Homicide Survivors Group

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Homicide Survivors Group

I'm starting this group in hopes that people who come to oninegriefsupport in the U.S.  can share in their experiences and grief for homicide related deaths. There are tons of support grief services for cancer, alzheimers, loss of children, suicide, ..I could go on. But there are not many support groups for homicide related issues. With the growing gun-related deaths, I thought it would be prudent to create this small sub-group here.

I know that grief is very unique and it shouldn't be compared but losing a loved one in a violent, sudden way, at the hands of a nefarious other, is something that I perceive to be very different.

Sometimes, I wish my mother could've passed away a different way because at least it would not have been at the hands of someone else who dealt out a violent end. A goodbye would've been possible. 

Again, I do not wish to diminish any other type of grief. I have just found it difficult to connect with anyone who is experiencing this specific type of loss. This group is open to anyone who wishes to discuss loss of a loved one through a violent death.  

Finally, I want to say that if you feel that you would like to join this group even though your loss does not fit this criteria, you are more than welcome. I have spoken with a suicide survivor and in many ways, the violent methods that some individuals take their own lives, I see that there are a lot of similarities there with homicide survivors.

Thank you for understanding and reading.

Location: California
Members: 12
Latest Activity: Aug 22

Discussion Forum

Dark Deep Dirty Stinky Hole

Hello, Umm my friend was murdered only 7 weeks ago. Seems like forever ago but at the same time just like yesterday. We know who done it, the cops know who done it but they are putting these case…Continue

Started by Lakama Raraew Apr 15, 2017.

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Comment by Hannah S on January 22, 2018 at 5:15pm

I recently lost my ex to murder and he was still a good friend. A really helpful thing was to write out how we met and 'our story'. I can't bring myself to write him a letter yet, but that will be next in my healing process. 

Comment by Steinberg on January 10, 2018 at 1:59pm

What kind of counseling do you offer? I tired quite a few therapist - all of whom were disasters with one suggesting that I was a vicitm of "voodoo" - I almost lost my mind. But now, I think I have finally found someone and it is the first time I can speak with anyone about it although till now have said very little. 

Comment by Steinberg on January 2, 2018 at 3:33pm

About 2 years before this happened I read a book by Pim van Lommel on Near Death Experiences. I highly recommend it and find it still helpful till this day. I think the suggestion of things that can help us as proposed by Sara is good.  

Comment by Sara Jane on January 2, 2018 at 6:19am

Really hard time and i have been living  with the death of my mother for two years.  we believe she was murdered and have had to find ways of living with this also knowing the people who murdered her.  I can only share my approach to healing with this.  What i found hard was not being able to talk about it to anyone as feeling nobody believes you and the police not doing enough or support.  Infact they lead us to believe they were supporting us so was even worse during the inquest.   so more importantly how do we live with this and these times. Again its hard to say this as i don't want to offend anyone but spiritually you need to get in touch with the person you lost.  I was told by focussing on the murderers which i have to say i did and wanted justice i was giving all my energy to them and their darkness.  I so want justice but by giving them my attention sort of kept them in a bubble.  DONT WORRY they will have to live with what they have done.  BUT by contacting your lost one you can make the connection again and build on that ( more importantly ) you are not connecting with the people who have done this to them and you.  VERY IMPORTANT is to let change where you direct your energy. i want to add i am the sort of person that has to feel it see it chew it to believe it  so this was a massive jump in to faith for me to do this.  BUT when i decided to try and contact my mother i had an enormous whoosh of energy the heaviness that i had been carrying about the murderers just popped.  I realised by me focussing on them i was actually feeding them .

ok im going to stop talking now.  I just hope this is ok to write this and i am not offending anyone.  ITs so hard and heavy and dark i KNOW !!! this has been my personal survival to get through this.  all the best for now 

Comment by Steinberg on January 2, 2018 at 3:05am

I feel the same way. I joined months ago but cannot speak. I also go through life not being able to talk about the violent death of my husband. I was never able to say good bye and never got to even see his body. It is not possible to talk with others about because the reponses are destined to be inappropriate and I am left feeling even worse. 

Comment by Bern on January 1, 2018 at 9:53pm

I joined but don't have the strength to talk. I am a member of Loss Son and Daughters group.

Comment by Kate on August 1, 2016 at 3:42am

I haven't been back here for some time and just noticed that there are new members. Welcome and thank you for joining. 

When I lost my mother many years ago, it was devastating. A lone gunman, who was mentally unstable decided to shoot my mother for reasons that only he knows. She and I were best friends. I loved her so much and her violent death left me in pieces. I go through life not wanting to share what happened because the different reactions I get are so distasteful to me for various reasons. 

If I could give my life for hers and switch places, if only to say goodbye for a few seconds, I'd do it in a heartbeat. 

This group is open to all that wish to share their stories and to support each other. This pain is only known to those who have lost their loved ones in this manner. Hopefully, we can find some moments of encouragement here with kinds words of support. 

- Kate

 

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Profile IconCynthia Garcia Buckles and Lori joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Emily joined Megan's group
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Grieving Teens

This group is for anyone who lost their parents at a young age. I lost my dad to cancer a week before the start of my senior year. It's been difficult. Quite frankly it sucks. Lets join together and get through this crappy time.
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I love my Dad.

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Profile IconElizabeth Monroe, Marion Mcglashon, Bandar killa and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Robin H left a comment for Robin H
"Hey There People, most of the comments look kinda old here... Are they?"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia, losing your mom is hard enough. When you also lived with her that takes it to a whole different level because you didn't experience the natural separation that other adults do. That's sure what happened to me. I lived with my mom and…"
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Profile IconCorinne C. Rico, Rita A M, Marisa L Galeoti and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Monday
Lia Lynch commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you everyone. My mom had refused to see doctors for seven years; she feel ill, finally went, was diagnosed with Stage IV metastasized cancer in her throat, lung, and liver, went directly to hospice, and died less than 4 weeks from the initial…"
Monday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Lia,  So sorry for your loss.  Similar to others, I can understand your pain. I wish comfort to you but I know it is not easy. Please take your time.  All people, I was travelling so could not post for long. This is to tell that I…"
Monday
Geri commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Everyone, This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the…"
Monday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you Layla Richards. I was very religious before my husband died, Then after his death I started searching why we have to go thru such pains and was looking into everything. Then after reading the Bible, the Torah, the Koran and more religious…"
Monday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Pamela, So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing."
Sunday
Suzy Tatz commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self…"
Sunday
Suzy Tatz joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
Sunday
Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That is some great advice Ofir Rifo. Also, bluebird, something that helped me a lot was reading through the thousands of stories contributed by individuals who had a near-death experience or received an after death communication from a passed loved…"
Sunday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"ANA BECOAH BY ovadia chamama. Miracle prayer even for those who do not believe in anything. It will act as a password and will open the universe who will answer your petition. Please bluebird just try the same way a tried and it worked. Remember you…"
Sunday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia I am so sorry for your loss. Bluebell"
Sunday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird please go to you tube in listen to a song called Ana Becoh by Ovadiada Chamama. This song will act as a password to the universe. You do not need to believe in any religion but It worked for me and I am an agnostic. I lost my husband 21…"
Sunday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hello Bluebird. I always remember you and wonder how you are doing since the last time I wrote to you for the first time when I found this blog. It has been a while and I was hoping by this time you were doing better. Please understand that you will…"
Sunday

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