Bethany
  • Female
  • Russian Federation
Share

Bethany's Friends

  • Nora
  • Jackie cooke
  • Billy Jo Colt

Bethany's Groups

Gifts Received

Gift

Bethany has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

Bethany's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
From Alabama, living in Moscow (yes, Russia).
About my Loss:
On June 19, 2016, my family and I made the decision to remove my mom from life support, which had been keeping her "alive" for two days. I lost my mom, my best friend, and a huge piece of myself. And I'm not handling it at all well.

Bethany's Blog

Drowning...

I can't do this anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I feel like I'm lost. Like I'm drowning again. I thought things were getting better, that I was finally learning to handle my emotions, that I was coping. But now I'm right back where I was a year ago. I just want to curl up in a corner somewhere and cry myself to sleep. Over and over again. Nothing's changed, nothing's happened. And that's the worst part, knowing that it's coming from within. That I'm doing this to myself. I just… Continue

Posted on August 13, 2017 at 11:37am — 4 Comments

Home Alone

Home for the summer. In a house that has never felt less like home. This is the first time I've really been HOME since I lost Mom. I was here at Thanksgiving, but there were so many people around that I didn't have any time to process anything. Today though it's just been me and the dog. The dog Mom said she didn't want but not so secretly adored, of course. And I hate it. Not the dog; she's lovely. But the house. The house I grew up in. The house my mom called home. The house I've always…

Continue

Posted on July 4, 2017 at 8:03pm

One down...

Having a glass of wine for my mom tonight and trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been gone for a year. A whole year. A year without daily emails just so I'd wake up to an email every morning. A year without daily Skype chats just to catch up even though nothing much ever changed. A year without an e-card for every random holiday. A year without hearing about the dumb things my dad was or wasn't doing. A year without my best friend. A year without my mom.

Posted on June 19, 2017 at 3:45pm

Cookies and Wine

This is going to sound ridiculous, but... I just ate the last cookie my mom ever bought for me... When I moved overseas 5+ years ago, the only thing I reeeeeally missed was Girl Scout cookies. So it became a habit of my mom's to order a couple extra boxes of Thin Mints and Tagalongs (the best GS cookies,of course) every year to save for me. Last year was no exception. I arrived home last June to find a proper mountain of cookies - enough for myself and a friend - waiting for me. Most didn't…

Continue

Posted on June 2, 2017 at 3:28pm — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (2 comments)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 5:35pm on May 28, 2017, Billy Jo Colt said…

Hi Bethany, all might not be lost. Where were the files, pictures? It is possible to retrieve files depending on where the files are? what operating system you have and if your system has a virus? ?There are different actions for each, individual problem. Sadly I had been keeping a diary for nearly 4 years since my girlfriend died. My brand new computer crashed. The guy I got to look at it wiped the entire hard drive that I had transfered the file to. Somehow I had deleted the original file on the old laptop. I used an eraser program that did delete it forever. Looking back it happened for a reason. I had read a post on here where a member had found her husband had written some not nice things about their relationship that were unkind to say the least. I had done something similar and thought just how much it would affect my friends if they read my diary. I know how distraught you must feel. Again there are ways to retrieve those files. Depending on the situation. Even if the laptop is completely gone. The hard drive can be removed and put in what is called a hard drive caddy. They are very cheap to buy and once hooked up to another computer, the files can be accessed and transfered to another laptop or computer. Try not to be dismayed. There are some good options out there in the computer world. I would be more than happy to help with your problem.

