Copper "Charlie"'s Blog (5)

It's My Choice

I read a post on another site that made me think about something in a way that I forgot that I had already done with someone else.

When my husband died, I went to my therapist and among a few other questions, he asked me how I was doing.  I told him, of course, I was very upset, but I'd had a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage.  He seemed a bit concerned, which I know he was thinking I was idolizing.  But, I told him yes, my husband and I had our ups and downs.  We had times…

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Added by Copper "Charlie" on August 24, 2016 at 9:00pm — No Comments

Mom...How Could You?!

You know...I trusted you, Mom.  I'm not sure why I didn't see it before, to be honest.  I don't understand how you could do that to your own son!  Your children.  How?  Why?

I remember you telling me not to tell your side of the family anything that went on with my brother.  Just to tell them that he's fine or I don't know.  I was like in 3rd grade when you did that. …

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Added by Copper "Charlie" on August 20, 2016 at 6:20am — 2 Comments

I feel like 2 different people

Sometimes I look at the last few days or weeks and see separate, distinctive beliefs, feelings, wants, etc. Like having different personalities. No, I'm not schizophrenic.



One part of me wails and screams and sobs uncontrollably for my husband because I am so empty without him. There is no peace in that part of me. Another part has an unwavering faith. A wordless knowledge and complete understanding of all the reasons why, how, where, what... There is faith and peace within this part… Continue

Added by Copper "Charlie" on August 20, 2016 at 12:19am — No Comments

Open Wounds & Lemon Juice

Hi.  When I was 4, I lost my grandfather to cancer.  He'd worked the coal mines of the Kentucky mountains back before they had anything to protect their breathing.  He had black lung and was a chain smoker.  There were at least 2 others in my family who died the same way.  I remember him lying in bed and the room being dark and he would ask me to get him things, small things like a box of tissues, and when I would come back, he would call me his Little Nurse.  His nickname for me was Little…

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Added by Copper "Charlie" on October 7, 2015 at 2:36am — No Comments

I'll never feel his touch again...*sob*

OMG....I just can't sleep, because it came on so strong...the realization that I'll never feel him touching me again!  It's been 34 days since he was called home.  Never again will I be able to lie beside him with my head on his shoulder.  Never again will he hold me when I cry.  Never again, will his hands hold to mine.  His lips will never touch mine again.  And he will never be able to make love to me again.  A simple kiss, a soft caress, his whisper of I love you late in the night when…

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Added by Copper "Charlie" on September 18, 2015 at 12:13am — 1 Comment

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