Homicide Survivors Group

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Homicide Survivors Group

I'm starting this group in hopes that people who come to oninegriefsupport in the U.S.  can share in their experiences and grief for homicide related deaths. There are tons of support grief services for cancer, alzheimers, loss of children, suicide, ..I could go on. But there are not many support groups for homicide related issues. With the growing gun-related deaths, I thought it would be prudent to create this small sub-group here.

I know that grief is very unique and it shouldn't be compared but losing a loved one in a violent, sudden way, at the hands of a nefarious other, is something that I perceive to be very different.

Sometimes, I wish my mother could've passed away a different way because at least it would not have been at the hands of someone else who dealt out a violent end. A goodbye would've been possible. 

Again, I do not wish to diminish any other type of grief. I have just found it difficult to connect with anyone who is experiencing this specific type of loss. This group is open to anyone who wishes to discuss loss of a loved one through a violent death.  

Finally, I want to say that if you feel that you would like to join this group even though your loss does not fit this criteria, you are more than welcome. I have spoken with a suicide survivor and in many ways, the violent methods that some individuals take their own lives, I see that there are a lot of similarities there with homicide survivors.

Thank you for understanding and reading.

Location: California
Members: 12
Latest Activity: Aug 22

Discussion Forum

Dark Deep Dirty Stinky Hole

Hello, Umm my friend was murdered only 7 weeks ago. Seems like forever ago but at the same time just like yesterday. We know who done it, the cops know who done it but they are putting these case…Continue

Started by Lakama Raraew Apr 15, 2017.

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Comment by Hannah S on January 22, 2018 at 5:15pm

I recently lost my ex to murder and he was still a good friend. A really helpful thing was to write out how we met and 'our story'. I can't bring myself to write him a letter yet, but that will be next in my healing process. 

Comment by Steinberg on January 10, 2018 at 1:59pm

What kind of counseling do you offer? I tired quite a few therapist - all of whom were disasters with one suggesting that I was a vicitm of "voodoo" - I almost lost my mind. But now, I think I have finally found someone and it is the first time I can speak with anyone about it although till now have said very little. 

Comment by Steinberg on January 2, 2018 at 3:33pm

About 2 years before this happened I read a book by Pim van Lommel on Near Death Experiences. I highly recommend it and find it still helpful till this day. I think the suggestion of things that can help us as proposed by Sara is good.  

Comment by Sara Jane on January 2, 2018 at 6:19am

Really hard time and i have been living  with the death of my mother for two years.  we believe she was murdered and have had to find ways of living with this also knowing the people who murdered her.  I can only share my approach to healing with this.  What i found hard was not being able to talk about it to anyone as feeling nobody believes you and the police not doing enough or support.  Infact they lead us to believe they were supporting us so was even worse during the inquest.   so more importantly how do we live with this and these times. Again its hard to say this as i don't want to offend anyone but spiritually you need to get in touch with the person you lost.  I was told by focussing on the murderers which i have to say i did and wanted justice i was giving all my energy to them and their darkness.  I so want justice but by giving them my attention sort of kept them in a bubble.  DONT WORRY they will have to live with what they have done.  BUT by contacting your lost one you can make the connection again and build on that ( more importantly ) you are not connecting with the people who have done this to them and you.  VERY IMPORTANT is to let change where you direct your energy. i want to add i am the sort of person that has to feel it see it chew it to believe it  so this was a massive jump in to faith for me to do this.  BUT when i decided to try and contact my mother i had an enormous whoosh of energy the heaviness that i had been carrying about the murderers just popped.  I realised by me focussing on them i was actually feeding them .

ok im going to stop talking now.  I just hope this is ok to write this and i am not offending anyone.  ITs so hard and heavy and dark i KNOW !!! this has been my personal survival to get through this.  all the best for now 

Comment by Steinberg on January 2, 2018 at 3:05am

I feel the same way. I joined months ago but cannot speak. I also go through life not being able to talk about the violent death of my husband. I was never able to say good bye and never got to even see his body. It is not possible to talk with others about because the reponses are destined to be inappropriate and I am left feeling even worse. 

