Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I have been struggling completely alone for nearly 2 years. I felt like there HAD to be others in my position out there but I had no way to find out. I finally found a shrink who told me the term disenfranchised grief. And told me about this site. I feel hope for the first time in nearly 2 years. I have been so completely and utterly alone and have had NO way to work through my grief other than bottling it up.
We are/were both married to other people, literally no one knew/knows. It's been nearly 2 years and I'm as devastated as day one. I've attempted suicide twice in this time. I just....I can't see a way to live without him. I feel like my soul, spirit and life have left me with him and I have no will to go on. I miss him so much every day. Every. Single. Day.
My loss has not been as long and I keep hoping that with time it will get better, but then I find that not being able to tell people that I lost someone I loved because I know they will judge me has been incredibly hard. I have to say the same thing to everyone, that I lost my best friend and he was my best friend not just someone I loved. I find myself wishing I could just talk to him one more time or when I am having a really hard day being able to turn to him and know that I have his support. Somedays I just can't believe he is gone, he was here one day and just gone the next. I struggle to watch anything on tv, because a simple romance or relationship reminds me of him and I just cry and I can't tell anyone why. If you ever feel like talking I would appreciate the friendship and understanding of a loss that I just can't share with anyone.
It's been over 2 years now and it hurts as bad as the first day.
Sorry my replies are short. I struggle with talking/typing about this.
He passed away on January 1st so it is a little over 3 months. I have a hard time writing about it on the board and thought maybe messaging you privately would be easier. I do want to talk about him and our relationship. However, I also know that because of how complicated our relationship was and everything surrounding us that others will not understand. I miss him so much and there are days I just can't believe it still that he is gone. I am thankful for the fact that he knew he was loved before he died and that he loved me.