Online Grief Support - A Social Community

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ANGER

I wanted to write today about anger. After my son passed away, many of his friends wrote beautiful memories and feelings about him via Facebook. I didn't realize how much he meant to so many people and how many lives were touched by his kindness. However, what angers me is that not ONE of these "FRIENDS" ever came to visit him in the nursing home. He was in a nursing facility for 10 years and yet only his dad, myself and his stepdad came on a regular basis. I understand that it's hard to see one of your young friend deteriorating in front of you but Matthew was 100% in his head and longed for friendship. He would have given anything for someone to come see him that he had considered his friend.

I am so angry that all of these wonderful thoughts and feelings were expressed about him AFTER he was gone. He would have loved and cherished knowing how everyone felt about him. I am angry that he got Wilson's disease to begin with, but angrier about his friends not visiting him.

I didn't expect people to come every day etc. I know everyone has lives, kids, jobs etc. But now he's gone and there's no longer a chance to come see him and let him know what a great person these friends thought he was.

He never expressed anger to me about no one coming but I know in his heart, he was sad about it. He just wanted to be a normal 21 year old.

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Comment by Julie McKinney on February 9, 2022 at 4:31pm: I guess this was a learning experience for me. That's about all I can take away from the lack of friends coming to see my son. It taught me to take the time and let people know that I care and I'm thinking of them. It's too late once they are gone. I never discussed with him about friends not coming to see him. It was a subject we avoided because there wasn't anything i could do about it anyway. I'm hoping in his heart he knew he was loved by many.

Comment by Tracy on February 7, 2022 at 8:39am: I completely feel the same way you do. My sister was dying and I felt alone. She was young and had a very active social life up until she was diagnosed. I know we had covid but hardly any check ins or even social posts asking after her. Yet when she died the response was overwhelming. I was angry. I was sad. She needed the support when she could hear it. Instead I received all these messages from people I didn’t even know. And I wanted to say , a simple hello or how are that she could have known would have made such a difference. People say that one doesn’t know what to say. Well they sure did when she could hear it. I found myself lying to her toward the end and saying everyone was asking about her. I tried to make her know she was so loved. She was. I am devastated by her loss. She was 54. I was her care taker. I feel like this is a nightmare. And I also want her here. To people who say she’s better off. Those. Moments are the worst. She’s better with her family. She’s better here. I would give anything to have her back. I understand how it feels to be alone in it. I’m still alone. I feel everyone has moved on. And I’m still laying in bed with her telling her she’s just sleepy and that it going to be ok. I lied to the end.