Lauri Richards
  • 56, Female
  • Melbourne, Victoria
  • Australia
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About Me:
Trying to learn to breathe again..
About my Loss:
I lost my partner who passed in his sleep 3 weeks ago. After being best friends for so long we finally became much more. I feel like I've lost a part of myself. There is a void I cant fill.

Who knew that a 35 year old could pass in their sleep. And now having to wait for coroners report to know what caused it makes it hard to understand why. Not that I will ever really understand why.

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At 5:00pm on November 22, 2015, morgan said…

Laurie,

Just saw your friend request.  I never feel like I am much of a friend sometimes because I can't seem to pick myself enough to be very positive.  I struggle so much still.  Right now I have turned off my phone and refuse to have contact with those who have tried to support me through my grief.  I have no desire to interact.  I believe most of this has to do with the fact we are approaching holidays again.  I have stayed in my pajamas all day and am eating very little.  I wish I knew of some way to just stop thinking that I have lost everything I knew.  I have had some time where I am not as down but not quite enough to feel as though the journey is so much better than the options.  The problem for me seems to be I don't have the courage to die but I also don't have the desire to live.  It is a constant conflict.  

The best thing is that I know I am not crazy nor is this abnormal because so many other people are suffering the same way I am.  We all just deal with it the best we can.  It is always in flux and some days might be better.  Just know I and others are here for you.  And you will be here for us.  Thank you for reaching out.

At 12:40am on November 22, 2015, morgan said…

Laurie,

I am so sorry to hear of your partner dying and that you had obviously no warning that it was about to happen.  Breathing will be one of the many things you will have to relearn.  I have compared this grief as starting out being an infant.  You will have to construct a life with none of the tools you took for granted before.  You will have to learn how to crawl before you can learn to walk or talk.  I can't say how long it is for anyone else but I think I can say you have just been signed up to have a longer trip that you expect going down this path.  This is not to depress you.  What I am trying to say is don't expect too much from yourself because most things will not seem very familiar now.  The sage advice is to "take baby steps".  Don't try to take on too much and consider anything you do get done as a victory.  If you get your teeth brushed…..victory.  If you get something in your stomach…..victory.  That away the lack of what you think you should be doing won't loom so large.

I have been on this site for quite awhile and it is a good place to come and read or write.  People here all understand.  There is one part of the blog called “lost your spouse” where many of us write.  Stay with us as you will not feel so alone in your suffering.  You will learn that your pain is our pain.  It will let you know that everything you are feeling is pretty normal for all of us here.  

No one has answers we all just share in walking beside each other for support.  Take care.  We are here for you.

Morgan

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Lauri Richards's Blog

365 days.

I miss you.

I wish that was enough to accurately describe how I feel, but it does not even come close. I don’t just miss you; I feel so much more than a mere longing.

I miss your laugh, your lame jokes, your hugs, your voice, and your presence in my life. I miss your “hi” text in he mornings we weren’t together, the “be there soon” and the hours of time we spent together just talking and sharing our dreams and hopes. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I can’t say it…

Continue

Posted on October 24, 2016 at 10:47am — 2 Comments

This amazing guy happens to me, a man who taught me to trust again.  Who made me feel beautiful, special and worth loving and then he died! I'm so angry. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I h…

This amazing guy happens to me, a man who taught me to trust again.  Who made me feel beautiful, special and worth loving and then he died!

I'm so angry. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have,  or don’t have; he's not here.

People remind me to eat, sleep, and to take care of myself, but nothing…

Continue

Posted on December 10, 2015 at 10:00am

I feel you here.

I feel you here.

Are you really gone?

It's raining, kind of ironic, we buried you today.

Something pulls me, it's a tugging on my heart.

I feel you here, 

are you really gone?

My fingers trail along the rose I hold, tears streak my face.

The sunlight breaks through the trees.

I feel you here, 

are you really gone?

I sense your fingers intertwine with mine, warmth over comes my being.

A breeze whistles…

Continue

Posted on November 27, 2015 at 10:19am

It is helpful.....

It is helpful to be able to talk about the feelings that live within me everyday without feeling like I'm the only one who is experiencing this pain.  

I am at a phase in my life right now where I’m struggling with loneliness, heartache and all consuming numbness.

Every day, I feel a deep sense of disconnection from the world around me and the people I share it with.  The mere fact that I am writing this in the small hours of the morning, deafened by the ear-splitting…

Continue

Posted on November 26, 2015 at 8:28pm — 2 Comments

 
 
 

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