Julie Dolsey-Weiss
  • Female
  • Madison, WI
  • United States
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Traumatic Losses
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My beautiful mother died suddenly 8 weeks ago today. I found her sitting up, and knew she was gone. It was very traumatic I can not get her finally image out of my heart! It scares me that someone…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Danny Jan 1, 2014.

 

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Sara joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Nov 15
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Nov 2
Carlyn Jorgensen commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Tomorrow would have been my honorary little brother Rick's 30th birthday. It's going to be a very difficult day for me. However, I will honor his memory by going to a local bar with some friends and toasting his life. I'd love to be…"
Oct 18
Michaela waldier commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Well, the finality of it all has set in;recieved my hunni's ashes and death cert finally from Alaska.He's been gone 9 weeks. Im no longer angry,im moving towards finding a happy medium, didnt have the luxery of laying around in defeat,have…"
Oct 16
julia shvekky commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"We lost our only child six months ago, she was 22 when she was killed through no fault of her own in a crash.  Someone lost control of his car and went head on into her.  She died instantly thank god.  Has anyone else experienced the…"
Oct 15
Megan Holley joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Oct 14
Crystal K commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Thanks Stewart. I know I couldn't have known she was gonna die. Nobody did.  I try to tell myself that on my bad days. But grief is a funny thing. We know that our thoughts are irrational and doesnt' make sense, but we…"
Oct 13
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Crystal, sorry to hear about you mum.  I can say from my own experience, would of, should of, could of is not worth the time and energy it takes to ponder.  Just ask yourself if what you did or think you didn't do you then, did you do…"
Oct 12
Profile IconBarbara, Bryan Kelly Reeves and Michaela waldier joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Oct 9
JO B commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"me 2 bean hear 5 yrs  so mush loss sisne 2012 im so not me i am not  2017 im so even mor mest up coz of bad thngs haping i am"
Oct 8
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Actually let me just add  I'm downright pissed and sometimes hate life, having to leave without saying goodbye is just messed up.  And Im left to struggle with that every single day and it leaves me with wide up and downs from one day…"
Oct 8
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"i take it back, Im downright pissed and sometimes hate life.  I had to say goodbye and I never got to say goodbye, somehow that just isnt right, and Im left struggling with it each GD day of my life"
Oct 8
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Nearly 5 years coming up and not much new to say.  Use to post on here a lot the first couple of years, notice a lot of new faces, Id say welcome but this isn't the sort of place you want to come to, more out of quiet desperation or…"
Oct 8
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Nearly 5 years coming up and not much new to say.  Use to post on here a lot the first couple of years, notice a lot of new faces, Id say welcome but this isn't the sort of place you want to come to, more out of quiet desperation or…"
Oct 8

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a Certified Medical Assistant looking for work, currently working at Shopko for pitiful pay. Times are hard for us all. I am divorced but still good friends with my ex his name is Bryan. No children, unable to have them but i have a beautiful Mn Schnauzer named Jordie and two black pussy cats named Tinker and Bo.
About my Loss:
Two days ago I had a mass funeral for my mom she was 67, one day shy of her birthday. She died at home and I found her and am haunted by those images.

I lost my dad in 2005 to colon cancer and have no other relatives, so I am on my own and scared! Yes I have two very close friends I consider family but now that my parents are gone I feel lost.

Comment Wall (12 comments)

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At 10:48am on July 4, 2011, Sue Waxman said…

Dear Julie,

I am in school for veterinary technology..Mom was so proud of me. I picked up the pieces left after my divorce and went back to school. I am so where you are...Mom died 1 week ago today. I am so empty. I have no father. He left us when I was a kid. Came home and told mother.."Dont love you and these kids..never did", She never was whole again. Damn him!!!!! She was my world, How do we find any reason to "enjoy" anything. I am still in bed. I am and I mean it - totally flying solo at 55 in a very sad world. Friends fill some of the void. But at the end of the day...we have to live in our world today. I feel such peace being connected to you all. I am here for all of you. Sue

At 12:31am on January 31, 2011, michael sandoval said…
Dear Julie , I am truly sorry for your loss, my condolences. I hope we can be friends
At 1:39pm on January 05, 2010, Ruby Smith gave Julie Dolsey-Weiss a gift
Gift
Thanks for being there!
At 7:51pm on November 04, 2009, Julie Dolsey-Weiss added a gift to their profile…
Gift
In Loving Memory of Julia Dolsey, Ozzie Dolsey and Patricia Dolsey
At 8:55am on September 11, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-

Just thinking about you this morning and hoping you are doing okay!

Carrie
At 1:23pm on September 4, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
How irritating and insulting....SHE needs space. Perhaps you are better off without this friend....seems like an awful thing to say considering what you are going through.

