Homicide Survivors Group

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Homicide Survivors Group

I'm starting this group in hopes that people who come to oninegriefsupport in the U.S.  can share in their experiences and grief for homicide related deaths. There are tons of support grief services for cancer, alzheimers, loss of children, suicide, ..I could go on. But there are not many support groups for homicide related issues. With the growing gun-related deaths, I thought it would be prudent to create this small sub-group here.

I know that grief is very unique and it shouldn't be compared but losing a loved one in a violent, sudden way, at the hands of a nefarious other, is something that I perceive to be very different.

Sometimes, I wish my mother could've passed away a different way because at least it would not have been at the hands of someone else who dealt out a violent end. A goodbye would've been possible. 

Again, I do not wish to diminish any other type of grief. I have just found it difficult to connect with anyone who is experiencing this specific type of loss. This group is open to anyone who wishes to discuss loss of a loved one through a violent death.  

Finally, I want to say that if you feel that you would like to join this group even though your loss does not fit this criteria, you are more than welcome. I have spoken with a suicide survivor and in many ways, the violent methods that some individuals take their own lives, I see that there are a lot of similarities there with homicide survivors.

Thank you for understanding and reading.

Location: California
Members: 13
Latest Activity: Sep 30, 2019

Discussion Forum

Dark Deep Dirty Stinky Hole

Hello, Umm my friend was murdered only 7 weeks ago. Seems like forever ago but at the same time just like yesterday. We know who done it, the cops know who done it but they are putting these case…Continue

Started by Lakama Raraew Apr 15, 2017.

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Comment by Hannah S on January 22, 2018 at 5:15pm

I recently lost my ex to murder and he was still a good friend. A really helpful thing was to write out how we met and 'our story'. I can't bring myself to write him a letter yet, but that will be next in my healing process. 

Comment by Steinberg on January 10, 2018 at 1:59pm

What kind of counseling do you offer? I tired quite a few therapist - all of whom were disasters with one suggesting that I was a vicitm of "voodoo" - I almost lost my mind. But now, I think I have finally found someone and it is the first time I can speak with anyone about it although till now have said very little. 

Comment by Steinberg on January 2, 2018 at 3:33pm

About 2 years before this happened I read a book by Pim van Lommel on Near Death Experiences. I highly recommend it and find it still helpful till this day. I think the suggestion of things that can help us as proposed by Sara is good.  

Comment by Sara Jane on January 2, 2018 at 6:19am

Really hard time and i have been living  with the death of my mother for two years.  we believe she was murdered and have had to find ways of living with this also knowing the people who murdered her.  I can only share my approach to healing with this.  What i found hard was not being able to talk about it to anyone as feeling nobody believes you and the police not doing enough or support.  Infact they lead us to believe they were supporting us so was even worse during the inquest.   so more importantly how do we live with this and these times. Again its hard to say this as i don't want to offend anyone but spiritually you need to get in touch with the person you lost.  I was told by focussing on the murderers which i have to say i did and wanted justice i was giving all my energy to them and their darkness.  I so want justice but by giving them my attention sort of kept them in a bubble.  DONT WORRY they will have to live with what they have done.  BUT by contacting your lost one you can make the connection again and build on that ( more importantly ) you are not connecting with the people who have done this to them and you.  VERY IMPORTANT is to let change where you direct your energy. i want to add i am the sort of person that has to feel it see it chew it to believe it  so this was a massive jump in to faith for me to do this.  BUT when i decided to try and contact my mother i had an enormous whoosh of energy the heaviness that i had been carrying about the murderers just popped.  I realised by me focussing on them i was actually feeding them .

ok im going to stop talking now.  I just hope this is ok to write this and i am not offending anyone.  ITs so hard and heavy and dark i KNOW !!! this has been my personal survival to get through this.  all the best for now 

Comment by Steinberg on January 2, 2018 at 3:05am

I feel the same way. I joined months ago but cannot speak. I also go through life not being able to talk about the violent death of my husband. I was never able to say good bye and never got to even see his body. It is not possible to talk with others about because the reponses are destined to be inappropriate and I am left feeling even worse. 

Comment by Bern on January 1, 2018 at 9:53pm

I joined but don't have the strength to talk. I am a member of Loss Son and Daughters group.

