JenShep
  • Female
  • Washington, DC
  • United States
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JenShep's Friends

  • Geri
  • TimB
  • Amy
  • Lost with out him
  • Alice Thompson
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I haven't posted in a while but I'm still in the same boat I was last time I posted and to come back here and read others' posts that sound so much like what I'm still going through is a bit of a comfort.  Joe, like you I…"
Nov 13, 2018
JenShep replied to Nicole's discussion Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Some days, yes it does. And some days it’s worse than the day you lost him. I’m two years out."
Oct 18, 2018
JenShep and Geri are now friends
Jul 19, 2018
JenShep replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"bluebird, that's the perfect answer and exactly what I'd want. I think about this all the time. I also think of how hard it would be to have him back for 5 minutes and then to have to lose him again if I wasn't able to follow him. For…"
Jul 19, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Yes! I keep thinking I’ll find my reason for still existing but it eludes me. And without reason, what is the point of anything? And the exhaustion... it’s worse now than it ever was. I feel like I’m walking through water…"
Jun 30, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Jon-Paul. I am afraid I am on the same path and appreciate your advice a lot. "
Jun 25, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Geraldine, i have spoken to two different mediums. Both were recommended to me by the same person but I will say this person was much less of a skeptic than I am. Both readings were a let down. The first one was just awful. Nothing she said hit on…"
Jun 20, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here. I’ve been wondering what it is about me that makes me this way. Just out of curiosity, would some of you share your astrological signs? I’m a Capricorn and it’s one of the most loyal signs in the zodiac. I have wondered…"
Jun 20, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I totally understand what you’re expressing and I feel the same way although my certainty waxes and wanes. Sometimes I feel so good because I know he’s right here with me and sometimes I can’t feel it and sink back down into…"
May 20, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I’ve cried for 561 days in a row. How can that not kill me?? This is crazy. How can we live like this?"
Apr 29, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nancy, Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have…"
Mar 13, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago.…"
Mar 13, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, The only thing that keeps me here is thinking about how much my mom would suffer if I were gone AND the idea that I would have to come back in a next life and go through this again. I can't imagine having to do this again in another…"
Mar 8, 2018
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda and Morgan, I feel the same as you both. Every night I state my intention that I will die (an easy death hopefully since Tom's was so horrific) and be with Tom and that we will go on a great adventure together and never have to be apart…"
Mar 2, 2018
JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
Jan 20, 2018
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
Jan 17, 2018

Profile Information

About Me:
43yo, no kids, no pets.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life in October, only 5 months after his stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He was only 41. A young 41. It was my worst fear come to life.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 9:28am on January 17, 2018, TimB said…

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim

At 5:51pm on September 23, 2017, Susan K said…

Hi Jen,

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a  sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue

At 12:08am on July 6, 2017, Alice Thompson said…
Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that they are not gone at all, but just in a different state. It is our fight against that reality that makes us suffer mentally. That's my idea. In any case I know my love is with me for various reasons including signs and communication... and just "deep knowing". If only I could hold onto that understanding in the face of this physical world and all the people in it who would not believe me. With love to you.
At 1:26pm on June 23, 2017, morgan said…

Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death.  He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday.  No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.  I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind.  I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry.  One hour at a time.

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
55 minutes ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
2 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
3 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
3 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
3 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Joe, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You put into words the horror I go through everyday. Going on year 7 without my Husband Julian. He was my whole life and I want to be with him but I can't. If I didn't believe in God I…"
8 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, 49 years is a long time.  Long enough to embed yourself in each other and there is nothing that will soothe the tearing apart of that union.  I knew my husband for 55 (since 2nd grade) and we were together for 35.  Long…"
17 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Monday will be a very tough day for both of us. It's one year for me which seems like one long day, and six for you, which scares the hell out of me thinking about how long do I have to be here before I go to her. It seems like one long…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lets be honest. Death sucks. As I read the posts on here and I see how we struggle when we lose someone to death it boggles the mind how any of us keep moving. I keep saying to myself there is something I can do to make myself feel better and it…"
yesterday
Emma is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Kelly Lieberman posted a status
"Can't sleep. Typical, my daughter goes back to college in the morning and I am having a hard time with that."
yesterday
Kelly Lieberman posted photos
yesterday
mindy replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"I guess I'm doing ok I was in the middle of a family fued Christmas day night so I been keeping to myself I check out that site but don't have the money to pay for it I'm disabled"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I agree with all of that. I didn't expect a reward. My mom was reward enough, but I am not the same person that I once was. And I thought that some kind of balance would occur. I can't explain that really. It's been defeating. As soon…"
Friday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"After my husband’s death, and now after losing my mother, I also found myself somehow imagining that, not so much that something good would happen, more that some kind of reward would come to me, something to balance off the pain and…"
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Well, Brett, one day we all shall see, I have many many questions, but no one to answer them. My heart still aches everyday, I still cry, but no one understands why, they have no clue...."
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There's something that has been on my mind lately and this is the best place to mention it. As much as I feared and dreaded my mom's death, I sort of felt like something good would happen, maybe not right away, but eventually. Like Karma…"
Friday
Margaret Whitehouse commented on mary snell's group hi
"I know how you feel. I lost my mom Jan 6, 2019 and it is so raw and all I do is cry. I was in the room when she passed and had been all day. My regret is I wasn't holding her hand when she took her last breath. She had dementia and I saw her 3…"
Thursday
Margaret Whitehouse joined mary snell's group
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hi

hi I recantly lost my mom two weeks ago I'm still missing her and I wish that i could of said good bye to her before said passed away See More
Thursday
Brenda Ann replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"Mindy, I am not a doctor but I am a student of the Bible. It seems that you are suffering from anxiety over your past. Humans including ourselves seem to filter the good things we have done and focus on the "bad". But God is the opposite.…"
Wednesday

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