"B. Windsor, I too had to wait for a medical report to help me understand what happened. Then once it finally arrived I had to find the right moment to read it. Opening it was not easy but I knew I had to.
We all struggle to find our way. …"
"Teresa D. I read your profile info, that's how me and my son were, very close and we talked about everything.
Thank you for being here for me.
My son got cremated and hopefully gets lay down at the cemetery latest next week, so he can rest in…"
"Thanks ladies, for your support. I'm glad I had it to share.
Silke B I am so sorry you had to find us, just know your not alone.
Connie, I had to giggle at your sister. It's funny how everybody wants us to…"
"Was a really hard month but once again I survived it. The day Michael came and the day Michael left are just so hard to get by.
For the past few weeks I've been praying to God to help me hear his voice. I feel like his voice…"
"Debbie I am so sorry for the lost of your Mom. Just know she was just as important to us as we were to her.
Rita I don't have advise. My mother shut down in 2008 when my dad passed away, til this day she has not been able to offer…"
"I'm 4 1/2 years in and still crying daily. I hate this, some days I feel like I'm making progress and some days I feel stuck back on day one. I learned there's nowhere I can go to escape it so I have to embrace it. …"
"Patty your not doing anything wrong. We always think others are doing better than ourselves, but NO! We all just have to find our own way. I agree with Ammy I never want all of it to go away. If I have to feel my Michael through my…"
"Dolly, Jill sometimes I think it's they don't know what to say so they say nothing. They think talking about them will make us sad without knowing it's the lack of talking about them that makes us sad.
Connie I'm sorry…"
"When I first entered this room it was so active. I came here daily for the emotional support and understanding that only other parents could understand. I think of all of you daily.
Today is Michael's birthday, he would be…"
I'm just a mom who really misses her son. Michael and I talked all the time. He talked to me in a way most sons talk to their dad. I was proud of our closeness and I was proud of him. Now all I have are memories and tears.
About my Loss:
My son, Michael born Febrauary 14th, 1983, suddenly passed away on September 14th, 2012. We talked on the phone for about a good two hours on the 14th, if only I knew that would be our last conversation. We talked about his future and where he was headed. My last words to him were, "if anything ever happened to you or your sister I would never be able to breathe again." We said, "I love you" and hung up. Well, I can't breathe. Because he wasn't discovered over the weekend they wouldn't allow me to see him. Open coffin was not possible. so not only did my Lil' Michael leave but I didn't get to say good bye, I didn't get to see him and I didn't get to hold or touch him. I try to tell myself God did it that way so I could let go easier. Not sure it's working.
Teresa D. I read your profile info, that's how me and my son were, very close and we talked about everything.
Thank you for being here for me.
My son got cremated and hopefully gets lay down at the cemetery latest next week, so he can rest in peace. Took 6 weeks, cause of some paperwork (german bureaucracy ), the military has to bring the urn here and the investigation is still going on.
at the time I felt unfairly attacked and tried to explain myself and my fear and anguish over the difficulties my sons had to face and the apprehension that I would lose them at a young age... and I was grieving for my granddaughters too... but even that horrible grief that immobilized me for at least a year... I carried around a baby doll, wrote poetry to my granddaughters ... did not function well AT ALL... and yet it was just NOT the same... horrible as it was and IS to have lost my sweet granddaughters... it's NOT THE SAME...
I wish with ALL MY HEART that I had only NEARLY lost my son.... and its just too simplistic to say 'grief is grief'.... we don't negate your grief... so please don't trivialize what we are trying to tell you... we don't want to hurt you any more than you are hurting.... I once was attacked in another grief room... years ago after I lost my granddaughters... because I said I was in a sense grieving for my two totally disabled sons because they seemed to be dying a little at a time... at the time I didn't understand the fury that descended upon me for saying that... now I do... unfortunately...
I think ZELL should stop this ... nobody is trying to say you aren't grieving for your mate... and nobody is saying it isn't horrible... personally I don't know what its like and PLEASE GOD I never will because I truly think I would lose my mind... and my husband has health issues.. so I DO empathize with your loss Zell.... but you did not lose a child... so please don't compare ... you don't know it because you haven't been there but you just CAN'T compare any other grief than that of a grieving parent... not that we are saying we are in some sort of sick race to prove who is suffering the most or anything.. its just DIFFERENT in a horrible way you can't understand...
Teresa-I have wondered the same thing regarding Zell. Losing a child doesnot involve the same emotions, grief, heartbreak and other feelings as losing a spouse or partner. Not that it is not traumatic to them; but it is nothing like a mother's grief. Hugs
Hi Teressa, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Michael. I have no answers for you on why this sadness happened in your life. I search for answers too. This is probably the most difficult circumstance I ever had to deal with, and all I know is I need to be strong for my 12 year old that he will not loose his Mother too. Thank you for your friend request, and hope that our friendship will give you some needed support.
