Richard Rivera
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  • Union City, NJ
  • United States
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TODAY DECEMBER 2nd IS MY FIRST YEAR WITHOUT ANNETTE

Has a year really gone by that fast? I'm sitting outside, the sun is out and TV's weather beutiful. Only I sit alone. Annette and I sat next to each other every day and talked about how the birds…Continue

Started Dec 2, 2017

LOOKING FOR CHILDLESS WIDOW/ERS IN THE HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY AREA

I  trying to find a grieving group where the members DO NOT HAVE support via family members. Their relatives, their children etc...I'm trying to start a group for those like myself who have no…Continue

Started Nov 30, 2017

MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
6 Replies

This December 2nd will mark the first full year of my wife's death. I am still alone. In the dark. ANd I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life. A full year and each day feels like the first…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Nov 29, 2017.

TIMES HAVE GOTTEN WORSE... WISH IT WEREN'T SO..
3 Replies

It's been a while since I posted anything. I think I needed to tell others what's been going on since my beloved wife Annette died last December 2nd. We had no children, no friends or relatives. All…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Oct 25, 2017.

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Latest Activity

Frances Koonce replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"Dear Richard, it’s been several months since you posted and I’m concerned about your well being.I’ve only been visiting this forum for about a week or so, but I’m trying to learn about others as I know mutual support is…"
Aug 7, 2018
Pam and Richard Rivera are now friends
Jul 29, 2018
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"It's been almost 2 years now and I still wake up screaming out Annette's name. I am living in terror. I am  living in hell. I even find myself heading toward homelessness soon. I was turned down for a 3rd time for ss disability.…"
Jun 2, 2018
bluebird replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"You are absolutely wrong, at least in terms of trying to apply your view on this to every grieving person. I am not in the least bit confused, I know exactly how I feel, and what I do & don't want. I want my husband -- he is my soulmate, my…"
Jun 1, 2018
Robin M Bond replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"Hi there, it is very difficult to live alone and spend a whole life in loneliness. I think in every phase of life you need someone who cares for you, make you smile and love you. I think you need to take the help of professionals who can help you…"
Apr 12, 2018
Kelley J Lopez replied to Richard Rivera's discussion FIRST BIRTHDAY ALONE...
"I am sorry to hear this. But I wish you happy birthday and good wishes for you."
Jan 10, 2018
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

TODAY DECEMBER 2nd IS MY FIRST YEAR WITHOUT ANNETTE

Has a year really gone by that fast? I'm sitting outside, the sun is out and TV's weather beutiful. Only I sit alone. Annette and I sat next to each other every day and talked about how the birds chirp led and squirrels could race past us. Arrying thief munchies to their nests.All that is gone. I sit alone, my breathing today is at it's worse. Even when we were obese we suffered together. It made us appreciate life so much more. Now the pain of grief and body makes life beyond unfulfilling.…See More
Dec 2, 2017
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

LOOKING FOR CHILDLESS WIDOW/ERS IN THE HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY AREA

I  trying to find a grieving group where the members DO NOT HAVE support via family members. Their relatives, their children etc...I'm trying to start a group for those like myself who have no children, no family or friends. Who have fallen through the cracks and wonder why they keep suffering alone.Tragic tho a loss is, imagine being so alone in the world and in mental and physical pain with little or no hope left -- and no one to help.I want to start a support group for those who have…See More
Nov 30, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"David: I have yet to get the bloodwork results back. I ned to contact the doctor for the follow up this week. I don't know, I keep begging Annette to forgive me, take me with her. I continue even with the first full year of her death I scream…"
Nov 29, 2017
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"Hello Richard, Sorry you're not doing well. Hopefully the results of your bloodwork will give your provider somewhere to begin with treatment - what do they say? What kind of work do you do?  If you can't do it anymore, aren't…"
Nov 29, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"David Thank you for responding to my post I don’t know why I am in the condition that I am in but hopefully the bloodwork will be more detailed as always time is running out I could no longer carry this weight of 459 pounds my knees are…"
Nov 29, 2017
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"Bless you Richard, You're pulling all my strings. I too cry out for my beloved to come for me and not leave me behind; it's been my worst nightmare. Is there some physical malfunction the reason for your weight gain?  What does your…"
Nov 28, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"I keep screaming into the night. I cry out to Annette to come for me. I beg her not to leave me behind. I wait and wait. My health is such that my morbid obesity has gotten even worse. I have over 15 pounds of lymphatic fluid increase in just a few…"
Nov 28, 2017
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"I'm so sorry, Richard The loss of your dear Annette would be more than enough to handle.  You also have health and financial problems, and a job you dislike - all so overwhelming. I understand how you want it all over and be with your…"
Nov 27, 2017
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL

This December 2nd will mark the first full year of my wife's death. I am still alone. In the dark. ANd I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life. A full year and each day feels like the first day I lost Annette.I go to a job so unfulfilling, where each day I get closer to being let go (for whatever reason). It's a matter of time. My health is now at a point where the fluid sack between my legs has actually grown. The pain is indescribable. I don't know how much longer I have left until…See More
Nov 27, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to bobby parks's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE
"Dear Bobby: I really do feel the agony and suffering you’re going through. I lost my wife December 2nd. We were childless. We had only each other. I live alone. No friends not even a goldfish. Despite your tradegy, you still have a son who so…"
Nov 6, 2017

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost my beloved Honey Bunny wife Annette on December 2nd, 2016. She died from complications from obesity. I myself am obese and heading down the same path. We had no children and I am alone. I live now in silence and devestated.

Comment Wall (5 comments)

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At 5:22pm on May 18, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Richard,  I hope you are doing better today.  I know how terrible it is to lose the lose you love. Sometimes the grief is unbearable.  I wish I knew how to deal with this terrrible sadness.  I guess we just have to go through it, it's like a storm that has to end. Take care of yourself.   Bev   

At 4:03pm on May 16, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Richard,  I hope you can begin to accept what has happened to you.  I prey that for myself also.  Life without your love is terrible.  What can we do?  I guess, we try to accept what we cannot change, but for me, right now that doesn't seem possible.  I hope you  can find your way, I hope I can too.  I  keep thinking, "better to love and lost, than not to have loved at all".  Sounds good but doesn't work for me.

At 8:35pm on May 15, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yesterday, Richard, was a very sad day without my husband celebrating mother's day with me.  As I was lying in bed later in the day, I looke up at the ceiling and I saw a basket of beautiful flowers.  I never had hallucinations in my lifetime, and I don't know what a near death experience is, but I thought I would  share this with you.  Bev

At 8:17pm on December 25, 2016, morgan said…

Its what we all keep praying for Richard.  Just last night I took a sturdy cardboard box that a lamp had come in and I kicked it so hard and so long against the wall I thought I was going to pass out.  Some hours can be unbearable.  Some minutes we try to breathe.  Some days are measured knowing we are one day closer to not having to be here alone and hoping we are going to be embraced by our beloved again.  

Its alot of wishing and hoping......and in the interim praying it doesn't last long.  I haven't found an end to the suffering but I will say it varies in degrees.  And yes,  tearing you to pieces sounds all too familiar.  We just bear it.  Endure it.  And this time of year is definitely very very hard.  People who live in the old universe still celebrating while we are jumping off the bridge.  Soon we will be into January ..... try to find something to keep you busy Richard.  Its one of the ways to save your brain from totally going over.....distraction will help somewhat......take care Richard....

At 3:12pm on December 25, 2016, Richard Rivera said…
Today December 25th and I woke up screaming out my wife's name. I chased around the apartment and am in agony. There's no end to this suffering. What do I have? An apartment and a lousy job with silence and grief that's tearing me to pieces. I keep hoping I don't wake up. It is the only thing that I continue to pray for.

Richard Rivera's Blog

LOOKING TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE HOW HAS HAD A RECORDED NDE

Hello:

I'm looking to (either in this forum or privately by email) to speak to those of you who have had a NDE. 

I wanted to understand certain aspects of the NDE and hope someone can clarify some questions I have.

I'd be forever grateful...

Thanks

Richard Rivera

Posted on May 15, 2017 at 2:40pm — 4 Comments

 
 
 

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Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
Monday

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