would be an opportunity for you to carry on what she was looking forward to and you can still incorporate your mom in your wedding - even though she WILL be there right next to you the whole time. You can save her a seat in the front row with her picture, wrap your bouquet with one of her bracelets/necklaces, have a special toast to her at the reception, etc. While you get ready you can play her favorite songs and have her picture there with you in the room. 

I don't know your mom, and I won't act like I do. All I know is that if my mom passed before I got married, with as excited as she was for it, she would want me to go ahead with it. She wouldn't want me to put my own life on hold because I physically lost her. She would want her baby to carry on and live life to the fullest. 

I truly hope my words were helpful and not hurtful. As someone who is the same age with a similar situation, please message me if you need a friend. 

I just saw you posted this is 2016.

Hopefully you're doing better now that some time has passed. I hope you got married and I hope you have been able to cope better over the last few years. I hope things have been better for you and I wish you the best. 

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, I believe that every consciousness/spirit/soul is immortal.  I, or no one in our limited dimensional world can prove that right or wrong.  I can't prove my OBE either.  All I can do is share it.  Your original post…"
1 hour ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you. I hope with everything in my soul that you are right about that, and I wish I shared your faith in that regard. If you and I have already discussed this, I apologise for repeating myself (my memory is not what it once was, and my…"
15 hours ago
bluebird left a comment for Martee
"I saw both of your posts on my profile. If nothing else, maybe rock-climbing and the like will help to distract you for a little while. And you're right, it is absolutely not fair that our beloved partners have died. I know that my husband and…"
15 hours ago
M Adams replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hope these rituals bring comfort to you, Martee.  I have kept the ashes of my husband as well, just don’t want to part with them.  It has been more than three years since his death — but I don’t feel like there is a…"
16 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Reading your posts, and many who post here, I think you're going to be joyously surprised when you pass over. "The worst thing about all of this is not knowing if my sweet, wonderful husband's soul still exists, as it…"
16 hours ago
Martee left a comment for Marjorie Willcox
"So sorry for your loss and pain, my soulmate died 1/29/20, been so bad for me to. I don’t let people know too much, no way I want to be taken out of my house. I feel like some people just want to watch me crash and are more nosey than…"
17 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you for your posts. Even though you don't have absolute proof of an afterlife, your out-of-body experience seems to have provided you with some level of surety, which I think is wonderful, and I must admit I'm jealous of you for…"
18 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, It doesn't make it easier so to speak.  What will help is when I allow my doctor to do some imaging, in the weeks or perhaps a couple of months ahead, I'll let him scan me, and since now I know something is spreading…"
18 hours ago
Josephine Crawford commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thanks Ammy. I sometimes feel guilty when I am happy. Yes it takes time. Continued to all."
19 hours ago
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I kept my husband’s ashes, I keep them next to me all day, move them to his nightstand at night. Been 3 weeks..."
20 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, Time to go to cemetery but will reply later today."
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, I wish I had your faith/assurance that there is an afterlife in which we will be reunited with our loves. I so hope that you are right about that. I think it would make this a tiny bit easier for me if I knew beyond any doubt that my husband…"
yesterday
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I read and log on and many times I just freeze up.  It's over two years and I should be with her already and though I don't think it will be too much longer, every minute of every waking and sometimes sleeping moment is a…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
yesterday
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Sorry to see your stories here...  There is nothing worse.   I will be at 4 years in June.  After a while at least for me, the acute pain just became dull pain.  I have heard that grief is love turned inside out.  No…"
yesterday
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm.  I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
yesterday
bluebird and Martee are now friends
Tuesday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me. That…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch. That's what I…"
Tuesday

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service