Every time I wake up I find that I have to face another day of my wife not being there, although it's been 16 years now since the angels came, I know if I mention her to someone it'll just give them a cause to tell me that I should be "over it" by now. Sitting at the desktop tonight playing her favorite sport, pool, I began to wonder what she would think of me now-having changed my appearance from my long Yanni appearance to a short typical haircut-would she be upset? And then I began to…

It must be the holidays, because she expired just after Halloween, I still can't make myself mention the 'D' word as in someone's life ending. But every video , every song she and I listened to reminds me of her. I lose control of my emotions, involuntarily, when hearing certain songs as "One more night", "Last Kiss", "Because you loved me" , and "Wind beneath my wings".

No one can ever imagine the feeling of losing someone , even though they are laying right in front of you with…

I keep thinking that soon I'll wake up from this nightmare, but 'when' ?! The thing is, when my wife was around, I lost her when she was only 35, I used to be known for lighting up the moods when things got tense. I used to be known for making others laugh when things began to get too serious,especially when I'd look over at her to see a look of confusion or sadness. I used to be the one who came up with all the answers, making others laugh in order for others to get their minds off their…

There's never a day that goes by that I don't think about my wife, even after 16 years now(next month), some would expect me to be contemplating suicide yet I made a pact with her that I wouldn't as a promise to her. However, there's this odor, for lack of a more logical expression, that I can't ignore that seems to be coming from within me I can't get rid of. It's the same fragrance she had in her hair , it was so unique which led me to believe there was no shampoo…

 Thanks for that bluebird .Those sentimental movies always seem to get to me, they sneak up on me every time lol. I guess I just never allowed myself a chance to stop and realize that. And I do apologize for not visiting as frequently as I would like to. I walk around 'trying' to think positive and yet my wife may think I'm having too much fun without her. But just for your information i, and everyone here, I really do read & pay attention to emails from others here. And I may be "one of…

I never thought I'd ever feel so empty in my life yet even when doing something so out-of-character . I sometimes even try gorging myself full of junk food late at night and watching horror movies, when I'm not even hungry nor even interested in the movie I still can't fill that void. It's like whatever I do isn't going to change the world so why should I bother, this is just my inner feelings so don't worry-I still respect others-just to let everyone know my wife would still find a way to…

I need to discipline myself from watching certain movies , like the movie "What dreams may come" with Robin Williams , which reminds me how I'm either expecting my wife to come around the corner or it reminds me to stay away from female & couples. I do this not out of being mean but to keep from getting burned again, although when I lost my wife it was well known that it wasn't her fault-she expired from is well known as the 'drinking disease'. And I know I am…

Just can't let go . After 16 years of my wife's death i still can't let go, is that crazy or what ? My wife, even though she may have been in pain, she would still persevere just to make a baby laugh or giggle . She never would allow herself to utter one negative word against someone else. Every time I allow myself to 'let go' and relax , maybe have a little fun , I find myself stopping and remembering the fun and all the good times we used to have together. I just can't allow myself to…