"I'm 4 1/2 years in and still crying daily. I hate this, some days I feel like I'm making progress and some days I feel stuck back on day one. I learned there's nowhere I can go to escape it so I have to embrace it. …"
"Patty your not doing anything wrong. We always think others are doing better than ourselves, but NO! We all just have to find our own way. I agree with Ammy I never want all of it to go away. If I have to feel my Michael through my…"
"Dolly, Jill sometimes I think it's they don't know what to say so they say nothing. They think talking about them will make us sad without knowing it's the lack of talking about them that makes us sad.
Connie I'm sorry…"
"You are so right Connie we don't move on we only move through our grief.
I've become more quite cause I just don't know what to say anymore. I've become such a faker. Little does everyone know I still break down every…"
"My heart is aching too Dolly. My cousin's 21 year old daughter went missing this summer and just recently they found her body in the brush at the local park. It was really hard attending her service. I already know from my own…"
"Sometimes I think the "silence" is because they are struggling. I also think it is hard for some to face the grieving mom.
His friends never say much of anything to me but on facebook I see they have posts about Michael and they post…"
"Things are bitter sweet. Michael use to treat his cousin Georgie like he was his little brother. All through life he would give Georgie these bear hugs. Even after they grew up Michael would drop his tools in the middle of a job to…"
"Rita and Bruce I am so sorry that you have to join us. Sometimes I just don't know what to say. Sept 14th will be 4 years that my Michael is gone. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I know from my own experience there…"
"Dolly that tree will never stop dancing.
Everyone here helped me down this road and for that I will be forever grateful. I hold each one of you in my heart.
I was hoping something would change by now but the only thing that changed…"
"September it will be 4 years that I lived without my Michael. The other day I found myself with my nose deep inside his work boots trying to smell him. When I realized what I was doing I laughed at myself while tears streamed down my…"
I'm just a mom who really misses her son. Michael and I talked all the time. He talked to me in a way most sons talk to their dad. I was proud of our closeness and I was proud of him. Now all I have are memories and tears.
About my Loss:
My son, Michael born Febrauary 14th, 1983, suddenly passed away on September 14th, 2012. We talked on the phone for about a good two hours on the 14th, if only I knew that would be our last conversation. We talked about his future and where he was headed. My last words to him were, "if anything ever happened to you or your sister I would never be able to breathe again." We said, "I love you" and hung up. Well, I can't breathe. Because he wasn't discovered over the weekend they wouldn't allow me to see him. Open coffin was not possible. so not only did my Lil' Michael leave but I didn't get to say good bye, I didn't get to see him and I didn't get to hold or touch him. I try to tell myself God did it that way so I could let go easier. Not sure it's working.
Comment Wall (23 comments)
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at the time I felt unfairly attacked and tried to explain myself and my fear and anguish over the difficulties my sons had to face and the apprehension that I would lose them at a young age... and I was grieving for my granddaughters too... but even that horrible grief that immobilized me for at least a year... I carried around a baby doll, wrote poetry to my granddaughters ... did not function well AT ALL... and yet it was just NOT the same... horrible as it was and IS to have lost my sweet granddaughters... it's NOT THE SAME...
I wish with ALL MY HEART that I had only NEARLY lost my son.... and its just too simplistic to say 'grief is grief'.... we don't negate your grief... so please don't trivialize what we are trying to tell you... we don't want to hurt you any more than you are hurting.... I once was attacked in another grief room... years ago after I lost my granddaughters... because I said I was in a sense grieving for my two totally disabled sons because they seemed to be dying a little at a time... at the time I didn't understand the fury that descended upon me for saying that... now I do... unfortunately...
I think ZELL should stop this ... nobody is trying to say you aren't grieving for your mate... and nobody is saying it isn't horrible... personally I don't know what its like and PLEASE GOD I never will because I truly think I would lose my mind... and my husband has health issues.. so I DO empathize with your loss Zell.... but you did not lose a child... so please don't compare ... you don't know it because you haven't been there but you just CAN'T compare any other grief than that of a grieving parent... not that we are saying we are in some sort of sick race to prove who is suffering the most or anything.. its just DIFFERENT in a horrible way you can't understand...
Teresa-I have wondered the same thing regarding Zell. Losing a child doesnot involve the same emotions, grief, heartbreak and other feelings as losing a spouse or partner. Not that it is not traumatic to them; but it is nothing like a mother's grief. Hugs
Hi Teressa, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Michael. I have no answers for you on why this sadness happened in your life. I search for answers too. This is probably the most difficult circumstance I ever had to deal with, and all I know is I need to be strong for my 12 year old that he will not loose his Mother too. Thank you for your friend request, and hope that our friendship will give you some needed support.
Dear Teresa, thank you for your kind comment about my daughter. First let me say "I am so sorry for your loss". I can't image your pain or hurt has gotten any better. I send you a tight hug from across the miles.
