"Hello Scottishbrat. I just passed the 4 year mark of losing my husband. With him I felt complete. Now I just seem to be in limbo. I don't remember what hobbies I used to enjoy. My life had been taking care of him and the 2 wonderful…"
"Nicole, I'm almost 4 years out(next month). At this point the pain is generally duller. Every so often, and it doesn't have to be a birthday or anniversary, something triggers a sharper pain. My life with my husband almost seems like it…"
"Taylah, Your mother was lucky to have someone like you help her thru those last months. I'm sure she knew you did your best. Don't beat yourself up or blame yourself or think in ANY way that you did NOT do enough. I lost my husband 3 and…"
"I will be 64 in March and I feel the same way. Right now I am near panic because weather tomorrow(I live in the States) forecasts a rather major snowstorm. My son faces a 1 hour commute and was already in an accident last week and now needs to drive…"
"Thankyou Fran again. I still find shopping difficult making decisions and can't be bothered to cook for myself relying on ready meals mainly. I compare myself to everyone & feel lacking watching everyone else appearing capable. EVen the…"
"Please don't measure your grief against anyone else's. Each of us grieves differently. I'm sorry your grief overwhelmed you to the point of having a breakdown. Sometimes I think I may have one, too. Things that happen in everyday life…"
"Thankyou Fran for hearing my plea and responding. I was married to my husband for 44 yrs and knew him for 50. How can you have a loving partner for so long and be O.K when you lose them? I was 0.K for 3 months then crashed spectacularly and was…"
"Marjorie, I'm so sorry you have had to join us on this because it means you've lost your other half! I"m 3 years into this "new normal". I don't have the numbness I had in the first year. I'm able to…"
"Kyle, I am also very sorry for your loss. You are just beginning the grief process the rest of us are working thru. I remember being totally numb after my husband died. A massive hole in my chest that no one else could see. You mentioned not having…"
"Oct. 17th was our 30th anniversary. Nov. 6th will be 3 years since I lost Bill. In between I'm finding myself rather weepy...guess it doesn't help that I'm watching Hallmark Christmas movies to deal with it. I KNEW I would miss him,…"
Had been an RN since 1980 yet wasn't able to save Bill. I "retired" at the end of 2014, after Bill's death. I just didn't want to be responsible for anyone's life anymore. I'm feeling sucked dry....
About my Loss:
Lost my husband, Bill, November 6, 2014 due to cancer. We had just managed to hit our 27th anniversary before he started deteriorating...I had been off from work since his diagnosis in March. He had hoped to survive long enough to go deer hunting, but, died just 2 weeks shy of that wish.
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Thankyou Fran again. I still find shopping difficult making decisions and can't be bothered to cook for myself relying on ready meals mainly. I compare myself to everyone & feel lacking watching everyone else appearing capable. EVen the widows at my singing group all appear to have coped with their loss while I struggle every day even after 17 months. That's low self esteem.i can't believe I I'm 71 because I feel like a helpless child!
Thankyou Fran for hearing my plea and responding. I was married to my husband for 44 yrs and knew him for 50. How can you have a loving partner for so long and be O.K when you lose them? I was 0.K for 3 months then crashed spectacularly and was hospitalised with psychosis for 2 months. It's been 17 months now and I'm still on medication. I dread waking up to the loss every morning. I have 3 grown up sons who think I am doing O.K but I'm not really. I don't think I'll ever reach a new normal. The widows I meet all seem to be doing O.K
Thank you Fran. I am trying to find something worth holding on to and not just giving up. There are moments when I dissolve in tears and don't want to continue to exist. Then there are moments when I realize that I hold in my hand the life that my husband so treasured. He fought hard because he wanted his life back from the very first moment that the brain tumor was diagnosed. It took his ability to balance and walk, most of his sight, and some of his reasoning - all at once. All of the physical therapists had to try to hold him back from working so hard to be able to stand and to take a few steps. I really don't want to go on into a future without him. I don't want to throw away any part of the life he and I both loved and wanted back. Just like him, I want my life back. Neither of us will have gotten our heart's desire.
