How do people find something positive every day after the loss of their spouse?

I just learned about this on-line support group and decided to join.  I am just trying to find some good things in this new world without the love of my life.  We were together for over 33 years and the sadness and grief is overpowering.  I want and need to help my 21 year old daughter too, but man it is hard.  I feel like I went from a perfect life to a life that will always suck...

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Jim, I am also new to this group and to this experience. I lost my husband of 20 years a little over a month ago. I too worry about how to be there four our 19 yr old daughter. As far as how to find something positive each day, that is challenging. I force myself to name at least one positive thing at the end of each day. And it doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be as simple as I got out of bed or I made it through the day at work. Sometimes it's that I received a text or call from a friend. For me forcing myself to acknowledge one positive thing when basically everything sucks sort of helps.

thank you!  Keep doing that...I do my positive notes in the am, which is when I feel the best right now

I have never after 3 years found any answers yet. I am so lonely and lost I barely get through each day. I TRY nd keep things together for my son. My life just feels over. I find enjoyment in

Nothing. I understand how you feel Jim. Life

Does suck!!! Much luck to you!!

Life without her does suck.  I really try to see the good things in the world and hang on to those-like my daughter and I cooking together, going out and getting a coffee with her, etc.  I am sorry for your loss Beth-just try to take it one small step at a time.  No words can comfort us, but maybe today something really good will happen-we can only hope.  JH

I'm sorry for your loss of your love Jim.  I wish I could give you some advice but I can't.  If you read my posts and those of many others here, you'll find that you are not alone with your grief.  One thing I can suggest is don't hide your grief from your daughter.  Grieve together.  My children and grandchildren know how I feel and that I'll never be the person I was without their mother and grandmother with me.  They are all doing ok now and accept that I won't be ok.  Oh, I'll smile and try to play with my grandkids, but the pain of their grandma not being there tears me up while I'm doing that because she use to roll around the floor with them.   My only hope is to be with her soon.  You can try outside help.  Maybe it can help you and your daughter, but psychologists and bereavement groups didn't help me because I can't be "fixed".  It's not an illness.  They want to cure this "illness", and as I see it, I'd have to give her up as gone, or sort of faded from memory, and I'll never do that.  She was my life.  It was always forever to us, not till death do us part.  Keep sharing here.  and ask your daughter to join the lost my mom group.  If so, it might be a good idea if you both agree not to look at each other's posts so you both can share your feelings without thinking that her or you might restrict being open with your feelings.  I believe my wife is still with me in spirit and I talk to her all day.  Have faith that you will be reunited with her someday.  That's the only positive thing I can dwell on. 

God Bless,

Joe

I am so sorry for your loss, Joe.  I think your idea about my daughter joining is really good and I appreciate that.  Like you, I choose to believe we will be reunited one day and I find some solace in that.  I don't know what that's like but I do know she'll never be here again with me.  Every day is a struggle and I pray that each day has something good in it, something that she would want me to enjoy.  You take care and spoil those kids and grand kids!

I am very sorry for your loss Jim

I gain strength from the hope we have for the future. I believe that we WILL be reunited with our loved ones.

The Bible gives us this promise:

 John 5:25 — “Most truly I say to you, the hour is coming, and it is now, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who have paid attention will live.

We even have recorded events in the Bible when loved ones were reunited by a resurrection. One of them is here:

Mark 5:41,42 — Then, taking the hand of the child, he said to her: “Talʹi·tha cuʹmi,” which, when translated, means: “Little girl, I say to you, get up!” 42 And immediately the girl rose and began walking. (She was 12 years old.) And at once they were beside themselves with great ecstasy.

This is Account is about a 12 year old girl who had died. When Jesus ressurected her the family was “beside themselves with great ecstasy.”

We will feel that way to...when we are reunited with our loved ones. 

I know now it doesn’t take your pain and loneliness away, but if it gives you HOPE,  then you may be able to cope a little better. 

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