I am new to this website so not sure how to use :-( Widowed for 1 1/2 years after 40 years of marriage. Looking for relief from the loneliness!!

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Dear Jade, so sorry to hear of your loss.  My beloved husband died two years ago, after more than three decades together, so I feel like I know something about the loneliness -- although, in my case,since the bereavement I partly want to be alone, which is kind of confusing, being lonely yet wanting to withdraw from contact.  I do think that helping others, when one is ready emotionally for that, can dispel loneliness to some extent.  Have also found that reading some of the posts here is comforting in terms of seeing that our feelings and experiences of grief are not manifestations of madness, that other people feel the same things.  Hope you are finding some consolation as time goes by.

M Adams,

I understand the wanting to be alone; it's much the same for me. I believe it's because the one person I truly want to be with, my beloved husband, is not here. If I can't be with him, I don't want to be with anyone.

When he died, and for at least 6 months afterwards, I couldn't stand to have anyone other than my sister touch me at all. I don't know why her...she and I are very close, but I'm close to our parents too. Maybe because she also knows him well, I'm not sure. I still hate for anyone to touch me, even my parents, but I can tolerate it for a few seconds.

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Jade,

I hope you are able to find some peace. I cannot offer any, as I haven't found any, but I hope you can.

Hello.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

Dear Jade,

I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who are suffering here.  Sharing our feelings here with our fellow sufferers helps us feel like we're not alone with our thoughts, grief, and of course, our loneliness.  It's not only sharing however we're feeling at the moment,  without being judged, but also trying to comfort one another if we can in some way.  Also, if someone hints at harming themselves, you will see responses from others trying to dissuade them from it.  My family, children and grandchildren are my only comfort, but a visit or a call twice a week doesn't provide relief from the main source of my being lonely.  I have a couple friends who know that while being supportive, can't provide me with any relief from my loss.  Nothing can relieve my loneliness because my source is losing my Love.  We were together since we were both 16.  Over 51 years, and we were each other's life.  I accept that, and in a way, am resigned to not have it any other way, for my goal is the hope of reuniting with my Love someday.  In the beginning, I tried counseling, bereavement groups, and found that I'm not looking to "recover and move on with life".  I died when She died, and all I can do is continue my relationship with her even though She can't be physically here with me.  My only hope is that when our creator decides it's time for me to physically pass on, it is then that we will have a spiritual relationship and both be eternally, blissfully, reunited as One in Her realm as we were here in this realm.  These are my feelings and beliefs, and many of those who post here identify with my posts as I do theirs.  It doesn't provide any relief per say, but gives us an outlet to express ourselves and know we're not alone in our feelings.  They list over 300 members on this group but you can see the number of posters aren't that many.  Writing and trying to comfort one another does provide a sense of relief up to a point, but we all know that it can't eradicate our grief and loneliness. 

Have you tried counseling or any type of therapy in a group?  Perhaps you may find some relief trying one or both.  If you have been that route, and like myself, found it wasn't what I'm looking for, try to post your thoughts, beliefs and feelings here on the comment wall.  No one will judge you in any way no matter what you post, and like my posting here, hope that in some way to be of any kind of help or support. 

I'm a little hesitant to suggest the following because I don't know your feelings other than you are lonely after 40 years of marriage, widowed for now over 2 years, and looking for relief from being lonely.  But I will just so you know of it and hope this doesn't offend you.  There are social widow and widower groups in many cities and towns.  Only you can decide if that may provide a relief from your loneliness.  If I am off base here, and I might be, please forgive me for mentioning it. 

I'm sorry for your suffering Jade,

Joe

     

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