At 3:03pm on May 10, 2017, Nora said…

Bethany, I know how it feels. I lost my mother in 1971 when I was 8 yo. So many years and I miss her every day. My life would be absolutely different if I have not lost her at that age. I always think how it would be is she was alive, with me. I grew a very lonely, depressed and unprotected child always looking for love, seeking love, working hard to deserve love. I will tell you something that it

I will tell you something that it doesn't sound right for you... I envy you. I envy millions of people who had a beautiful opportunity to have a mother for some years, for many years. I think you all are so fortunate. I think you are so lucky to have that chance to call your mother and say - Mom, I missed school bus - pick me up, Mom, I had a date, Mom, I think I want to marry this boy, Mom, I'm pregnant, Mom, my daughter looks just like you... I never had this chance. Ever. I remember her looks but I forgot her voice, I don't remember anything we did together and how she looked at me or touched me. I only remember 3 events: we had vacation on a beach wth her, lots of tulips for her birthday, and one trip to hospital when she asked me to go with her but I was all pissed and protesting walked very far behind her and I remember her walking slowly using walls to help herself to walk. That's it!

Since that time I know she is with me. She is always with me. Though nobody told me about heaven or spirits or life after death... Anytime I need her help, I ask her and things just go in right direction. I feel she is with me. ALWAYS!

Your mother never actually left you. Just ease your mind, open your heart and listen and open your eyes - you will see signs and meet good people.

I smiled to see where you are right now. It is my native country - I was born in St. Petersburg and live in Dallas, Texas now.

I am here if you need any support - just let me know - I have free calls to Russia.

Sending you lots of love and a huge warm hug.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I tried Lexapro Theresa. It made me sick, unfocused, fatigued, gave me motion sickness, and made me sleepy as H E double L. It was not the drug for me. I had an abnormal reaction to it. But it is a good antidepressant for others.  My head hurts…"
5 minutes ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Congratulations Avi!!!! Enjoy!!! Brett, I am anxious even before I get out of the bed and that starts everything my IBS, anxiety, headache, I will be honest I have taken Lexapro 5mg for a while after my mom passed, I stopped, I felt like a bloated…"
3 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett do you not work regular hours since you’re up late always?   Today when I got up I said I was afraid to be awake.  This is how messed up my mind is."
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, your mom knows exactly how much you love her. She knows now more than ever."
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I think we would all want a do-over even if we had done everything right. I did cry in front of my mom on many occasions. I can't say that I regret that. I think all of that was an affirmation of love, though I am sure that it caused…"
7 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My car is red too. It is such a happy color."
7 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Awesome car Avi Bluebell"
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Guys this is my first car, bought specifically as a wish of my deceased mother. She loved red. "
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, that is the biggest setback. We do not get a second chance. Yesterday my father told me something that is causing lot of pain, regret but I am still holding up my emotions. He told me about few gestures of me and my wife which used to hurt…"
7 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,  I cried in the oncologists office many times and in the radiologist office so I guess I’m really bad.  I am not strong like her. I should’ve thought of how she felt instead of my own fear.  I did this the whole…"
7 hours ago
Virginia G replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Britt, I think I am more jealous when I see other people, in particular families, because I don’t have mine now.  My world is upside down and I dont belong in it now.  I don’t feel as though I deserve to be happy because I have…"
8 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"That's just not what I pictured at all. No blue hair. No cat glasses. You probably don't even have a leopard print jumpsuit."
10 hours ago
Britt Steele replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Hey, I read your post.  I think I've gone through some of what you've felt.  Why do you feel as if you shouldn't live a happy life?  Have you removed yourself from some aspects of the reality of life to dull yourself of…"
10 hours ago
Britt Steele replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Virginia, I thought of some things, but I wanted to ask you some stuff, without making any presumptions.  Do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy like what you are seeing of the people you are seeing during the day?  Do you…"
10 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Great photo Bluebell!"
18 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
21 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I did not fall. I do not have high blood pressure. It was just a fluke with no apparent cause at this time. I am thinking of you all and wishing you the best. It makes me dizzy to read very much, so I have to keep it simple. I love you all. I am…"
21 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I had numbness when my mother took her last breath in ICU. I did not know what to do and doctor told me that she is not in good condition and just let her go. I requested them to try their best but did not ask too many questions. This was…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry my computer is a little behind everyones posts are not showing up unless I click on them  sorry"
yesterday

© 2018   Created by Jarvis.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service