Hello my name is Angela. Im 26 Years old. I live in Florida with my boyfriend, but i call Washington state and Arizona my homes. I really dont know what to say at this time. Maybe as i get stronger more words will come
About my Loss:
My mom Joy Passed away on April 15,2009 of Lucemia. They tell me it was a rare form. Her death cirt. said she had it for 2 years. We did not know. She finnally told me she was sick on Christmas day 2008, and we found out it was cancer on New Years Eve 2008-2009. It went so fast. I was in Florida when all this was going on and could not get back home in time to be with her. She passed just a few days before i got there. I blame myself for not being there when i should of. She kept telling me to not come yet, i should not have listened. I will regret my choice for the rest of my life. My mom was and will always be my BEST FRIEND. We were very close. We spent all our time together. We lived together, traveled together. I miss her so much and i dont think i will ever heal from the pain i feel. Every day i think the pain will kill me. I think the numbness is just now finnally starting to wear off. This pain is just to real. I dont know how much longer i can survive this pain.
Angela,I know how you are feeling. After I got out of the "shock" phase, I was in a much more painful phase. At times, I still feel as if the pain is going to kill me. It's like I am screaming for help and nobody is hearing me. It has been a year and a month since my mom was murdered and I havn't killed myself or run away yet. The extraordinary hurt and regret sometimes make me want to die. I really do understand what you are feeling and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am not gonna lie to you and say that the hurt goes away. It certainly hasn't for me. I miss my mom more than ever and it feels like I just received that awful phone call yesterday. I pray that you get through this as easily as possible.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom and like you I have my regrets as well. The only thing that keeps me from dwelling on them is that I know that its not what my mother would have wanted. My mom was diagnosed six months before she passed away and the last couple or few months she was bed ridden and in a lot of pain. So much of it is a blur to me and I know the feeling of things happening so fast before you can really get a grip on what is happening. I wish you the very best in dealing with your mother's loss and hope you get the support you need to get through this rough time!
I would love to chat with you...my experience with this grief is that time does not heal but it does allow us to develop coping mechanisms that lets us move through our daily lives. I get so tired of the daily struggle with grief. My heart has been so empty of joy...
The photos are beautiful, thanks for posting them!
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I am on the flip side of the coin...my daughter was killed on Memorial Day of this year. She was 33 years old and my only child. I raised her as a single mom and we were so close even though she lived in Alaska and I in Texas. We talked everyday, several times throughout the day. She was married but had no children. So many times I think of just being with her~my life feels like it has no direction. I miss her so much. There are no words to describe the grief I feel, the grief I read in your posts. It will get better; there is just no time table for the grieving process. The most important thing I can tell you is to take care of yourself...eat right, get some exercise.
I wish there was something else I could say or do to help you heal. This website was a godsend for me as we all share the common bond of grief. Share as much as you want or as little. Do you have a picture of your mom you would like to share with us?
One more note...my daughter's name is Angela.
Take care, sincerely,
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