Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yetzy L. Diaz on May 4, 2012 at 7:08pm

Thanks Sherry, I just hope that some day God will help me deal with this pain.  I do have my husband and kids. My husband has helped me through this situation.  I just don't worrying him about how I feel.  He has enough to worry about.  But even though he hugs or gives me kiss and says that I will be alright. I just feel that I can not find any confront.  I just can't accept it period.  I didn't want my sister to leave me so soon.  I was suppose to grow old with her and we had many planes.  What hurts me the most is that we couldn't have that last chat because of family issues that were not resolved. I  am sorry about your sister in law and you will also be in my prayers.  May God Bless you.

Permalink Reply by Mimi Giovanni on May 4, 2012 at 7:54am

I completely understand, i lost my sister 01/19/12. She was my baby sister and my best friend, my heart my everything. I am really lost without her, everyday i dream of her and talk with her in my dreams about my problems what we would normally talk about. Those dreams seem so real, that i wake up thinking i knew she wasn't gone. But to let the sleep ware off just to realize she is, than all i want to do is go back to sleep and talk to her and stay a sleep so i wont every have to let her go. My pain i am not doing to well with, i can't figure out how to deal with this. The last time i talk to her she wanted to see me, she lived in North Carolina and me in Ohio. I told her ok i will come down next week, she said ok, i never made it, she die the very next day. I made down there the next day when her husband called to tell she died in a car accident. i am mad at myself for not being there, i keep saying maybe i could of change things and i am mad at her husband for the last thing my sister had on her mind was to find out her husband cheated and got another woman pregnant. she ran out of the house crying and drove off and died. I cried yesterday because i really needed to talk to her about something and i couldn't. so i drove around crying and screaming in the car. I said this is really real, this bad dream is not going away and i have no power or control to change it. I keep thinking if i ignore it, it will not be true and i am starting to realize it's very much true and this is forever. I am really not going to be able to talk to her again, see her or hear her big laugh. How can this be, what am i suppose to do. I have no other family besides my kids. But she was the only one who truly understood me and me her. She never judged me, looked at me crossed eyed. She loved me and i love and adore her. she is the greatest person i have ever known and no one will ever replace her. But i am dieing inside and i have no one to talk to that will listen or understand what i am feeling. she would of been the one i would talk to about something like this. My nightmare will never go away and i will not accept this happen to her. It's not fare she is gone and her husband is with the other woman and there baby. This is his fault, i know i sound bitter and angry that's because i am. i want my sister back. This can't be my reality. So i understand you pain, saddness and nightmare. I am so so sorry this happened to you.

Permalink Reply by kylie anne on May 4, 2012 at 8:33am

Hi Mimi you maded me cry i feel your pain, your story is very close to mine.takecare of yourself.

Permalink Reply by Yetzy L. Diaz on May 4, 2012 at 6:56pm

I am really sorry for your loss Mimi, I understand why you feel so mad at your sister's husband.  I feel the same way towards my sister's ex-boyfriend he made her fall into a deep depression which made her get addicted to her medication.  She died from a cardiac arrest due to all the medication she was taking.  She was my older sister and she was not suppose to leave me, we were suppose to grow old together. I just really hope that she never died.  And you are right people say you must let go, but they are not in my shoes, they don't know what I am feeling.  I try to avoid going to where people know me or where there is a large group of people because they start telling you things or asking things instead of making you feel better.  People just make me angry. I have always been a strong person and people expect me to be that strong person through this situation. They tell me that my mom and dad need me, but hello what about me.  I also need someone.  I miss her everyday and every night.  Since the day she died I fall asleep and dream of her every single night, and these dreams are so real that when I wake up I actually think I was talking to her.  I just wish I could have her back. I really understand your frustration and anger.  I just hope God will give us the strength to deal with this pain because I know that this pain will be in our hearts. 

Permalink Reply by nadia on May 18, 2012 at 9:19am

crying reading this as this is how I feel too I was supposed to grow old with my Tonia.. How and what am I going to do now.... so lost

Permalink Reply by Yetzy L. Diaz on May 18, 2012 at 7:26pm

i have read many stories similar to mines and sometimes it makes me feel why?  Why do people have to go through pain.  I understand we have to die sometime, but not at a such young age. My sister was only 35 and she had so many plans in her life....i just think it is not fair, just not fair.  I miss her everyday and every hour.  I always think if I would of help her more, what if....but i realize i can't do nothing now, she is gone and won't be back.  I feel your pain, my sister was my bff and i use to tell her everything...