As I was reading your story about your son. I realized we share the same experience. Amber's accident was quite severe that an open casket was not possible. And I too was not able to see her one last time or say "Goodbye". Our last words to each other was "I love you" on June 15, 2014 at 5:00 pm. And she died that same night just after midnight June 16, 2014, while driving home from attending the Spurs final game.
You and I are left without "closure", that most people have. That one last viewing. And since we did not see them; it makes it HARDER to believe they are actually gone. It just left us what I feel as "paralyzed". We can't move from here. All we were left with was our last conversation with them. "Paralyzed". I think that's why I am having such a hard time not being able to really cry for her. I feel she's still in her home in San Antonio and I'm here in our home town (3 hours away). It just doesn't seem real. i just can't beleive she's gone. I'm terrified of the intense pain when the shock does wear off. Which I think is starting to happen. Please know my heart aches for you and I feel exactly how you felt and feel still today. All my love, Rachel
Hi Teresa, I'm so so sorry for your loss. My son died at age 31 on June 9, 2014. He was born on September 14, 1982 and he was the light of my life. I am still in shock and disbelief over his sudden passing. My Michael had struggled for a period of time with drugs but for the last 8 months was turning his life around. He was a talented graphic designer and animator for big companies like HBO, Showtime, A&E, History channel and other popular shows. Michael's dad had passed away and I was re-married to a wonderful man with a daughter 10 years younger. They got along so well; I truly felt we had the perfect family......until June 9th. Evidently Michael and his girlfriend chose to pick up drugs again and they never woke up. The news just rocked my world. I trying to breathe -one breath at a time. Your story truly resonated with me and I wanted to reach out. I too didn't get to see Michael however i'm ok with that - I want to remember him full of life. It helps me keep him alive in my mind. I wish you peace and pleased keep in touch - I need the support desperately. Hugs - Gale
I was reading your profile and noticed our sons were close in age, Jesse born in August 2, 1984 and he passed on October 10, 2012...I too was so close with my son, there was nothing I could not share with him...I am missing my best friend...
You are about the same time frame in this journey of loss...this is just so hard...
"Hello. My name is Debbie. I am Adrianne's Daughter. I joined this group to announce to you of her passing. She took her last breath on July 4th, 2016. She was my best friend, my better half and my person. I am not sure how to even begin to…"
"Theresa, I could cry for you. I'm so sorry you never had a chance to even say goodbye to your mom. I completely agree about The Lord giving us strength during this time of overwhelming grief. I'm Catholic and believe my mom is in heaven…"
"Before my life changed on July 5, 2016 I was going to my Dads 3 times a week. I cooked, did his laundry, played dominoes, took him to doctor appointments, picked up prescriptions, bought his groceries and filled his pill box and whatever else needed…"
"Nancy is right Olive seeing a physician is good, I did also.
I truly believe that God is giving me strength to see me through losing my mom.
I don't know if you read the beginning of my post, my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly from cardiac…"
"My heart goes out to you, Olive. That type of anxiety is crippling. I'm glad you have a physician who is making sure your symptoms are treated. I have experienced those symptoms at a younger age after being severely injured in an automobile…"
"Olive, the answer is yes, I have extreme anxiety, I shake, its awful, even though it has been over a year, I did not want to take and SSRI, I practice yoga, it helps, but not enough.
I was wondering if anyone else suffered from this.
I pray it goes…"
"Hi Nancy, Theresa, and Bluebell, Thank you so very much for responding to my post. I am so sorry for the losses of your dear moms. I feel like I don't know how to exist in the world without her. I have a wonderful…"
"Take care too Raina. I am not having a good morning , so I am short on words. What I am hanging on to is the faith that I know it will get better and I will move on with my life. I just do not know when that will be. Maybe it will be tomorrow and…"
"Thank you Morgan, your support means so much to me, I was in a bad place when I wrote this. I don't really have many people to talk to; there were loads of people there for me just after he died, but everyone has drifted away. My very best…"
"Being your mothers caregiver must have been hard. And now that she is gone its all different. I think maybe you should try to stay at your house. My mom and i had an apartment together and i am trying to break the lease because i cant live there. To…"
"Nancy, what you said is true, my mom was all I had, I miss her everyday and I don't cry everyday anymore, I try not to, just when I need to. But I try to get ahold of myself.
It just feels as though this part of my heart will never…"
"Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage. How do we have any hope or get through a day? No one has an answer. We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.…"
"Louise, Just keep trying. Baby steps. Thats all any of us can do. We keep trying to get through another day because there is only one other option which is not really desirable. Do you have anyone who really…"
I'm so thankful to hear your results were negative for cancer! My heart goes out to you that you couldn't have your mom by your side going through all of that. It's harder for me to share things with my dad as well, but my…"
Theresa and I have been going through the same thing. It's almost 2 years since I lost my sweet mom. It sounds like our moms were very much alike. I still cry privately each day. I have an underlying sadness during even the happiest…"
"I haven't posted anything in a while but I come here to read stories about the losses we (mostly) Mothers are going through. Looking for answers and knowing in my heart there are none...My Jesse was 38 days away from being 38 years old. Why do…"