Dear Teresa, thank you for your kind comment about my daughter. First let me say "I am so sorry for your loss". I can't image your pain or hurt has gotten any better. I send you a tight hug from across the miles.
As I was reading your story about your son. I realized we share the same experience. Amber's accident was quite severe that an open casket was not possible. And I too was not able to see her one last time or say "Goodbye". Our last words to each other was "I love you" on June 15, 2014 at 5:00 pm. And she died that same night just after midnight June 16, 2014, while driving home from attending the Spurs final game.
You and I are left without "closure", that most people have. That one last viewing. And since we did not see them; it makes it HARDER to believe they are actually gone. It just left us what I feel as "paralyzed". We can't move from here. All we were left with was our last conversation with them. "Paralyzed". I think that's why I am having such a hard time not being able to really cry for her. I feel she's still in her home in San Antonio and I'm here in our home town (3 hours away). It just doesn't seem real. i just can't beleive she's gone. I'm terrified of the intense pain when the shock does wear off. Which I think is starting to happen. Please know my heart aches for you and I feel exactly how you felt and feel still today. All my love, Rachel
Hi Teresa, I'm so so sorry for your loss. My son died at age 31 on June 9, 2014. He was born on September 14, 1982 and he was the light of my life. I am still in shock and disbelief over his sudden passing. My Michael had struggled for a period of time with drugs but for the last 8 months was turning his life around. He was a talented graphic designer and animator for big companies like HBO, Showtime, A&E, History channel and other popular shows. Michael's dad had passed away and I was re-married to a wonderful man with a daughter 10 years younger. They got along so well; I truly felt we had the perfect family......until June 9th. Evidently Michael and his girlfriend chose to pick up drugs again and they never woke up. The news just rocked my world. I trying to breathe -one breath at a time. Your story truly resonated with me and I wanted to reach out. I too didn't get to see Michael however i'm ok with that - I want to remember him full of life. It helps me keep him alive in my mind. I wish you peace and pleased keep in touch - I need the support desperately. Hugs - Gale
"It is sad Trina but it is our truth. When my wife was here I'd dream about the good times that we would have when the kids finally cleared out. How I could really turn all the attention to her and spoil her, take her out and have date nights,…"
"Bluebell, being a hospice nurse has to be tough
I think you are right because of your own experience you will be stronger than you think.
I am off today and I am going to run errands it helps to occupy my mind, but not completely.
"I just read the recent posts and wanted to say how only this evening I was thanking the universe that we humans are mortal. Whether it takes another 30 years (and like Jackie the thought of another 30 years terrifies me and saddens me beyond words)…"
"Your so right, a charade describes it exactly, just pretending all the time. I to have been left with not knowing how to do the bills, there is no money anyway now, I never did any of the finance stuff and the suddenness of her death meant there was…"
"Digging deeper in my hole again........of course I'm not sure I mean, again......it seems like i think I emerge but then there I am again........digging furiously so I can escape.
This is the hardest, most painful, most misunderstood…"
"I was in denial even when they was talking about hospice. I was thinking she's not going anywhere, we're in recovery mood but I do need a nurse to help me with some things. Cancer is a wicked disease and it took my beautiful wife through…"
This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
"Yeah, Ben was told 5 months at christmas, but he made it 3 months. It was fast and aggressive. He was on hospice for 1.5 months. He was up and walking around after his brain surgery in july, did great all the way till chriatmas, but the cancer came…"
"Crystal...you were lucky to have enough time to learn while he was on hospice....I had 3 whole days of coherence. But, I seriously did appreciate it, even though he thought he was going to make 6 months"
"I have been blessed with a very understanding set of people at work. They have told me to take my time coming back to work and have ask if there is anything they can do to help, just ask. They knew how much my life was centered on taking care of my…"
It is the same for me in terms of my job. I'm a special education assistant and have worked with kids for over 20 years with varying special needs. The last 5 years I have specialized in working with children with autism. I started…"
I feel the same way and the weather here has been the same I'm in Pennsylvania
You were not rambling It just lets me know I'm not alone
Are used to always look forward to summer to go to the pool see my friends now I feel like I…"
I understand what you are talking about. I work in a very large school and have been there for 3 years and no one acknowledged or asked about how my mom was doing (I had to take some days off in the last month of the last school year to…"
"No Bluebell, any death is difficult for all of us right now.
Sometimes though I feel numb towards others that have lost a loved one
I have people come in to my place of employment all the time (jewelry store) that have lost parents and they seem so…"
"Same here. I've never been on my own. His beING on hospice , though he was able to stay at home, he was completely immobile, so I learned how to do all the things most men would do naturally, even paying bills, which I never have done. So he…"
"I'm just the same,,it's still we, us, ours I don't want to be I, me or mine. I signed an email jackie n Shirl the other day, realised what I'd done and it nearly killed me. I never want to be a single person"