Comment by Kate on August 1, 2016 at 3:42am

I haven't been back here for some time and just noticed that there are new members. Welcome and thank you for joining. 

When I lost my mother many years ago, it was devastating. A lone gunman, who was mentally unstable decided to shoot my mother for reasons that only he knows. She and I were best friends. I loved her so much and her violent death left me in pieces. I go through life not wanting to share what happened because the different reactions I get are so distasteful to me for various reasons. 

If I could give my life for hers and switch places, if only to say goodbye for a few seconds, I'd do it in a heartbeat. 

This group is open to all that wish to share their stories and to support each other. This pain is only known to those who have lost their loved ones in this manner. Hopefully, we can find some moments of encouragement here with kinds words of support. 

- Kate

 

Members (13)

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amen Linda.......Today for whatever reason was a particularly rough day.  I am exhausted from crying.   I just don't know how long I can keep pushing forward.  I am definitely in the hate mode......."
1 hour ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
9 hours ago
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Maybe open yourself up, try to ride that love and passion I see in you. You loved your husband so deeply, focus on that. Maybe we are still here because we need to evolve a bit more or do something that God wants us to do. looking back I feel you…"
yesterday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Exactly If We are wrong we won’t know it, but we do know that we are energy (souls), basic physics says energy cannot be destroyed. Anything is better than existing here in this void!"
yesterday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"If you focus on the light and the good, that’s is God! I have felt it, I don’t know anything about plans or why people get taken before others but I do know that wherever that next realm  is I’m ready to go I am not…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That's great that you have no doubt about the existence of an afterlife. I doubt there's a god, but if there is one I'm not convinced it's a loving God, as it allowed my husband to die young(-ish) and one week after our wedding.…"
yesterday
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Over the years I have thought that Bluebird gets it much more than almost everyone who has written about this - at least from my point of view. At the root of this, I think, it's the absence of their presence that hurts so much.  I…"
yesterday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"bluebird I can’t help but hold out hope in reading all these entries from people that some of them made it to the next realm. That is the reason we don’t hear from some anymore, because they passed on with with their loved ones.  I…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you, Joe. It does help a little bit."
yesterday
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Jeff,  Amazing isn't it?  I keep asking myself how it is I could still hurt so much from having my husband no longer with me on this earthly plane.  Not because I don't know it isn't possible but more, what is it that…"
yesterday
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, I believe that every consciousness/spirit/soul is immortal.  I, or no one in our limited dimensional world can prove that right or wrong.  I can't prove my OBE either.  All I can do is share it.  Your original post…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you. I hope with everything in my soul that you are right about that, and I wish I shared your faith in that regard. If you and I have already discussed this, I apologise for repeating myself (my memory is not what it once was, and my…"
Thursday
bluebird left a comment for Martee
"I saw both of your posts on my profile. If nothing else, maybe rock-climbing and the like will help to distract you for a little while. And you're right, it is absolutely not fair that our beloved partners have died. I know that my husband and…"
Thursday
M Adams replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hope these rituals bring comfort to you, Martee.  I have kept the ashes of my husband as well, just don’t want to part with them.  It has been more than three years since his death — but I don’t feel like there is a…"
Thursday
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Reading your posts, and many who post here, I think you're going to be joyously surprised when you pass over. "The worst thing about all of this is not knowing if my sweet, wonderful husband's soul still exists, as it…"
Thursday
Martee left a comment for Marjorie Willcox
"So sorry for your loss and pain, my soulmate died 1/29/20, been so bad for me to. I don’t let people know too much, no way I want to be taken out of my house. I feel like some people just want to watch me crash and are more nosey than…"
Thursday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you for your posts. Even though you don't have absolute proof of an afterlife, your out-of-body experience seems to have provided you with some level of surety, which I think is wonderful, and I must admit I'm jealous of you for…"
Wednesday
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, It doesn't make it easier so to speak.  What will help is when I allow my doctor to do some imaging, in the weeks or perhaps a couple of months ahead, I'll let him scan me, and since now I know something is spreading…"
Wednesday
Josephine Crawford commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thanks Ammy. I sometimes feel guilty when I am happy. Yes it takes time. Continued to all."
Wednesday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I kept my husband’s ashes, I keep them next to me all day, move them to his nightstand at night. Been 3 weeks..."
Wednesday

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