Comment by Bern on January 1, 2018 at 9:53pm

I joined but don't have the strength to talk. I am a member of Loss Son and Daughters group.

Comment by Kate on August 1, 2016 at 3:42am

I haven't been back here for some time and just noticed that there are new members. Welcome and thank you for joining. 

When I lost my mother many years ago, it was devastating. A lone gunman, who was mentally unstable decided to shoot my mother for reasons that only he knows. She and I were best friends. I loved her so much and her violent death left me in pieces. I go through life not wanting to share what happened because the different reactions I get are so distasteful to me for various reasons. 

If I could give my life for hers and switch places, if only to say goodbye for a few seconds, I'd do it in a heartbeat. 

This group is open to all that wish to share their stories and to support each other. This pain is only known to those who have lost their loved ones in this manner. Hopefully, we can find some moments of encouragement here with kinds words of support. 

- Kate

 

Members (12)

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry should say sit with my mom. I'm a bit nervous about the mass this morning, I just want this day over. I figured I would go to the mass, stop at the small place where she used to go everyday for her friends and she was friends with with…"
7 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three days Brett, it will come and it will go, I just want time to go fast for once. Eight more days for you also, I'm sure you feel the same, like going over and over that day in your head, shamefully I can't remember because I was in so…"
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Selv,  Your words really touched me as I also cremated my mother and scattered them in holy river of Ganga. I live in India so here the ashes are mostly scattered in holy river.  Like you I also wish to complete my journey on this earth…"
12 hours ago
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, Theresa, it is always very hard. I think every season is difficult. After Christmas, here it will be summer. Although summer is a beautiful season, I will feel sad because my mom died in January. Plus, the weather gets extremely hot, and…"
16 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I know it will be hard, Theresa."
17 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Well as I sit here in bed at like 930 tomorrow is the yearly mass I hate to say yearly but it’s the third year for my mother and I have a mass said every year for her. I know I’ll be sitting in church and when they say this mass is being…"
17 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"What's hard is that, even if we don't celebrate it, the rest of the world will. I can't get away from the Christmas music and decorations. That's okay. The world shouldn't stop celebrating Christmas just because it makes me…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim.  Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim.  Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, praying is all we have now. I hope it can helps us cope better. I've always loved Christmas but this year I don't feel like celebrating it. I haven't decorated my house, and I haven't got a Christmas tree. I just…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, it's true that I was blessed to take care of my mom, but that only makes saying goodbye harder. Losing our moms is never easy for anyone, but for some of us who find our way here, our moms may have been the center of our lives. That's…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks, SelV. I wish there was something I could say something to make you feel better. I wish there was something you could say to make me feel better."
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel compelled to share my feelings, beliefs and philosophical thoughts with all of you not only because we share the same bond of sufferings, wants, and hopes, but most of all we share the experience of true love for the one we lost here on…"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Our world is governed by science and most scientists say if you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Yet most agree that there are many other dimensions we can't see or detect. Huh? I had great respect for Steven Hawkins at one time. He…"
yesterday
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"You are right people dont get it.The sadness never goes away.I am gratiful the support is here."
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Denise, I learned a lot of things on this forum. The important one is everyone found their true SOULMATE and lost them. The world just doesn't understand why we don't want to carry on without them. THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.   "
yesterday
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"The story about the whales is amazing.There are so many things about death I dont understand.I do know each day with out my husband is too hard to bear.I am very busy and active but l have a deep yearing to be with him.This will be the 3rd holiday…"
yesterday
Emily is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, Thank you for your post. I like Morgan gave me a lift. I have often thought about suicide but have no intention of doing away with myself because of my religion. I will not take the chance of never seeing Julian again I too do not go to the…"
Friday
Aimee Hall Fuszard joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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