I'm grateful I found this group

I have been struggling completely alone for nearly 2 years. I felt like there HAD to be others in my position out there but I had no way to find out.  I finally found a shrink who told me the term disenfranchised grief.  And told me about this site.  I feel hope for the first time in nearly 2 years.  I have been so completely and utterly alone and have had NO way to work through my grief other than bottling it up.

We are/were both married to other people, literally no one knew/knows.  It's been nearly 2 years and I'm as devastated as day one.  I've attempted suicide twice in this time.  I just....I can't see a way to live without him.  I feel like my soul, spirit and life have left me with him and I have no will to go on.  I miss him so much every day.  Every.  Single.  Day.  

Views: 516

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kelly on March 31, 2021 at 3:13pm
Two years for me as well. March 10, 2019. I attempted suicide once and considered it twice. I still sometimes wish for some illness or accident to take me. I hate telling people my best friend died and then having to say it was He and not She. The weird looks. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I loved him and he loved me. No one knew that. No one can comfort me by telling me they know he loved me.
Permalink Reply by Tina on April 1, 2021 at 2:28am

My loss has not been as long and I keep hoping that with time it will get better, but then I find that not being able to tell people that I lost someone I loved because I know they will judge me has been incredibly hard.  I have to say the same thing to everyone, that I lost my best friend and he was my best friend not just someone I loved.  I find myself wishing I could just talk to him one more time or when I am having a really hard day being able to turn to him and know that I have his support.  Somedays I just can't believe he is gone, he was here one day and just gone the next.  I struggle to watch anything on tv, because a simple romance or relationship reminds me of him and I just cry and I can't tell anyone why.  If you ever feel like talking I would appreciate the friendship and understanding of a loss that I just can't share with anyone.  

Permalink Reply by Kelly on April 1, 2021 at 10:50am
How long has it been? I was there. I used to watch silly Hallmark shows while cooking bc they are easy to listen to even without seeing them. But I couldn’t stand them for almost 2 years. Dateline felt bad but I felt like those were “my people” when the family/grievers were interviewed. Have you read “It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok”? I can’t recommend brag enough. It’s like she wrote my feelings in a book. It was incredibly painful the first time I read it just after he died. I just re-read it during the build up and event of 2 years. I underlined things this time like a crazy person studying something, like I’m trying to find an answer in there. Also watch “Speaking Grief” documentary. It’s available thru a link on refugeingrief.com. That is a website by the author of the book.

I am here whenever you want. I don’t look at that email a lot. But I will now. Eventually we could text maybe?

Tell me how you met him, how long you were together and how he died. I KNOW you want to talk about him and your relationship as it really was. The love is still there bursting to get out.
Permalink Reply by Alice Smith on April 5, 2021 at 7:24pm

It's been over 2 years now and it hurts as bad as the first day.

Permalink Reply by Alice Smith on April 5, 2021 at 7:25pm

Sorry my replies are short.  I struggle with talking/typing about this. 

Permalink Reply by Tina on April 6, 2021 at 1:40pm

He passed away on January 1st so it is a little over 3 months.  I have a hard time writing about it on the board and thought maybe messaging you privately would be easier.  I do want to talk about him and our relationship.  However, I also know that because of how complicated our relationship was and everything surrounding us that others will not understand.  I miss him so much and there are days I just can't believe it still that he is gone.  I am thankful for the fact that he knew he was loved before he died and that he loved me.

Permalink Reply by Kelly on April 6, 2021 at 8:18am
Me too. I couldn’t even type anything in here 2 years ago. There is an online group workshop called Writing Your Grief I’ve been encouraged to do. I’ve been told to write a journal. Can’t. How do you write down the infinity of the pain? It would take all the time in the world to write down the universe of the pain. And to look at it that detailed and that much would hurt too bad.
Permalink Reply by Kelly on April 6, 2021 at 8:19am
But if you want to talk about him and your relationship and how wonderful it is you can tell me. I would love to know.
Permalink Reply by kyrs on July 19, 2022 at 5:25am
i am so sorry. :(

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

dream moon JO B posted a blog post

i miss the family its no longer here

i miss the family so much its no longer here mom dad uncle sister  aunites pets frineds its like family i miss them all im woried im going to have no body soon i am iv being on this forum since 2012 dont get on much thease days i dont iv saed a lot of goodbyes from people from my church im a spirtalest  but its still hard saying goodbye See More
Jul 6
0 Comments
Joshua Gordon is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 1
Welcome Them!
Marco is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jun 23
Welcome Them!
Walter Craig posted a discussion

...both parents

I lost my mama to cancer after her 10 month battle with Vulvar Cancer and I had to witness some very horrific days. She suffered so much and I tried to be there with her as much as I could but she did not survive this monster and passed away.my dad was also battening lung disease and he passed away 7 weeks later. I am 32 and no siblings and no family of my own.some days I feel lost and I don't know if I can carry on...See More
Jun 11
0 Comments
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

The Wheels on (My Grief) Bus Go Round and Round...

New Year - 2025!At the start of the year I returned to Thailand for another medical mission.  This was my fourth trip for this and I was somewhat ready/prepared for the heightened emotions.  Not sure why...no real connection to Jen or her accident, but in the past these trips offer some extended alone time, away from others, away from people that speak the same language and as such seem to bring the thoughts back to the forefront.  Strangely, the same levels of emotionality were not there.  Not…See More
May 30
0 Comments
Speed Weasel commented on Dottie's status
"Dottie, do you find the anniversary dates to still be as emotionally difficult as the first couple times?  I find that some years, it is very fresh and raw, others almost (almost) slip by without fanfare."
May 30
Speed Weasel replied to Mabel Murphy's discussion My husband passed away
"So sorry for you with his passing. That is rough, that there has been so much time between the initial diagnosis and the final moments.  On top of the 'normal' grief, you may also start to feel relief, which is likely to add to the…"
May 30
LP is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
May 28
Welcome Them!

© 2025   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service