How do people find something positive every day after the loss of their spouse?

I just learned about this on-line support group and decided to join.  I am just trying to find some good things in this new world without the love of my life.  We were together for over 33 years and the sadness and grief is overpowering.  I want and need to help my 21 year old daughter too, but man it is hard.  I feel like I went from a perfect life to a life that will always suck...

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Jim, I am also new to this group and to this experience. I lost my husband of 20 years a little over a month ago. I too worry about how to be there four our 19 yr old daughter. As far as how to find something positive each day, that is challenging. I force myself to name at least one positive thing at the end of each day. And it doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be as simple as I got out of bed or I made it through the day at work. Sometimes it's that I received a text or call from a friend. For me forcing myself to acknowledge one positive thing when basically everything sucks sort of helps.

thank you!  Keep doing that...I do my positive notes in the am, which is when I feel the best right now

I have never after 3 years found any answers yet. I am so lonely and lost I barely get through each day. I TRY nd keep things together for my son. My life just feels over. I find enjoyment in

Nothing. I understand how you feel Jim. Life

Does suck!!! Much luck to you!!

Life without her does suck.  I really try to see the good things in the world and hang on to those-like my daughter and I cooking together, going out and getting a coffee with her, etc.  I am sorry for your loss Beth-just try to take it one small step at a time.  No words can comfort us, but maybe today something really good will happen-we can only hope.  JH

I am so sorry for your loss, Joe.  I think your idea about my daughter joining is really good and I appreciate that.  Like you, I choose to believe we will be reunited one day and I find some solace in that.  I don't know what that's like but I do know she'll never be here again with me.  Every day is a struggle and I pray that each day has something good in it, something that she would want me to enjoy.  You take care and spoil those kids and grand kids!

I am very sorry for your loss Jim

I gain strength from the hope we have for the future. I believe that we WILL be reunited with our loved ones.

The Bible gives us this promise:

 John 5:25 — “Most truly I say to you, the hour is coming, and it is now, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who have paid attention will live.

We even have recorded events in the Bible when loved ones were reunited by a resurrection. One of them is here:

Mark 5:41,42 — Then, taking the hand of the child, he said to her: “Talʹi·tha cuʹmi,” which, when translated, means: “Little girl, I say to you, get up!” 42 And immediately the girl rose and began walking. (She was 12 years old.) And at once they were beside themselves with great ecstasy.

This is Account is about a 12 year old girl who had died. When Jesus ressurected her the family was “beside themselves with great ecstasy.”

We will feel that way to...when we are reunited with our loved ones. 

I know now it doesn’t take your pain and loneliness away, but if it gives you HOPE,  then you may be able to cope a little better. 

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M Adams posted a blog post

The food of love

Think I’ve mentioned someplace on this site that sharing meals and cooking was always very important to my husband...it was also a big part of my mother’s life and one of the ways she showed affection and concern for those in her life, they were similar in many ways, including that one.  My husband used to tell people that he’d always “had trouble distinguishing food, love, and sex” — he’d say it in a joking way, but he really believed that in some way, at the deepest level, they were all one…See More
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Racquel Chapple is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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M Adams commented on Mel Royer's blog post Dark Night and Day of the Soul
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morgan commented on Mel Royer's blog post Dark Night and Day of the Soul
"Thanks for checking in Mel.  I had to look up aphasia.  I would hazard a guess that your neural system has taken a beating from your grief and your brain just wants to shut down.  I know I have times where I stutter during a breakdown…"
Sunday
morgan left a comment for Susan Bishop
"Susan B,  I am so sorry.  To try and live without that person who was by your side for 52 years is a living nightmare.  I had 35 married years but 55 of knowing him (since second grade).  That much history buries the person left…"
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dream moon JO B posted photos
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dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"not bean a grt wk on pepple passin i no plu  plus near dads anvers 10 or 9 daysi am i no its bean 8 yrs "
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, Thanks for your kind post. I feel the same as you about getting another pet. No other dog could ever take her place and no man could ever take the place of My Dear Husband, Julian. As with you, I don't want to face anymore deaths…"
Saturday
Mel Royer posted a blog post

Dark Night and Day of the Soul

Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have come to the concludion will be my year, 2020 will be the year I…See More
Saturday
Susan Bishop is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same as both of you. morgan, I'm sorry you had a particularly bad day -- I certainly know what that's like. I hope today is easier for you. Linda, I know what you mean about your dog. When our cat died, aside from the sadness I…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I just wish I could have died with Julian. Like you, everyday I just go through motions. I am blessed with my Sweet Dog, Babie J. I am living for her. She now has dementia and it is so sad to watch her declining. She has been by side…"
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amen Linda.......Today for whatever reason was a particularly rough day.  I am exhausted from crying.   I just don't know how long I can keep pushing forward.  I am definitely in the hate mode......."
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Maybe open yourself up, try to ride that love and passion I see in you. You loved your husband so deeply, focus on that. Maybe we are still here because we need to evolve a bit more or do something that God wants us to do. looking back I feel you…"
Feb 20
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Exactly If We are wrong we won’t know it, but we do know that we are energy (souls), basic physics says energy cannot be destroyed. Anything is better than existing here in this void!"
Feb 20
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"If you focus on the light and the good, that’s is God! I have felt it, I don’t know anything about plans or why people get taken before others but I do know that wherever that next realm  is I’m ready to go I am not…"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That's great that you have no doubt about the existence of an afterlife. I doubt there's a god, but if there is one I'm not convinced it's a loving God, as it allowed my husband to die young(-ish) and one week after our wedding.…"
Feb 20
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Over the years I have thought that Bluebird gets it much more than almost everyone who has written about this - at least from my point of view. At the root of this, I think, it's the absence of their presence that hurts so much.  I…"
Feb 20

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