Angela Beaver
  • Female
  • Riverview,Fl
  • United States
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Welcome, Angela Beaver

Profile Information

About Me:
Hello my name is Angela. Im 26 Years old. I live in Florida with my boyfriend, but i call Washington state and Arizona my homes. I really dont know what to say at this time. Maybe as i get stronger more words will come
About my Loss:
My mom Joy Passed away on April 15,2009 of Lucemia. They tell me it was a rare form. Her death cirt. said she had it for 2 years. We did not know. She finnally told me she was sick on Christmas day 2008, and we found out it was cancer on New Years Eve 2008-2009. It went so fast. I was in Florida when all this was going on and could not get back home in time to be with her. She passed just a few days before i got there. I blame myself for not being there when i should of. She kept telling me to not come yet, i should not have listened. I will regret my choice for the rest of my life. My mom was and will always be my BEST FRIEND. We were very close. We spent all our time together. We lived together, traveled together. I miss her so much and i dont think i will ever heal from the pain i feel. Every day i think the pain will kill me. I think the numbness is just now finnally starting to wear off. This pain is just to real. I dont know how much longer i can survive this pain.

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Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 12:27am on January 25, 2013, Emily said…

Hi! I'm so sorry about your mom, feel free to message me anytime.

At 4:14pm on September 22, 2011, Kandi Broussard said…
Angela,I know how you are feeling.  After I got out of the "shock" phase, I was in a much more painful phase.  At times, I still feel as if the pain is going to kill me.  It's like I am screaming for help and nobody is hearing me.  It has been a year and a month since my mom was murdered and I havn't killed myself or run away yet.  The extraordinary hurt and regret sometimes make me want to die.  I really do understand what you are feeling and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.  I am not gonna lie to you and say that the hurt goes away.  It certainly hasn't for me.  I miss my mom more than ever and it feels like I just received that awful phone call yesterday.  I pray that you get through this as easily as possible.
At 3:06pm on August 05, 2010, anita latham abbott gave Angela Beaver a gift
Gift
everyone needs something to hold on to when there is no one ther at the time.
At 10:11pm on July 27, 2010, Lisa Westgate said…
Happy Birthday
At 6:02pm on July 27, 2010, anita latham abbott gave Angela Beaver a gift
Gift
bLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOURS.
At 11:00pm on September 15, 2009, Katie Grace said…
I am so sorry to hear about your mom and like you I have my regrets as well. The only thing that keeps me from dwelling on them is that I know that its not what my mother would have wanted. My mom was diagnosed six months before she passed away and the last couple or few months she was bed ridden and in a lot of pain. So much of it is a blur to me and I know the feeling of things happening so fast before you can really get a grip on what is happening. I wish you the very best in dealing with your mother's loss and hope you get the support you need to get through this rough time!
At 8:54am on September 11, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Angela-

Hope you are doing well. Thanks for the friend request.

I am still in the process of just trying to get through each day. I lost my mother and father in the last 12 months to Cancer and Pick's Disease. My father was 60 and my mother, 62.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. Please join the I Miss My Parent(s) if you would like.

Hope to talk to you soon-
Carrie

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother.
At 6:42pm on September 6, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
I would love to chat with you...my experience with this grief is that time does not heal but it does allow us to develop coping mechanisms that lets us move through our daily lives. I get so tired of the daily struggle with grief. My heart has been so empty of joy...
The photos are beautiful, thanks for posting them!
Laura
At 1:14pm on September 6, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
Hello Angela,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I am on the flip side of the coin...my daughter was killed on Memorial Day of this year. She was 33 years old and my only child. I raised her as a single mom and we were so close even though she lived in Alaska and I in Texas. We talked everyday, several times throughout the day. She was married but had no children. So many times I think of just being with her~my life feels like it has no direction. I miss her so much. There are no words to describe the grief I feel, the grief I read in your posts. It will get better; there is just no time table for the grieving process. The most important thing I can tell you is to take care of yourself...eat right, get some exercise.
I wish there was something else I could say or do to help you heal. This website was a godsend for me as we all share the common bond of grief. Share as much as you want or as little. Do you have a picture of your mom you would like to share with us?
One more note...my daughter's name is Angela.
Take care, sincerely,
Laura
 
 
 

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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
9 hours ago
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Sorry to see your stories here...  There is nothing worse.   I will be at 4 years in June.  After a while at least for me, the acute pain just became dull pain.  I have heard that grief is love turned inside out.  No…"
13 hours ago
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm.  I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
14 hours ago
bluebird and Martee are now friends
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me. That…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch. That's what I…"
yesterday
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello mommas  Nice to have your words and well wishes here. We all know this journey all too well. There are days u dread as well, and on those days we all have, we just need to be very gentle with ourselves. That's something I'm…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did.  It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly and you actually helped me also God bless you and your little dog and everyone of us here it’s always nice to know that we still keep in touch after almost 5 years"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything. If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for…"
yesterday
Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"For me it now has been three years ... three years and four months. I survived first by distracting myself from it, thrust into work and no time to think, it would only come back at evenings and nights to haunt me ... I guess what helped me was…"
Monday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years. Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
Sunday
Martee posted a status
"I don’t want this..."
Sunday
Martee posted a status
"Today I have been walking as a lifeless, joyless, husk for 2 weeks and 4 days. My beautiful, loving husband is gone...."
Sunday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
Sunday
Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
Sunday
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Sunday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to…"
Sunday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
Sunday

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