Barbara Sutton
  • San Jose, CA
  • United States

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About Me:
I am a 50 year old widow who recently lost her husband. I am also a new gramma of a 9 month old. Balancing the act of a new life and the loss of a cherished one is a mixed emotion I am not dealing with very well which is to be expected I am told.
About my Loss:
I lost my husband on April 2, 2011. It was quite fast, he was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in February and died 2 months later. He was my best friend and I am lost with out him.

Barbara Sutton's Blog

God is still good to me.

The love of my will have been gone to heaven almost 3 years ago. I am still amazed about the presence of his soul in my life.

Two days after Christmas, I was standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast. My 3 year old grandson came in to me and said "good morning gramma buttons" (that's what he calls me.) I said good morning baby, are you awake and having a good morning? He said yep. Gramma buttons, I was playing with my dogs. I said, you were? He said yep, Bailey and Shasta were…


Posted on January 19, 2014 at 10:16am — 1 Comment

I miss you

The mention of your name, the vision of your face, the thought of your embrace, I thank God I still have those moments when I can hear you call my name. You were my breath, my life, and my soul. I know it is selfish, I know it is not fair to those still around me but I find most times how it is that I can still breathe? Will my heartache ever feel relief? Will it ever go away? All these things bring me, is the reality that you are no longer by my side. I know you look down on me from up in…


Posted on March 16, 2012 at 2:00pm

Almost 6 months

Today I feel normal. I am afraid to see tomorrow come because I don't know if my pain and lonesomeness will be back with floods of tears. I lost my husband on April 2, 2011. We were together 15 years. A relationship that started online. We did not marry until February of this year and had put off the official "marriage" for reasons that he and I had wanted our mothers to be there. Unfortunately when he was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in January, we decided that there was no time to…


Posted on September 19, 2011 at 8:20pm — 1 Comment

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At 9:30am on April 4, 2012, Sue Waxman said…

Dear Barbara,

I work in animal rescue. You are completely right on about dogs. - Sue

At 1:00am on March 9, 2012, Ruth said…

Dear Barbara,

Thank you so much for writing.  Plese don't feel guilty about not being beside your husband.  My goodness, how can we know!  I was so glad to be with Mike, but truly, when we said our last goodbyes the night before, there was absolutely no indication that we would never speak again.  I have a friend who is dying of cancer, and he and her husband have spoken about her death.....very difficult conversations.  Mike and I never had those words.  We believed he would get through it and we would be married and go on with a good life together.  My heart goes out to you so much.  Please don't beat yourself up.  There are just so many things we can think of that we should have done better, and Barbara, if there's anything I'm so aware of right now is that we're just human!  What else can we do, but be human and keep moving one step ahead of the other.  Take care, okay.  Ruth

At 5:59pm on December 8, 2011, BeccA said…

Hi Barbara

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Not only the cancer, but the sudden loss of your husband.  I too have a new grandchild however, it's my 4th and they are all under 5.  When the last one was born 3 months ago, i felt the same as you were explaining with that situation.  My oldest daughter died one year ago, 12/12/10 and she left a 3 year old son.  Although we did find out after many doctor appointments, tests and other diagnosis that she had cancer, they told us the odds of her making it were extremely high.  That is when 6 months later another scan and blood test showed that it had spread and that she only had a little time left.  It was like the air had been let out of the balloon and all hope vanished.   I hope your pain and healing get easier each day and that you can reflect on the wonderful memories you have of your husband.  

Hugs to you


At 8:59pm on December 5, 2011, anna l. said…


We have alot in common.  Our husbands both died of cancer just 2 months after the diagnosis.  I don't know how bad it got for you in those two months, but I imagine it was very similiar to what happened here and that was like riding an out of control freight train going off a mountain.  I am really sorry for your loss, and I understand.

At 2:50am on November 18, 2011, Melissa Broome said…


So very sorry for your loss. I too am thankful my mom didn't have to suffer for an extended amount of time. My mom was going to the doctor alot they just did a bone scan and got the results the morning my mothers femur snapped. With those types of Cancers its so hard to know they have mom had just had a colonoscaphy done 3 yrs ago.. and when they went in again they only found 1 cancerous pallup. it angers me to know it spread all over her body even her bones and they couldn't tell till it was too late. I don't think I will ever get over the shock of how fast she declined from being my fun caring loving mother to just sleeping and being in pain in just 3 weeks. I miss her so much. I hope time will heal some of this pain we carry heavy in our hearts

Big hugs to you,



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