It's Still Hard After 7 Months...

My husband died 7 months ago yesterday.  My whole world ended and even though he suffered with brain tumors for almost ten years, I always thought he would beat it up to 3 weeks before he died last December.  The emptiness is unbearable.  There were times and still are that all I can do is cry and literally scream with pain.  I can't just "move" on because he was my life.  He always wanted to hold my hand even when we were just watching tv or walking through the parking lot to the store.  I don't think anyone could ever love me as much as he did.  We were married for 20 years and he stuck with me all that time (I've had mental issues with depression and OCD) and he was always patient with me, always there for me.  I prayed to God to send someone in my life while I was in college, and He sent me Roger only to take him away.  I'll never understand.

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Comment by Amanda Ab on July 6, 2012 at 2:28pm

Hello to All,

Sorry for the looses of your spouses. I have been on this grief road for past 1 year, 2 months, since my husband was taken away from me. In a sense and although we dont realize this, but time passes by and life somehow keeps going. I still cry and feel so helpless many times. Raising my 2 year old son on my own and facing obstacles as a One parent, where definetely not on my plans ever!. My husband too was very loving and affectionate towards me and our son. He always showed his affection towards me, and always said I love You, too many times through out the day.

I now feel so lonely without him. And still til this day, find out so damn hard to live a "new" life without him!. He was my soulmate, my love, my spouse, father to my son, My All. Its very difficult to live like this without that special someone next to you. You have to somehow learn to be on your own and cry yourself to sleep when you just wished he was here to hold your hand and kiss you goodnight!

 

I agree with Debra. We will see our husbands someday. This keeps me going at times, the hope of seeing his face once again!. I believe God will give us an answer for all of this. I pray for that as well. I have just finished therapy sessions for over 1 year. And can it did help me to somehow control my anxiety. What has also worked for me is having a great family support! Keeping company at the most time possible!

Many Blessings and strenght to all Widows!!

Comment by Debra Waszut on July 6, 2012 at 6:15am

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 7 weeks ago and I can so relate to what you are going through, My husband was also alot like your husband. It was the little things he was so good at.  He died sudddenly of a massive heart attack after we had just made love and he had just said he loved me and i told him i loved him.  God took him after that.  We can never understand why these things happen but what I am doing is thanking god for the 33 years that I had him in my life. 

You had your husband for 20 years.  I don't know what my life would have been like without my husband as I also had "issues" that he was so patient with me on.  We were both lucky to have men like this and you have to believe that God send you to have a special angel to see you through this time in your life.  You will see him again someday when it is your time.  I believe this. We will understand in time.  Until then I will live my life to honor him. I am going to a griefshare group in my area and that is helping me.  Maybe you can find one in your area.  You have to go more than once to get the benefit but eventually it really helps.  Also a good church helped me too. I found a small loving congregation that I enjoy going to each sunday.  I think he would want you to go on for him.  Please try...it would make him so happy in heaven.

Comment by Desiree M on July 5, 2012 at 8:15pm

I can totally relate to you KN. I just lost my husband and it has only been two weeks and what you are saying is so true. We my kids (9 and 12) were walking in the Wegmans the other day and I felt the emptiness of my husband not being there but so did my son, he fell apart right in the store. I guess because we did everything together, shop, cook and just plan hang out together. Ronald was my best friend and we loved just being together, and I also understand how you feel, with wanting him here even though he was sick. Yesterday I was a total mess couldn't even get dressed and leave the house. We were to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and had planned to renew our vows in Cocoa Beach FL, but God had other plans. I talked to my pastor this weekend and he told me that God gets weeds everyday and we have to remember that God loves flowers too. 

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