Feeling guilty for feeling happy.

I was busy today, bathed the animals, brushed them all out which is a  huge job with 1 himilayan cat, 1 maltese, 2 poodle crosses.  After everyone was blown dry and looking good we played inside for awhile before one of the dogs, the 4 year old foster Ive only had for a month started to dance around letting me know she wanted to go outside.  It was great, she was not good in the house when I got her so this was a giant step for her.  As I was bouncing and clapping and humming in excitement that she had done such a great thing I was stopped in mid stride with an overwhelming sence of horror that I was smiling, happy, practically singing for heavens sakes.  For a few minutes there the cloud of grief was gone, lost in space and time, but it came back like a slap in the face and I have been crying all afternoon.  Has anyone else had that feeling of guilt over being happy?  I know both my son and my husband would want me to be happy.  How can I not want that for myself?  What a day.  :(

 

Views: 2486

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Nicole on December 8, 2011 at 3:42am

I feel the same sometimes.  It is like it is "wrong" to be happy.  I know my parents and gran would want me to smile now and then, to laugh and have a good time.  But it is hard sometimes, I also feel so guilty.  I have these terrible mood swings, like one minute I am fine and the next I am crying like a baby.  It is terrible when it happens at work, especially when the bosses see.  I try to keep it in but it is tough.  I hope things get better for you....

Comment by anna l. on November 22, 2011 at 2:46am

Amanda, and I am glad you posted that it happens to you as well.  Of all the ups downs and sideways I have been through this was the most bizarre and the first time I really questioned my sanity.  I have trusted myself to do what was right for me up until this.  This, this feeling of guilt for having a moment of what I used to be, a happy person who took pleasure in the little stuff, really threw me.  Today was back to one minute at a time, one breath at a time.  Oh well, one more thing to work on. 

Melissa, my mom passed away nearly 30 years ago and I still get teary when I make something that was her specialty.  And they are a mix of missing her sad, and loving I had her for a mom happy tears with a smile.  I hope you have more happy days too.

Comment by Amanda Ab on November 21, 2011 at 9:48pm

anna, i am so glad i am not the only one suffering from guilty feelings.

I get those feelings of guilt, at times. I feel guilty for been okay at times. I feel guilty for having a smile at times. Guilty for not having cried in 1 day. For me, i have had trouble coping with these guilty toughts for the past week. I even guilty for the smallest things (eating, sleeping, playing with my son, when my husband no longer has that. I have mentioned this to my psychologist, who she has told me not to allow the guilty ruin the "few" okay times we might have in our days. I see it as a negative vs. positive bird i have on each shoulder. positive bird, allowing me to live, to play, to laugh and saying to me "its okay for you to be okay, it does not mean you got over your husband's loss or loved him any less. And then i have "negative bird" on the other shoulder, telling me "how could you laugh, how could you be okay, how could you, you bad person"..

 It is hard to deal with all of this, but belive we are not doing anything else besides "Living One Day at a Time"...

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 21, 2011 at 8:28pm

Anna,

That's good thing that happened today don't feel bad about it..It gives you hope..It doesn't mean that you miss them any less or that your over it. It mean's that you might be able to carry on even though he's gone. Just take one day at a time..I'm very busy I have a husband and 3 small Children so I get into cooking and cleaning doing laundry not thinking about nothing.. And then Wam I'll think about something to do with my mom..something she said or did..or taught me..And the tears start flowing I miss her like crazy...and yes I'm sad..But I actually have some happy tears now! Anyways..Hope you have more good days :)

Hugs,

Melissa

Groups

Latest Activity

Rachel Slesinski updated their profile
yesterday
Rachel Slesinski joined Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group
Thumbnail

Grief Counseling

Diana Young, LD/N, GC-C, ORDMDiana is a Certified Grief Counselor with The American Institute of Health Care Professionals, Inc since 2015. She is also a licensed Dietitian/Nutritionist for 30 years specializing in weight management, diabetes care, the mind diet and healthy eating. Diana created the popular website OnlineGriefSupport.com in 2008 with over 15,000 members.  Currently She facilitates a virtual grief support group weekly. Previously Diana worked for Cornerstone Hospice, providing…See More
Monday
124 Comments
Profile IconAdele and Melissa Gutierrez joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 16
Lisa Jonasson Meyer commented on Dayna's group Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide
"Hi there. I lost my baby brother to fentanyl (which was laced with myriad of other drugs) on September 28 2023. He'd struggled with opioid addiction since being given a prescription for an opioid in his teens after shattering his nose. Our…"
Jul 12
Lisa Jonasson Meyer joined Dayna's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide

If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide please share your story or feelings here. Share the love and beauty of the one you lost. Losing someone any of these ways is not natural and can be hard to understand and ask why? I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago. She also suffered from major depression. Her doctor got her hooked on pain medication and she was addicted most of my life. These doctors who were suppose to help her ended up killing her in the end. I also…See More
Jul 12
1 Comment
Profile IconHeath, Joe, Khrissie and 10 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 11
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"As a card and a medium I should not be mad at God but I am very mad at god the way things have been going on in my life where my sister suffered of cancer and died of cancer by the God do this to a person it was a good person yes whatever arguments…"
Jun 5
dream moon JO B joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Jun 4
2 Comments

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service