I am forced to do all of these things as quick as I can because I have to go back to work soon. I am trying to finish all of the paperwork. I was forced to do things quickly even though I am so emotionally distraught. My world stopped when my partner passed away but they won't stop for me so I have to catch up with them. My work is a contract work and it will be ending this July if they will not renew it. So I have to start applying for jobs as early as now so I will have a backup.
Thank you. I am sorry your husband lost to this awful disease. I hate the hospitals now. I hate the idea of anyone going through chemo and radio when the outcome will still be the same as not having a treatment.
I really try not to go to the dark places where my thoughts lead me to. I feel sad looking at photos of older women because that is going to me in the future, only without my partner. Oh how I miss him. I will try to live a life where he will be proud of me. I will try to keep in touch with people who mattered the most to him. He will always be in my heart until the day I die. I never thought I would be ths type of person who says cliche things like this but my partner was my everything.
I finally managed to finish calling all the companies that needed to be informed of my partner's passing today. There's more that needs to be done but I will do things slowly.
Hi Fran this is Pam philipp you commented on my page my husband also had a neck surgery before he was diagnosed and they never found anything until they found the throat cancer first about a year after the neck surgery he started complaining about a sore throat so I made him go to the doctor they said it was the stage 2 then they wanted to send him for a pet scan and that's when they found the second cancer in his lungs liver bladder spine and that cancer was a totally separate and different cancer from the throat cancer they had no idea he had it and the secondary cancer was stage four terminal Two months after his diagnosis he was gone it's been almost 14 months and every day I am more lost unfortunately I don't have the family or friends hanging around and being here they all said they would but of course they all lied I guess we just have to deal with it but I really don't know how I hope you have a good support system this website is a good outlet because the people here all do really understand how you feel I hope you have a blessed day thank you for your response it helps
I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I think I've been hiding from the truth, that my Jim is gone, and he isn't coming back. It's been about 15 months, but sometimes it seems like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like he' been gone 100 years. I decided that I didn't want to sit in the house and cry all summer like I did last year, so I've begun to work on planting flowers, which I've never done, and just making a nice back yard that I could hang out in. I had a brick patio put in, bought all of the cool furniture for on it, and I've yet to even go out there and sit. I just don't really want to do anything without him.
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside". And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others. But it means nothing. It’s like we…"
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope. I always feel support knowing I am not alone. What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
"It's a Catch 22, impossible to solve. I accept Her body isn't alive anymore, but I HAVE TO HAVE HER BODY ALIVE AND STILL WITH ME and I want that to be forever. I know that's impossible, but I STILL HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! …"
"Connie I'm sorry but just know your words do stay in my head.
Keven's mom...I'm so sorry that phone came. There's nothing I can say or do to make this easier on you. Just know we know exactly how you feel. Your…"
As all of you have stated, I too fake my happiness. I laugh on the outside and am crying for him on the inside. I ache so bad that my Julian is not in my life. I just don't understand why God won't take me. Until he does, I…"
"Morgan. I wish I had answers but I am in the very same place. Lost, fake and hollow. I feel worse than I did a year ago I think because I thought I would feel better and don't. Empty and apathetic. I'm tired all the…"
I don't know why this has happened to us, our soulmates being torn from us, but it fucking sucks. Have you considered not acting happy and normal, since that isn't how you feel? Especially if acting that way isn't helping…"
"Please somebody, tell me how I can continue to do this. I am so depressed. I get up every day and pretend. It's what is making me so depressed. It looks like I am functioning so normally. Now that I have learned…"
"Hi Danny. Surviving is art which we all need to practice. Today I met a friend whose father is witnessing the similar illness as my mother i.e. late stage cancer. He is also going through the same emotional turmoil as I went in 2018. After this…"