Sue, wishing me a Happy Birthday was nice...thank you. The letter you wrote your mother tore my heart out! You mentioned watching your mother suffer, I am assuming she passed at home. My wife passed at home and she suffered a great deal. You mention how unimportant Christmas and Thanksgiving is now....that's exactly what I was feeling yesterday on my birthday. Holidays will have no meaning now. They will only bring sadness. I was way to close to my wife and her leaving has really hurt. We were always together and I am completely lost without her. What got me the most in your letter to your mom was "I am doing OK mom, I don't want you to spend your glorious time in heaven worrying about me"...I'm crying while I am reading it. I talk to a picture of my wife all the time....I said those same words to her. I have been a wreck since my wife passed...and if she is watching me I know she is worried about me. Your words were perfect. It will make her feel better to hear them. Don't worry...I told her where those words came from...lol. I just wanted to let you know I could feel the love and the pain in your letter to your mom and I thought it was very sweet to write it. You take care....
I'm also sorry for your loss and your mother's pain at the end of her life. Mother's and daughters tend to be best friends. I know that's not always the case, but it sounds like it was in yours and I know it was in mine. Peace to us both.
Thank you for your kind comments. You and everyone one this site is keeping me going. I spent the day thinking of ways to honor my mom's memory, sorting pictures, all the cards she's sent me over the years for birthdays and holidays. It helps. And you and the member's here words help so much. I like it - one hour at a time. It sounds like a great plan.
I'm sorry to read of your mom's passing. Watching her fight an illness and then succumb to it must have been very difficult. I'm glad to read that you have experienced her presence, that must be comforting. I'm relatively new to this site and seeing how many people live with grief everyday is heartbreaking. It's comforting to know there is a place we can all go for nonjudgmental support. My thoughts are with you as I'm certain you will always feel the pain of losing not just your mom but your best friend.
sory abot yore mum having c o p d i saw my dad sufer it from yrs we now fpund oyt resperty desese runs in the family my dad stopet smoking i 1973 and so did my mum in 1973 after thy got maried my dad woz my mums 2nd husband but he woz a good a man she maried my dad after she got devorsed we moved to a area wen i woz 8 or 9 wear ther woz a lot of facterys a lot of snoke coming from thm and a lot of trucks in the id 80s my dad got dignosed with co pd in 2005 i tryed smoking wen i woz a tean thnk god i did not like the taste my anti dot has ful on emthaseana but she wont stop smoking all i get is if she stopet it wud kill her she is 80 now and smoket from aged 11 we all tell her its bad for her but all we get u hav to die of som kind of desese sory if iv bean to mush
First of all I must say you r beautiful and I see where u got it from...ur mom. I know how u r feeling, as though God has forsaken you, but ur beautiful mom is in heaven looking down at u. One day u will join her nd be happy 2gether again. Right now u have to continue doing the things she would want u to do. U seem like a woman of strength to me.
Thank you for your words. Sometimes you think your going through this pain alone. Thank you for making this group. I was really close to mymom and when she passed it felt like I couldn't nteath. Its comforting to be able to talk to someone who knows what you are going through.
Well lets just say I am surviving. I go thru the daily routines as I have no choice but my heart is broken. I spend a lot of my spare time with my 80 yr old mother or my dear friend Deborah. I hope God does not take my mother anytime in the near future. She is very healthy and active. About a year ago I was finally starting to feel some what 'normal' and then my son became ill. He was living with me at the time as he was separated from his spouse. I took care of him for 6 months and he passed from complications of kidney failure. He was on dialysis and got an infection thru the dialysis port which became sepsis and he could not fight it. I too was with him when he took his last breath. Tears come to my eyes as I am telling you this. I know he is in a wonderful place and is with his dad and his Father but I still wish he was still here on earth. He has 3 small children, 6,7 & 8 and they are wonderful and doing very well. My husband of 34 yrs passed in 2008 and I never thought that would happen. He became ill very quickly and only lasted 2 weeks, he passed from complications of Leukemia. I felt so guilty after his passing for a long long time, kept thinking I should of done this or that or said this or shouldn't have said that, should have stayed at the hospital longer to be with him etc etc. It does get better with time but you still have that place in your heart for them. I just wish God will show me what I am suppose to do now and I know He will. I am so sorry for your loss. And what the jackass spouse put you through. I am so sorry. But you do have God on your side and He loves you. Thank you Jesus. Hope you have a blessed day.
I am new to this group and I already feel like I made the right decision,and let me say I am so sorry for your lose.
You sound so much like me I was born Jan 3.1956 and I am an animal activist ,you may say I love animals more than people .I live with my 4 yr old bull terrier,adopted from a shelter,and 2 cats 1 is a stray and the other from a City Critters and adoption agency that has the most beautiful cats,and they have the cats at Petco where I would shop at least 3 times a week so I guess you can say my girls are spoiled.
I lost my mom Ann White to complications of a stroke,she suffered almost 4 yrs till she passed on NOV 16,2010 she was bed bound .I am an only child and I lost my dad on 1974 at the age of 49to a massive heart attack and I guess that is a big reason I could never find any one who could fill his shoes. I met some men along the way and I always felt that the ones I got involved with were not worth the time of day . I guess you can see that mom and I were so close she was my best friend.I was with mom every day from the the time she left the hospital to her stays in the nursing home,but the last year mom was declining and and she just wanted to die,in fact she lost over 50 lbs because she refused to eat.She would say things that were so frustrating and I know I would try to make her understand and bring her back to reality but not only the stroke caused severe brain damge but she was in the early stages of dementia.Mom was found unresponsive and on Nov 10 and she was brain dead until I had to make the decision to remove her from life support,imagine how I felt taking the life of the women who gave me life.
