David A
  • Male
  • Des Moines, IA
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a 56 year old male who drives trucks for a living. Its not a job a really wanted but needed in hard times. I used have a companion and co-pilot named Lisa, who would enjoy traveling the country and seeing the sites with me. Before she got to ill to travel I took her to see places like Atlantic City and its famous boardwalk. We went to Disneyworld and Cape Canaveral in the spring when there were not crowds. Her favorite place to visit though was Las Vegas. We made a couple of trips out there.
About my Loss:
My girlfriend/wife committed suicide on 4/20/11 while I was on a trip to California. It took me 3 days to get home and those were the longest 3 days of my life. For what ever reason, Lisa was tired of living with her disease and tired of all the pain that came with it. She suffered from Huntington's which is a fatal disease inherited from her dad. She took care of her father until she died and said many times that she would kill herself before she got as bad as he did.

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David A's Blog

My heart still yearns for you

Here is a poem for my beloved Lisa who passed away one year ago.  I will forever remember the good times we shared and the warmth of you heart when you are not sick.  I miss you today more than ever and will always love you. 

If tears could build a stairway



And memories were a lane,



I would walk right up to…

Continue

Posted on April 21, 2012 at 10:07am

Momentary lapses of sadness

Momentary lapses of sadness is something I wish to describe as those moments in which I am overcome with dread and  emotion about the loss of the beloved Lisa.  This is different than grieving I believe because these moments don't last very long now.  They come to me while I rethink the events surrounding her death and our wonderful life together(which seems like 24/7 although she been gone for 3 months now).  

 

My latest momentary lapse of sadness was this morning as I looked…

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Posted on August 7, 2011 at 10:50am

Today was a good day

I don't know really happened today as I traveled to Omaha for work but today was a better day than yesterday.  I can think about my loss and still want to cry but it didn't happen half as much as yesterday. I have offered kind words to others and I believe my Lisa would appreciate that. She was always willing to help others in need even when she suffered from her disease.  I wonder now who will take care of me the way she did whenever I got sick or didn't feel well.   I hope to find solace…

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Posted on May 27, 2011 at 8:30pm

Oh where did you go

I used to have a picture of my late wife that was printed at a photo booth. It was a head shot and she was looking slightly up as if she was looking to the sky.  I sue to carry that picture with me as I traveled across this country in my semi-truck to remind me of her. She used to come on trips with me as we saw America together and she really enjoyed the various places we visited.  But for some reason the picture, which I put in a basket on the kitchen table is gone.. I don't know what she… Continue

Posted on May 22, 2011 at 10:18am — 1 Comment

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At 12:59am on October 19, 2012, Joseph G. Bartlett said…

i just needed to say how sorry i am for lose and thank you for the kind words it did/does help me  feel some what little better knowing im not completely alone  wrrrit/message me eny time ok take care

At 9:01pm on August 9, 2012, Bruncha M said…

David,

thanks for the link..i found it useful.

Its been nearly 3 months since my friend died.  I have written some poetry about her and it has helped.

 

I think that the thing that pissed me off was that her sister shut down my friends facebook account.  We, the friends of the deceased had used the page as a tribute, posting pics, telling stories... crying and laughing over our friend's avante guard life  and her " to hell with the conventional rules" style.

Now, thats all gone too!  To the best of my knowledge there wasnt an memorial service. and they quickly had an estate sale of all her things,

 

I had asked for something small, to remember her, and there was no response from the family.

 

I do appreciate that maybe their way of handling this is to get it behind them fast and to try to forget it, I just feel angry that they offered me no closure.  I will deal with that in time too,

 

I'm glad to have this site since the people here are willing to provide the space and support to process and face the grief.  Other people around me just want me to " get on with things...

Little do they seem to realize that grieving IS getting on with job 1 !

 

Be well everyone, be gentle with yourself.

