JenShep
  • Female
  • Washington, DC
  • United States
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JenShep's Friends

  • TimB
  • Amy
  • Lost with out him
  • Alice Thompson
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nancy, Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have…"
Mar 13
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago.…"
Mar 13
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, The only thing that keeps me here is thinking about how much my mom would suffer if I were gone AND the idea that I would have to come back in a next life and go through this again. I can't imagine having to do this again in another…"
Mar 8
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda and Morgan, I feel the same as you both. Every night I state my intention that I will die (an easy death hopefully since Tom's was so horrific) and be with Tom and that we will go on a great adventure together and never have to be apart…"
Mar 2
JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
Jan 20
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
Jan 17
TimB left a comment for JenShep
"I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on.…"
Jan 17
JenShep replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Has anyone on the site use alcoholic to cope with Grief.
"No, you're not the only one. I drink every day to numb it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes things worse. I only wish I didn't drink as much as I do because of all of the calories lol. If it kills me, that'd be great. I just…"
Jan 14
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Oh! Shoot. I'm sure I have some disorders lol but that's not what I'm trying to do!  Well I'm sure I can meditate on whatever hurts the most. God, idk if I wanna do that. I'll probably just cry and cry and cry. I know…"
Jan 12
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"hahaha well I agree with you about it not being a great thing to have a life to live. And I'm not opposed to trying other methods like you mentioned - have thought kind-of seriously about ibogaine... But, thanks for the reply and the…"
Jan 12
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jon-Paul, I love reading this. I wonder if you can share how you get into a trance state? (I realize that this is a very complicated question - but maybe the process that you went through to achieve this?) I've been practicing meditation for…"
Jan 11
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Stewart, you give me hope. I am one of those who came here so discouraged to find that most everyone is still wanting to die - even several years after losing the love of their lives. I now find it comforting that I am not crazy. So many people…"
Dec 30, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry Morgan. I think I feel just like you do. I think there's a part of my brain that thinks that Tom is coming back or that I will get to be with him soon. But that never comes. And it's like running a never ending marathon.…"
Dec 28, 2017
JenShep and morgan are now friends
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And Cheyenne, I totally get it. And I definitely wasn’t meaning to push anything on you. Please let us know how your experience is with the grief counselor. Everyone has pressed me to see one but I have resisted so far for some reason.…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And Nancy, That was the first book I read after Tom died. It gave me some hope. Since then I’ve read so many more. I recently read Love Never Dies by Dr. Jamie Turner (it was only $3 to download from amazon) and this lady got all kinds of…"
Oct 26, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
43yo, no kids, no pets.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life in October, only 5 months after his stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He was only 41. A young 41. It was my worst fear come to life.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 9:28am on January 17, 2018, TimB said…

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim

At 5:51pm on September 23, 2017, Susan K said…

Hi Jen,

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a  sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue

At 12:08am on July 6, 2017, Alice Thompson said…
Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that they are not gone at all, but just in a different state. It is our fight against that reality that makes us suffer mentally. That's my idea. In any case I know my love is with me for various reasons including signs and communication... and just "deep knowing". If only I could hold onto that understanding in the face of this physical world and all the people in it who would not believe me. With love to you.
At 1:26pm on June 23, 2017, morgan said…

Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death.  He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday.  No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.  I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind.  I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry.  One hour at a time.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
""Grief counseling is not a magic bullet. We will feel what we feel until we heal." So true Brett. The counselor I see periodically does not push the grief process or closure. He encourages me to talk if I want to and gently gives…"
5 hours ago
CYBERSIS updated their profile
9 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bulebell, I don't think it is inappropriate at all to say I love you to this group. I love everyone here. This is a group that understands because we are all experiencing tremendous grief. I am so tired of random people telling me that I need…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom was cremated and her ashes were laid to rest in the ocean per her wishes. She wanted no services or even a celebration of her life. We honored her wishes, But I wish I had a place at a cemetery where I could go visit her. I think it might…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, that is how the whole first year was for me after my mom passed, it was just a blur..."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Marie my thoughts and prayers are with you, Brett is right we remember our moms everyday the same way, but for me it makes me feel happy to go to her grave and bring a flower and tell her I love her, but I tell her I love her every day and…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Marie D, Thank you for your condolences. I am heartbroken every minute of the day about it. A couple of days after it happened, I offered to pick up his ashes and death certificates. It is 2 in the morning right now, so I am doing that today and…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Marie, I am glad to see you post again. Mother's Day is my mom's birthday. Last years Mother's Day was really hard. I don't think it will be as bad this year. Seconds, minutes, and hours pass, and then it's another day. I…"
yesterday
Marie D commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Brett, I am here, still struggling with deep depression. I need your and others advice, how do you handle Mother’s Day? This will be the first one since Mom passed on Christmas Day. I am overcome with grief, and dread just thinking about…"
yesterday
Madeleine replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"Thank you - I totally agree. They never really leave us."
yesterday
Madeleine replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"Hi Morgan, I'm so very sorry for your loss and heartbreak. It makes me wonder if asking people to write to their lost one on my website is just too much for many. I really hope people's words can make readers feel less alone in their grief…"
yesterday
morgan replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"Madeleine, what would I do if I could have my husband back for just five minutes? My first reaction would be to run into his arms, hug him and then make mad passionate love like we did so many times and then I would ask him if I could take the pills…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B updated their profile
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"noy let go but i no ther is afrer lifess coz thy can vist us is m ush is thy need 2 esplyyy wen we need thm "
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on Jesse's Mom's group Signs from Our Loved Ones
"lst 4 wks iv bean goin 2 spirtalstt churshes lot of pepepel had mesagess off lovesd 1s thy hav evn off e pepeepl it die ovr 60 or 70 or80 yrs go "
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My sister kept some of my mom's voicemail to her. There is no way that I could listen to it. She also took some video footage of her while she was on Hospice. Seeing those would be very painful. Like you, looking through a photo album is so…"
Tuesday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"This is just so hard and I know we are all going through it... I just wish they told me it was going to hurt this much- I would've spent every minute with my mom and learned everything about her :( "
Tuesday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett. I do try to honor her but it is so painful.  I attended church service yesterday. I think I did pretty well.  No unexpected outbursts. But then I came home and found an old album of photos, saw a picture of me and my mom…"
Tuesday
AnneJ. commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Virginia, personally I am convinced, looking back, that my brain put up a shield to protect my mind from the devastating scene of my husband of 20 years dropping to his death in the shower. I'm still 99% nuts and that's the truth.…"
Tuesday
Madeleine posted a discussion

What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?

Hi, I'm new to this site and would love to share my new project inspired by the loss of my mom 24 years ago - www.yourjustfiveminutes.com.Just Five Minutes was created to help those dealing with grief reconnect to their lost loved one, either by dreaming the impossible, or by simply reading other peoples' words who may be experiencing a similar sense of loss as you.It asks one question: 'What would you do if... came…See More
Monday

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