"i miss mom so mush i do"
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
-
Gwendelynn Peace
- Female
- Sacramento, CA
- United States
- Blog Posts
- Discussions
- Groups
- Photos
- Photo Albums
- Videos
Gifts Received
Gwendelynn Peace has not received any gifts yet
Gwendelynn Peace's Page
Profile Information
- About Me:
- I'm a 58 year old woman who has no children. I was 56 when my husband died suddenly and w/out warning 2 years ago. I am on disability for a condition I was born with. It has some of the same symptoms of Fibromyalgia and is often mistaken as such but it's a genetic condition of the connective tissue (Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, or ED-S) that causes chronic pain & fatigue, among other things. I live in California, but I'm from the midwest and I hope to move from here (Sacramento) in the next couple of years & return to Wisconsin, or a similar place where there are four seasons. I don't have any life here and my husband & I had planned to move but now I feel paralyzed by grief and depression and the idea of moving is very daunting.
- About my Loss:
- My husband died suddenly on January 8, 2012. He stood up from his computer desk and dropped to the floor. Unfortunately, since he'd been drinking (and had been heavily on and off for about 6 mos and had always refused medical treatment when I called 911) on the night he died I thought he had passed out and thought if I called 911 he would only refuse treatment so I did nothing. When I checked on him awhile later I discovered he wasn't breathing. I called 911 but it was too late. He was only 55, was my 2nd husband & we'd only had 4 yrs together. Before he died he had been taking care of me by doing all the shopping and errands and I had allowed myself to become completely dependent on him. I was also very depressed because 2 yrs before he died my only other friend had died much the same way he had, suddenly and in her sleep. They were both alcoholics and both died from artherosclerotic coronary disease. Neither of their autopsies said "heart attack" but I believe that was the cause of both of their deaths. Since he died I've been alone in my apartment almost all the time and barely ever go anywhere. I'm very isolated and lonely. When he died we had just moved to a new apartment complex 6 wks earlier, so I didn't know anyone and nobody came by to offer any support or condolences. Also, since we were both on disability we had not married legally due to the problems it would have caused with our benefits. Therefore when he died I was not his legal next of kin and his two grown children turned on me. His son came over to get his legal documents and while his girlfriend distracted me he stole my husband's computer. My husband's computer had all of our photos and many other personal things on it, so it was another blow to the entire horrible experience. If they had a service I was not included. I will never know if I had gone to him immediately when he collapsed if he might have been saved. I simply thought he was passed out and I had seen him fall & pass out so many times and refuse help that I didn't think it mattered. One of the hardest parts about my own feelings of guilt and despair about this is that before we moved we were in a very tiny apartment and our computer desks were right next to each other. We spent a lot of time on our computers the way many ppl watch TV & had we been in the other apt and he had fallen, he would have been right behind me and I would have realized that he wasn't breathing right away. But in our newer, larger apt. his desk was in the living room and mine was across the room in the dining area, about 15 feet away. I had the loud refrigerator buzzing behind me and I truly thought he was safe and simply passed out. I especially thought he was safe because he had fallen on a pile of laundry. I'll never know if he could have been saved. He was only 55 & he seemed to be in good health as far as his blood pressure and all, he'd just seen a doctor not long before his death. I also had thought, since we met and got together later in life (we were 52 and 51 when we "married" in our hearts) that he was my soul mate and the one I would grow old with. Before I signed up here I read a few other stories and one woman said she thought she would feel something of her husband's spirit after he died. I thought that as well, but I have felt nothing but complete emptiness. I'm alone and w/out good friends and spend most of my time in my apt watching DVD's or playing on my computer. Most of the time I have no one to talk to and I only go out every 6 to 8 wks to grocery shop & usually I combine that with a day when I have to see the doctor. I usually get a ride from a guy who is an ex from several yrs ago who is a sort of friend but has very little time for me. I don't have any women friends anymore. My mom lives only about 3 miles away & my brother is living with her but we have almost no relationship anymore.
Groups
-
I miss my Mom!
751 members
-
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
-
Sibling Loss
9 members
-
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
-
Too Young To Die
17 members
-
Losing a Sister
93 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
-
Grief Counseling
140 members
-
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
-
Orphaned Adults
80 members
-
Sole Survivors
15 members
-
Losing a sibling
62 members
-
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
43 members
-
Compounded grief with ex…
49 members
-
Lost both parents
12 members
Latest Activity
My husband
"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITED loss and grief
Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
Assumptions
An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true. Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions. This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
© 2024 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
Comment Wall
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community