Well, I am here for you anytime and I sincerely mean that. I hope that you are VERY proud of yourself and what you are accomplishing in the middle of this awful situation. Congrats on being in your final 8 weeks....that is AWESOME! You may not feel so strong right now but you are and, when the time comes for you to graduate, if you need someone there.....I will be that someone for you and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Do you still have things that you have to take care of (meaning bills, estate accounts and whatnot)?? This is an area that I am having a lot of trouble with right now. It is so overwhelming. I had to sell my parents house, go to court to get appointed Personal Representative, hire an attorney, open an estate account, sell their cars, cancel insurance etc etc and I have a stack of medical and other miscellaneous bills that I have to take care of. I wonder if life is ever going to feel "normal" again!
At 11:14am on September 3, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-

How are you? I hope you are well today. Please do not apologize for repeating yourself..my mind has been so confused that I have trouble keeping track of anything I do or say right now so I completely understand.

I am sorry that this friend chose to walk away from you at this time. It is hard to understand why someone would do this. I really do not have anyone that I feel I can talk to about this. People do NOT understand and I think most of them would rather avoid the topic altogether, as they are uncomfortable and do not know what to say.

Hey, by the way, we are both in Wisconsin. I am in Kenosha.
At 7:01pm on September 2, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-
I can not thank you enough for responding. When I read what you had wrote, it was the first time I felt there might be someone out there who understands the fear and loneliness I am consumed by. I am so sorry for what you are also going through. I know the pain and fear. I hope that somehow we can support each other and come out on the other side of this okay. I have a friend who keeps telling me that one day it will be the norm that my parents are gone....I cannot EVEN imagine ever feeling that way.

I have been married for 10 wonderful years and love my husband deeply but this has caused so much strain on us that I even feel alienated from him. We have not even spoke in 2 days even though we are in the same house. I am scared that I will end up alone. My marriage has never been through anything like this and it is taking its' toll. I don't know how to fix it.

My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in March 2008 that had spread to his bone, spine and brain. He died June 28, 2008. My Mom was already getting ill with Picks Disease but it was still so mild that her symptoms went unnoticed with everything else going on. My father wanted to die in his home and my Mom would not give him medicine or take care of him (not because she did not want to, she could not...she would get hysterical). I figured it was the grief and pain. I had to move in with them and care for my Dad. Then, when he passed, I needed my Mom so and she was not there at all. I could not figure out what was going on.....I thought she was having a nervous breakdown due to losing my Dad. As the weeks were passing by, my Mom was getting really out of touch. Pick's Disease is a rare degenerative brain illness that causes dementia. In February of 2009, she was still living alone and paying her bills and, by March 30, I was moving her into a facility and she was calling me Mom. She lost the ability to talk and walk. I took her to so many doctors and I was told everything from Alzheimers to mental illness. Her doctor even put her in a lock down mental ward for a week....it was HORRIBLE. I was alone with her at the doctor the day I was told that she had Pick's Disease and was going to die. Throughout the whole time I took care of her, I learned to never show emotion because she was like a child and would look to me for reactions to things the doctors were saying. I never cried in front of her and I never grieved my Dad. By May, she was in a wheelchair, had no communication and her arms and legs were completely contracted. My Mom passed on June 3, 2009. This day is my parents wedding anniversary and mine as well. It was less than one year after my Dad died and the first anniversary she would have had without him. My father was 60 when he died and my mother was 62.

I hope to hear from you soon.
Take care and thanks again for reaching out to me.
Carrie
At 1:12pm on September 1, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
Hey Julie, I am a CMA but currently do not work. After I completed my MA and worked for a couple of years I decided to complete my B.S. in Business. After that I worked as an exec. asst. to two hospital directors. Got really burned out and started working on my teacher's certification...spent the last two years working as a substitute teacher. I feel you can never learn too much...where will you be doing your internship?
At 3:44pm on August 30, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
June 22 is the day my numbness ended. I remember this day well because I had an appointment with my physician. A little history so you know why I remember this day so well...my daughter died in North Pole, Alaska-I live in San Antonio, Texas. Her accident happened at 12:15 pm and she was declared dead at 12:49 pm. This was on a Monday. I kept everything inside because I had so much to do for her Memorial Service here at home but before this was to take place my niece and I flew to Fairbanks for a private viewing and her cremation. We returned home and planned her service for June 7. We then returned to Fairbanks for her service there on June 13. The week after I returned I was so exhausted. When I went for my doctor's visit on the 22nd I broke down completely and cried like I had never cried before. I was referred immediately to a therapist. I refused medication because I was afraid of not feeling any emotions, good or bad, so I toughed it out. It was a "roller coaster ride from hell" without the meds but I made it through okay. Your emotions will range from numbness, to sadness, to anger and everything in between. I don't tell you this to scare you but to let you know that they are normal during the grieving process. If you can, meet with a therapist. I visited my therapist twice and have not felt the need to return. I found my grief was more pronounced when I was tired. Mornings are usually good but every now and then I wake up feeling sad. If I feel like crying I cry and I usually feel better when I'm done. This is what I mean when I say be kind to yourself-allow yourself to grieve, don't bury it.
Feel free to ask me anything about my grieving experience-I don't mind sharing.
Julie, maybe your mom did not want you to know how serious her condition was, or maybe she did not want to accept it herself, but don't blame yourself.
Try to recall the happier times spent with your mom and embrace the love you have for each other; this will help you during this difficult time.
Your friend,
Laura
 
 
 

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