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It has been 7 months since my father passed away. I just recently in the past three weeks, have started the grieving process. I should say, I just recently am moving out of the denial stage. Before he died, we talked about how when he died, he would come back to visit. Our deal was, I would let him go if when he crossed over to the other side, he would find me a husband. I told him he would have super powers and would be able to weed out the bad ones:) So when he died, a few things happened in life where I thought he would be there. I thought I would feel his presence. I thought he would be by my side looking out for me. When I started dating a man, he claimed to feel my father's presence. I was so vulnerable, I fell for that. When he and I ended, I realized that wasn't real. My father was gone. He isn't coming around me, he isn't using someone else to get through to me, he isn't an angel watching over me. He is gone. I always believed in angels as a kid and carried that belief into adulthood. I don't believe in that anymore. I am so empty and it is horrible to truly not be able to believe in something I believed for so long. I guess one can say, I have lost my faith. The emptiness has set in. I am so sad and lost in this world without him. He was one of the few people on this earth I felt understood me and never judged. We had such a strong connection. I am thankful for that, but now it is gone and I don't know how to heal.I feel very alone. I feel like I am looking for some sort of joy and there is none. This isn't easy.
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I can SOOOO relate to this! I asked my husband while he was dying to please just let me know that he is okay. I've called out for a sign and found nothing but emptiness. I always struggled with my faith in God, but it is a real challenge now to believe because I feel nothing but emptiness! I don't feel my husband's presence or God's presence for that matter...just this unbearable isolation. I know how you feel, so in a way, you aren't alone because I also feel the same way. Take care.
You are soooo right.
That may be true, but I truly believed he wasn't really leaving us. As childlike as that is, I really believed it. I just need to wrap my head around everything. I have lived in denial for 7 months so is so crazy when reality hits.
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