 

At 12:00pm on May 26, 2012, Lynne M. said…

As usual, thanks for the message, David.  I find them very useful.  I am absolutely determined to get out and enjoy this long weekend.  I am going to try to spend as much of it as possible outside.  I am going to do those things that I would have done with my husband.  It seems so obvious but I really had to come to the understanding that I can still do all the same things - just not with him.  I am not willing to give up activities that we always enjoyed together.  It's an adjustment but one well worth working to make.  You have a good weekend, too.  All the best, L.

At 8:31pm on May 21, 2012, Lynne M. said…

Well, David, I made it through the weekend and my husband's birthday and got back to work today, which is always good.  I'm thinking that the weekends are definitely going to be the hardest for me so I figure I need to make more weekend plans to compensate for that.  I'm learning how to arrange things to make it easier for myself.  There's a LOT of learning to be done right now, that's for sure.  I've appreciated your notes and comments and always wish you all the best.  Hope you had a good weekend.  L.

At 6:49pm on May 20, 2012, Joanne Welch said…

Thanks David.  It's so hard to function right now.  I feel so alone and lost.  He was my best friend and we did everything together.  We didn't have kids and we moved to a new area 2 1/2 years ago for his job, so we don't have family nearby.  People are trying to help, but they haven't lost a spouse and it's hard for them to understand what I'm going through.  Sometimes I just want to give up it's so hard.  

At 9:24pm on May 17, 2012, Lynne M. said…

Hi David.  Yes, it's been very helpful for me to come on here from time to time.  Most of you have been going down this road much longer than I have and I see that I have much to learn from other people's experiences and thoughts about the process.  Also, it's just nice to spend some time with people who are going through much of the same things that I am...there's definitely something to be said for shared sadness and grief.  This Sunday will be my husband's 62nd birthday and then our 42nd anniversary is coming up in June, so I have the feeling that these days will be a bit more difficult.  What have your experiences been with such days, if I might ask?  I'm trying to think of some way to commemorate them and perhaps not feel as sad as I imagine I might.  Maybe I'm asking the impossible - not sure.  Anyway, take care and thanks again for the kind words.  L.

At 10:51pm on May 15, 2012, Lynne M. said…

My thoughts, huh?  Well, I'm glad that every waking minute isn't as miserable as those first several weeks were! Finished work, went out for coffee with my daughter, came home and did some watering in the beautiful Spring gardens. Just very grateful for these "lighter" days and for the ability to notice nice things around me now - it's been a while. How about you?  What's on your mind today?

At 3:50pm on May 12, 2012, Lynne M. said…

Thanks again, David.  It's nice to pop on here and find some nice words from someone who knows of what they speak - it makes a difference because I know that you've been where I am so it's not at all theoretical to you.  You sound like you're definitely doing much better and that your life is moving forward again and that's good to hear...and definitely hopeful.  I'm doing quite a bit better, too.  I still have my moments, of course, but I feel more like myself again every day and that's a very good thing.  I don't want to get stuck in sadness.  As I've said before, we had a long and wonderful life together and I hope to have a wonderful life on my own, as well.  Take care and have a good weekend. L.

At 11:40pm on May 10, 2012, Lynne M. said…

Hi David and thanks for the nice message.  I'm so sorry for you loss, of course.  I've only come on here a couple of times but it's always nice to find kind words from someone.  It makes a difference to connect with others who have been where I am.  I feel like they might have some advice and some direction for me, as I so often feel that I'm just muddling through.  This is SUCH uncharted territory for me (for everyone, I guess) and those that have gone before me often have some helpful insights.  So, again, thanks.  Wishing you all the best.  Lynne

At 6:49pm on August 14, 2011, Sandy G said…

Hi David, Thank-you for your comment. It is 6 months tonight. It is getting a little easier.

I saw your post about NASCAR races. Ken loved watching them and got me into it. I watch when I can (I don't have cable, so when they are on FOX or ABC). I miss sitting next to him on his couch.

Take care, Sandy

 
 
 

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