I joined because I was having trouble sleeping,maybe 3 hrs a night and I would wake and find myself standing over my parents grave and not see dirt but mom just laying there,I felt like I was going crazy,of all the time I was with her I was not there when she passed as I had left the hospital and the reason I left I have no idea. I spoke with her the days before like two friends in a coffee shop I told her every thing I never said in all the years and told her I did not want her to go but if the Good Lord wanted her it was ok,and she would be with dad .I did lose my job 2 yrs before and I guess it was a good thing as I had all that time with mom.
I hope we can continue to chat,and to take my mind off of the real world I am writing a book,no I am not a writer my profession is a med tech,but my book will be called Wagging Tails,the story of my dog Maddie's adoption thru her eyes,how she came from Georgia to New York at 9 weeks of age ,to her knee surgery at 9 months, a snapped Cruciate Rupture,and I went on line to find publishers to help non writers and one contacted me and showed some interest, and want to show people how the shelters are so over crowed and these dogs deserve a great home
Hi Sue, I know it is getting worse for me now. I held my mom's hand while she died but she wasn't conscious. I don't know if we can ever get ourselves back. Life will never be the same and I'm crying for that. I do have a few divorced friends and most of them have gone through a little of this but that doesn't help a lot. We will never have relationships like we had with our moms. I'm trying to be thankful for the years I had with her. Some people dont' even have that but, I think that life really sucks and all I can focus on is that as we get older all of the people we love get sick and die. How do people go on? I am curious about that. I will try to hang in there because it has only been a month but in the next couple of years things will have to get better for me. I will try to find things that are fulfilling and try to live the values my mom taught me. I pray you will find some things that make life worthwhile too. I do know there are tons of people out there that need help and are lonely we just have to reach out to them..
thanks so much for your friend request and comment. I'm also sorry you've lost your mother and I know exactly what you mean; life just seems askew with her, like nothing is right any more. I hope you've managed to deal with this horrible month for you, first your birthday and now the holidays, it must have been doubly difficult!
My display picture on here reminded me of my Mum when I saw it so I'd like to think heaven looks just like that and our mothers are totally at peace with God, waiting for us to join them one day.
Sue, thank you for your kind words. Silas was strong, funny, and very brave. He was a fighter, and kicked ass with his cancer for the 8 months he was here after his diagnosis. He would not give in, would not give up. He taught me quite a bit through his humor, love, and courage. I was with him at the end, as were his three sisters, best friend Zack, and a few other close friends of his. What a gift. Your mom sounds like a remarkable woman. I will be thinking of you on the 19th, as you go through your birthdays. Please feel free to check in or message me anytime. I have started a fund for young adults with cancer, http://www.sysfund.org. It keeps me going. Take good care, Lorraine
Hi Sue. I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone. I can be in a room full of people and still be alone; I think you know what I'm talking about! I can bounce stuff off of my daughters - but I'm still the mom and I don't want to burden them; my brother's a busy with their lives, and my mom has her problems with my dad - they are 86 and 96, and I don't want to burden her, either. So I end up staying in therapy because I feel like it is the one place I can just let go of whatever it is I have to let go of! Therapy is good; it helps.
I didn't get much sleep last night, so this a.m. I feel pretty out of it.
But it's so easy to allow ourselves to be hurt, and I think we all can learn to have an "oh well" attitude and let go of what we can't do anything about.
I've always gotten very stressed out driving. I get stressed by idiot drivers who do things like turn left from the right lane and cut me off in doing it! just stuff like that.... ("just"; ha! Someone could get killed....) and my daughter told me instead of being a like a little fish getting frustrated trying to swim upstream against all the bigger fish going with the current I should be like a leaf, and just let the current carry me. So I said, what happens when I get stuck on a boulder in the river? She said well, the current will come and pick you up and carry you along; you just have to wait for it. I said, "gee that's very Zen of you..." she said "Huh??" So anyway, "be a leaf". Just let the current carry you and trust it will take you where you need to be. Zen.
I definitely care. I am so sorry for all of your losses, your Mom, divorce, family. I know what it's like to have multiple losses. Your life sounds a bit like mine. I feel pretty much alone much of the time. I do have a life, rather trying to build one that, like you said, is great for me. I've taken care of so many people since I was a teenager that I've never really had a life outside of that. Music was my escape. I, too, do not have a good body image, and lack of self-esteem has been an issue I've struggled with most of my life. I haven't dated anyone since my husband's passing, and am not really looking to. I, too, could not deal with another loss. Most of my husband's family have stopped talking to me, except his Mom and cousin. My own family (two brothers and a sister all older than me) has been supportive for the most part, except for my sister, who now has alienated everyone. We are all (including her) supposed to get together for Christmas at my Mom's, though. Not really looking forward to it, I'm sorry to say. At my house, it's just Lucy and I. I do have good friends who have been very supportive. But I do spend a lot of time alone, and the nights are especially hard. But we really aren't alone. There are others hurting over losses, too, and even though our situations are different (I still have my Mom, but did lose my Dad 13 years ago tomorrow to Leukemia), many of the feelings are still the same. Please feel free to talk to me anytime, Thank you for your support as well.
I read your comment about the story of the elderly couple on the news. How strong and brave of them. I sure look up to those people. And often wish i can have some of their strength to somehow accept the loss of my husband. It will be 8 months on the 28th and although i am getting up every day to go to work and provide for my son, it just does not fill in this emptyness that i have inside my heart. I admitt, days are going by, but cant seem to find a purpose or something to look forward anymore.
"i hate big c i do iv frindss had tretmnt delayd cpz of cov 19
coz of cov 19 thy will probly not evn mak it
cnt evnhav a desent sendd off lk my nbor i cud not say gud by 2 coz of rstrisn
loss frind 2 cov 19 cud not say gud by to…"