JenShep
  • Female
  • Washington, DC
  • United States
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JenShep's Friends

  • TimB
  • Amy
  • Lost with out him
  • Alice Thompson
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
13 hours ago
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
Wednesday
TimB left a comment for JenShep
"I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on.…"
Wednesday
JenShep replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Has anyone on the site use alcoholic to cope with Grief.
"No, you're not the only one. I drink every day to numb it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes things worse. I only wish I didn't drink as much as I do because of all of the calories lol. If it kills me, that'd be great. I just…"
Jan 14
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Oh! Shoot. I'm sure I have some disorders lol but that's not what I'm trying to do!  Well I'm sure I can meditate on whatever hurts the most. God, idk if I wanna do that. I'll probably just cry and cry and cry. I know…"
Jan 12
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"hahaha well I agree with you about it not being a great thing to have a life to live. And I'm not opposed to trying other methods like you mentioned - have thought kind-of seriously about ibogaine... But, thanks for the reply and the…"
Jan 12
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jon-Paul, I love reading this. I wonder if you can share how you get into a trance state? (I realize that this is a very complicated question - but maybe the process that you went through to achieve this?) I've been practicing meditation for…"
Jan 11
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Stewart, you give me hope. I am one of those who came here so discouraged to find that most everyone is still wanting to die - even several years after losing the love of their lives. I now find it comforting that I am not crazy. So many people…"
Dec 30, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry Morgan. I think I feel just like you do. I think there's a part of my brain that thinks that Tom is coming back or that I will get to be with him soon. But that never comes. And it's like running a never ending marathon.…"
Dec 28, 2017
JenShep and morgan are now friends
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And Cheyenne, I totally get it. And I definitely wasn’t meaning to push anything on you. Please let us know how your experience is with the grief counselor. Everyone has pressed me to see one but I have resisted so far for some reason.…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And Nancy, That was the first book I read after Tom died. It gave me some hope. Since then I’ve read so many more. I recently read Love Never Dies by Dr. Jamie Turner (it was only $3 to download from amazon) and this lady got all kinds of…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I think my beliefs are pretty similar to yours. I have that same fear that if I killed myself I would damage something in my soul that would mean I’d never get to be with Tom again, or at least that it would take eons. I definitely…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep joined Amy's group
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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.See More
Oct 25, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Cheyenne, When I first came to this site I was also surprised to see so many people who feel the same way. I was hoping to find some people who had figured out how to move forward and feel okay but that's really not the case. And then I found…"
Oct 25, 2017
JenShep and Alice Thompson are now friends
Oct 4, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
43yo, no kids, no pets.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life in October, only 5 months after his stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He was only 41. A young 41. It was my worst fear come to life.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 9:28am on January 17, 2018, TimB said…

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim

At 5:51pm on September 23, 2017, Susan K said…

Hi Jen,

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a  sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue

At 12:08am on July 6, 2017, Alice Thompson said…
Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that they are not gone at all, but just in a different state. It is our fight against that reality that makes us suffer mentally. That's my idea. In any case I know my love is with me for various reasons including signs and communication... and just "deep knowing". If only I could hold onto that understanding in the face of this physical world and all the people in it who would not believe me. With love to you.
At 1:26pm on June 23, 2017, morgan said…

Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death.  He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday.  No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.  I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind.  I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry.  One hour at a time.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7…"
11 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow."
12 hours ago
Rose C Gianopoulos commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.   We were married…"
13 hours ago
Profile IconRose C Gianopoulos, Gardenlady and Diane Burningham joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
13 hours ago
Rose C Gianopoulos shared Jon-Paul Ackerman's group on Facebook
13 hours ago
JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
13 hours ago
Profile IconDione Larkin, Linda, Crystal and 9 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
16 hours ago
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"please will so someone reply"
yesterday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"I really can't live without my husband"
yesterday
Jean commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hello everyone. Today was bittersweet. I went to visit a dear friend at the hospital where my mother passed almost five years ago(Feb 8th). My mother wrote a short 2 page note of thanks and love to all of the doctors and nurses and staff at the…"
yesterday
Jennifer commented on Jarvis's group I love my Dad.
"Thank you Gilda and JO B.  I really appreciate your kindness and support. I know without any doubt that my Dad is with me just has he always has been.  much love ~"
yesterday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"It's not just the death of the love of my life it's the death of jthe future growing old together"
Friday
Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Thankyou Karen for responding to my pain and sharing how you feel. It really is hell on earth."
Friday
Karen commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"I feel your pain. It has been only 7 months for me but some days I think it gets worse instead of better. The loneliness is overwhelming when they were such a big part of our world. "
Friday
Sue updated their profile
Friday
Sue joined Jarvis's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
Friday
Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Thankyou Alice for responding to my pain. I'm new to this site so not sure how it all works. I feel sure I'll never get over this loss but I'm comforted by getting a reply from you & Morgan Thankyou. It must be awful feeling the…"
Thursday
Alice Thompson left a comment for morgan
"My dear Morgan, I am thinking of you as you go through this dark tunnel reliving the end. I did that myself recently, as you know, and it is indescribable. Baby steps, as you say. That’s all we can do. With my love, Alice "
Thursday
Alice Thompson commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Hello Marjorie, I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I lost the love of my three years ago. It is hellish. Sometimes life is more bearable than at others, but the fact remains that the worst thing possible has happened to me, and it remains a fact…"
Thursday
morgan commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Marjorie, I wish I could offer more than just I am sorry.........I've been wishing to wake up from my own nightmare for a long time but my own predicament is so in flux all the time I can at times be supportive but other times I am simply…"
Thursday

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