Kelly Husak's Blog (12)

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Halloween... Or just holidays...

Just the thought of holidays coming make me sad, because he will not be here. It's so hard to believe that he's gone. I keep thinking, randomly, things about him and i don't even remember that he's not here anymore, but then i do and it sends a wave of shocking pain and sadness over me. I hate this... I just want to be better again, but I'd feel bad if i got over it, i know i would. But what else can I do? I know I'll have to be OK again someday... I just don't want it to be now. And the… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on October 23, 2011 at 9:44pm — 1 Comment

First days of school have come and gone...

The very first day, yesterday, was normal. Not too bad, not the greatest. A few people noticed my tattoo and said how they were sorry about it, etc, and some friends saw it for the first time in person and just wordlessly gave my a hug. I went and saw one of his teachers, saw one of my teachers that I unexpectedly left last year a week before school was over and talked to her a bit, that was the only time that day that there was any danger of crying, but i made it through without a drop, and… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 25, 2011 at 1:14am — 3 Comments

I cant stop the tears any longer...

A few weeks ago, i was talking to Ryan about Robert again, and he said something that bothered me, and made me think that every time i talk about Robert, it bothered him. So i vowed to not talk about Robert to Ryan anymore, which is why i got an account on here, so i could talk and not bother him. But i dont have my real, personal person anymore, and it seems to be taking a harder toll than i thought it would. Today is 3 months since the accident, and it seems harder than ever. 3 months since… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 20, 2011 at 2:59am — 2 Comments

Taking a step back

I'm up in Wyoming now, with me and Robert's blood father, his girlfriend and Jenna. I'm not used to being around them without Robert at all. And Sunday, when we came up here, my Nana (Kennys mom) talked about how she read this book just a few months before Robert's death and it really helped her with the grieving process and how i should read it too. Honestly (And this will make me sound like a shallow beech) if i didnt need the money she provides and will provide in the future, i would've… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 16, 2011 at 3:05am — No Comments

This next week will be harder...

Tomorrow, im having a lot of friends over for a party before school starts back up. But, Sunday, i have to go to Wyoming to see my blood father and im going to stay there for a week. The father of both me and Robert. Robert was older than me, the first born, and i'm not used to being around any of Kenny's (my father's name) family without Robert there, no less around Kenny himself. Even when Ken still lived in Colorado with us, i was rarely around him without Robert there. This is going to be… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 13, 2011 at 2:31am — No Comments

I wonder if im going crazy...

We had a meeting for Roberts' case today at the police office. I got nothing that I wanted from it really. i now know though, that Sebastian is 5'11", the truck was a super duty version of the f250s, the tire treads in the playground were from him going FORWARD, and they haven't yet decided how fast he was going. They're saying so far, that he was texting and driving. I hope Matt learned his lesson with that little habit he has. Other than that, I didn't learn much from this little meeting. I'm… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 11, 2011 at 10:15pm — No Comments

Almost time to be back in school...

I've been getting ready to head back to school recently, and today was my registration. Robert was hit on a Friday, about a week and a half before school ended, and I was excused from all my classes that last week, including my finals. So, the whole school knows about Robert, and i could tell by the way the teachers looked at me. They knew who i was, and they knew what i lost. The way they looks at me... I know they just feel bad, but i feel like I'm in a different world from all of them. I… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 10, 2011 at 10:06pm — No Comments

Almost time to be back in school...

I've been getting ready to head back to school recently, and today was my registration. Robert was hit on a Friday, about a week and a half before school ended, and I was excused from all my classes that last week, including my finals. So, the whole school knows about Robert, and i could tell by the way the teachers looked at me. They knew who i was, and they knew what i lost. The way they looks at me... I know they just feel bad, but i feel like I'm in a different world from all of them. I… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 10, 2011 at 10:04pm — No Comments

Sleep enjoys avoiding me...

This was mostly just a random little ramble....

I didn't get much sleep last night... As usual.

Part of it was thanks to Suki though.

I was texting Ryan (the amazing guy =3) until 4 or 430 in the morning, the whole while just thinking in general. Which, in my position, is not good. I try to…

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Added by Kelly Husak on August 9, 2011 at 8:51pm — No Comments

I can't find you....

For a moment, I hear the wind whisper,

And it promises me, forever after,

But reality hits me, and I realize,

You're no longer here,

And I wait for your return,

But the end is near.

So I run to the place we used to meet,

Where we talked for hours about the world we see,

And for a moment I hear the pitter-patter of your heartbeat.

And the next it turns into an echo of your defeat.



So here I am, on my knees,

Begging for you to come find… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 9, 2011 at 4:28pm — No Comments

I'm still not ok...

Today, a random number texted me saying, "hi." I didn't recognize the number so i replied with "Hey, who's this?" he responded, acting all hurt that I had lost his number. I, not used to people not knowing about my brothers' death, responded with, "Well, when my brother died, my old phone went with him." Jon, one of Robert's old friends from elementary (more specifically, my 6th grade year, aka Robs 8th), was the person on the other line, and he freaked out. Jon now lives in Texas, so he hadn't… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 9, 2011 at 12:39pm — No Comments

How long until the tears will stop...?

it was 79 days today since Robert had been hit, and i find myself randomly thinking about it and crying. I thought i would be better by now, i always had been with any sort of loss. When me and Robert were little, our step-grandpa, who we call Popop Ralph, passed away unexpectedly and he and I were over it within 2 months. With Robert, I know i was much, much closer to him and it's a much more difficult time for me now, considering i was already really sad since Robert moved out (about 2 months… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 7, 2011 at 1:01am — 3 Comments

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