I am 37. Mother of two boys and a girl. I work in accounting for a union shop.
About my Loss:
My boyfriend bought a motorcycle a couple weeks ago. Thursday, 9/24/15, he was driving to a place we were going to eat while I followed behind him in the truck. A woman in a pickup truck turned when she wasn't supposed to and hit him right in front of me. I stood by him talking to him and measuring his breaths until the ambulance came. I think he could hear me. He passed almost 30 minutes after getting to the hospital. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know how I am going to go on living without him. I have to though because I have three children that need me. So I'm just going to live a very sad life from now on and that doesn't seem like anything to look forward to. Don't know how I'm ever going to feel good again. I sometimes wish I didn't have children that would be left behind and hurt because I really don't want to live without him. It is only for my kids that I am still here.
I just remembered something this morning. Before we left he was looking all over for his clear glasses for riding at night and couldn't find them. So he was riding with the darker glasses. I wonder if he would have been able to react better if he had the clear ones. Why oh why didn't I make him get in the truck with me instead of taking the truck and the bike?
Oh Heather, I am so so sorry. I cant imagine what you must feel like right now. To have something like that happen right in front of you, well, I simply can't imagine it. All I can say is I am so sorry for you.
I've been traveling this path of grief for 32 months now and everyday I question why. Why my husband? Why him, why the way he died, where is he now, are we going to be together again, I need to know things there are no answers to. So I keep asking why? I keep asking it over and over. It's probably one of the things that will never change.
Some things do change. But slowly. Ever so slowly. All I can tell you is to take small steps and concentrate on the children and what they need and it will help to distract you from the grief. I didn't have children but I had to try and do things to distract myself. It is a daily struggle and you will wonder why many many times but focus on the little ones.
Come here when you need to unload because every one of us gets it. We know how you are feeling and we are here to listen. Each of us does the same thing and as horrible as it may sound we all help each other by being able to tell out loud how hurt we are.
Take the best care you can and don't expect too much out of yourself right now. Just get through the basics. And kiss, kiss the little ones. Hug them tight. It hopefully will help.
Oh Heather, I am so very sorry. That is terrible and how awful you saw it but he knew you were there with him. You are still in shock now, the days will be so very hard but after some time they get a teeny bit easier. But your kids do need you, you will find support on here and so sorry that you have to find yourself here. Hugs
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