Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
It has almost been a year and the pain is as raw as it was when I received the call from my mom. I live in Nova Scotia, and my mom, sisters, brother, niece and nephew live in California. It was afternoon when I received the call her from my mother saying that my sister wasn't breathing and they had her in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I think at that moment the world just stopped for me. It was only probably 5 minutes before I got back to my mom, I asked if she was ok, and my mom said "I am sorry Steph she is gone" I told her to hold on I was on my way home. Then I called to check on my youngest sister who was stuck at work without a car, she was frantic "I am trying to get to the hospital to see her, god she has to be ok" She didn't know, and I had to tell her. The pain was so immense that the sobbing would not stop. I went into auto pilot packing for a trip I did not want to take. Kissing my baby girl goodbye and telling her that I would be back soon.
Even now that span of 2 weeks is a blur. My mom and sisters all worked at the same place so they were short staffed and had to go to work. I was put in charge of all the arrangements. I had to write an obituary that was short enough not to cost a fortune, I met with the pastor to have a memorial service, and we went to the funeral home to decide between burial or cremation. We never knew what she wanted because she wasn't supposed to go so soon. The absolutely hardest part though was sitting down with her daughter my 3 year old niece and telling her that her mommy was now a star in heaven and wouldn't be coming home. She goes outside every night to talk to her mommy now. She will bring all her new stuff out to show her. She even wanted to have her birthday party outside so that her mommy could help her blow out the candles.
Losing a sister is like losing a part of yourself. Our baby brother is significantly younger then us so it was always the 3 girls together. She was the strong one, she beat all the boys up that picked on us. She said it how it was and often times didn't seem to have a filter on her mouth. She was working so hard as a single mother to get her life on track, and its hard to explain to others just how much hurt this is.
I now suffer from an anxiety disorder that doesn't allow me to leave my house very often, I have PTSD and major depression. I see a therapist, a psychiatrist and my regular Dr often. These are the things that make me so thankful to find an online support group so I don't have to leave the house.
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Stephanie--I lost my sister 3 months ago, and the pain and sadness has been overwhelming. These are the things I have done to help myself. Stephanie, I know there is an afterlife. My sister died of cancer. I spent most of the seven months between diagnosis and her departure with her. At the end, she was in a hospice, and I spent every night at the hospice with her. We had intimate conversations on her dying. She told me she had accepted it and was at peace. Here is how I know there is an afterlife: On the day she died, she was fully concious, but she was also talking to someone I could not see. I asked her if she was seeing someone and she said yes. I asked if it was Daddy (our father dies when we were little. She said, "I don't know, but he's all shiney." She also said to me, "Susie, this is so easy". When I asked what she meant, she said, "What's happening to me, my dying, it's so easy". She also spent much time conversing with someone on the mechanics of how she was going to get where she was going, yet remained fully responsive to me and others in the room. Stephanie, you still have a sister. She is only in the astral plane (I've been doing alot of reading of the works of Elizabeth Kubler Ross). I talk to my sister daily., usually in the car. Reading the books has helped, and once the worst of thegut wrenching horrible sadness was over, I began to look for the small miracles that showed me my sister still exists. Stephanie, the only space between you and your sister is time. You will see her again. My sadness and grief, of course, has not ended. I am concerned about your anxiety. Get thee to a doctor. I have to take medication for now. I am also the executor and trustee and I would go batty of anxiety if I did not take an anti-anxiety agent. I urge you to investigate this. It doesn't make you high, it just puts you back into a more normal condition. I take lexipro and clonazepam and it really helps..Realize that you still have a sister. Read Kubler-Ross's books: On Death and Dying, On Grief and Greiving, On Life After Death. These will help. Talk to your sister. She hears you. Begin to look for those little miracles that are not just coincidences. Pray. Sue
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