Permalink Reply by kylie anne on May 4, 2012 at 8:28am

Hi Yetzy its been 7 months since my younger sister passed away & sadly i can say everything u have said i still feel now.I think of my sister every second of every day, she is the last thing i think of before i go to bed & the first thing i think about when i wake up.i still think of it as a nightmare & the pain &saddness is still the same if not worst &im sick of people saying it will get better.i am so lost when she passed away apart of me died with her & i cant get passed that.You need to let yourself feel your pain & tell the truth when people ask you how do you feel tell them.Dont hide how you feel. takecare of yourself first..

Permalink Reply by Mimi Giovanni on May 4, 2012 at 11:47am

Thank you Kylie, I hope you take care of yourself to. I know those words are easier said than done, I am trying to. everyday for me is a fight to keep going on. I know what you mean when you say people keep saying it will get better, I hate that so much. I want to scream at them and say no it wont so shut up. For me it's like they are telling oh one day i am going to wake up and say oh she is gone so it's ok, i'm over it. NO NO NO!!! This week hasn't been a good week for me, but i don't. I have no answers, don't know what to say or due or think. Some days i am numb, than mad, than angry, extreme pain, than i feel ok like i am going to get through this. But the tears come and the cycle starts all over again. So I don't know, all i know I am here and she is not. So be good to yourself also. I am glad someone understands my feelings and feel the same way. Because now i know i am not crazy for the way i feel. I do wish and hope for the best for you and Yetzy

Permalink Reply by Yetzy L. Diaz on May 4, 2012 at 7:04pm

I know how you feel, I know this pain will always be in my heart.  I just wish that sometimes I would of help her more. She was the only thing that I had.  The only person who I could of talked to.  I don't talk about how I feel because people just don't help.  They say I have to gone with my life and all that crap I am sick of hearing.  I just want people to leave me alone with my pain and that is it.  They all say I have to be strong, but I am sick of being strong.  I never thought I had to go through all the funeral preparations.  All the arranging, taking care of my mom, dad, my sisters kids, etc.... But I also need someone to hug me and say nice things to me.  I just don't know how to deal with this pain anymore.  People around me don't help at all.  Don't get me wrong, I have a husband which has been by my side, but I don't want him worrying about me, so I just keep it quite and when I am by myself I just cry and ask Why????, she was so young and beautiful. I wasn't suppose to bury my sister at age 35. :(

Permalink Reply by Yetzy L. Diaz on May 8, 2012 at 5:10pm

thanks Sherry

Permalink Reply by kylie anne on May 10, 2012 at 8:56am

hi yetzy, i wish i could say it gets better but 7months on i still think &feel everything you have wrote. my sister was all i had as well apart from my parents as my sister was only 23 she didnt get to have children.i still sometimes sit &wish this wasnt true.people around me dont get it. i feel like i have lost myself &until the day i die i will always wish she was here i know there is no reason to understand why my sister because no resaon will take away my pain.every night i wake up during the night feeling the pain my partner has been wonderful but i hate showing people the pain i feel as they just say would your sister want you to be pain, of course she wouldnt but i have pain & i wish she was here with me & that dosent go away.. i hope you find your way in this nightmare because thats what u have to do each new day.

Permalink Reply by Mimi Giovanni on May 11, 2012 at 2:09pm

I understand all of you, it will be 4mths in a couple of days exactly since i heard her voice. I don't want to show my pain to others, it's not like have someone anyway to talk to. my kids are all i have and i don't want to put me all on them. My daughter call me and cried so much for  her aunt and i was tying hold it together for her. God it was hard, i just wanted to scream and scream as loud as i could. But i couldn't, I have always been the rock for everyone, the one to hold things together. My kept me sane, i am just tired now. I don't know if it's mental or physical tiredness. But all I know is I am tired, i cry myself to sleep, i cry in my car, in my bathroom, even in my office at work. But nobody knows about it, i was just thinking this is real. She is gone and never coming back, permanent, forever. i can't fathom never ever seeing her or talking to her. when I do tell some people about my feeling, that look like oh my God i don't want to hear this, so i don't say anything anymore. I keep it all to myself. I want to see her so bad Last night my daughter left a message on my phone and my heart dropped. She sounded like my sister so much i thought o my God she is here, until my daughter mama. my heart sank hard. I thought she say my now i am here, i am not gone. But she really is, how can i live with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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