John B
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Please PRAY for me and My 'brother' the CaPrIcKorn RaT

Dear GOD Please Help my '$uce$$ful' MuDdLeD kLa$s' TAX Auditor/ AiR CaNaDa Co Pilot of a CaPrIcKorn RaT of a 'brother' Le$$eN his FEAR Ba$eD SeLf cEnTrEd Manipulations, Open his Heart and HELP me Forgive him for being SO COLDLY CONTROLLING ...&…Continue

Tags: brother, resentment, control, judgement, forgiveness

Started Jan 26, 2012

HOW CAN I BEGIN to Find 'Forgiveness' towards my INsensitive CONTROLLING 'brother' ?
2 Replies

 Dear GOD Please Help my '$uce$$ful' MuDdLeD kLa$s' TAX Auditor/ AiR CaNaDa Co Pilot of a CaPrIcKorn RaT of a 'brother' Le$$eN his FEAR Ba$eD SeLf cEnTrEd Manipulations, Open his Heart and HELP me Forgive him for being SO COLDLY CONTROLLING ...&…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by John B Feb 13, 2012.

Still Trying to 'forgive' my 'Mother'
5 Replies

Thankyou Brenda Ann,King David wrote: “He(God) himself well knows the formation of us, remembering that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:14) God made us from “nothing” and he can recreate us also from nothing. (Genesis 2:7) “God proceeded to form the man…Continue

Tags: blame, denial, abuse, mother, heaven

Started this discussion. Last reply by John B Jul 2, 2012.

Still Searching for Forgiveness within my Fear Based HuRt & aNgRy SeLf * (

Thanks for reaching out Brenda. Is the photo in your profile your dad ? Sorry to hear that you Lost him as well. I'm doing…Continue

Started Jan 11, 2012

How do I forgive my INsensitive 'family' for 'seeing' me as the 'family' Scapegoat
6 Replies

I saw my 79 year old Father die in Silent Agony from Cancer for 3 weeks after he was diagnosed with Cancer of the Colon in November 2009. It was Torture driving my on and oFf emotionally, physically, mentally and verbally Abusive 'mother' to the…Continue

Tags: verbal, abuse, forgiveness, emotional, physical

Started this discussion. Last reply by John B May 17, 2011.


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John B's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm an artist, photographer, actor trained in fine arts.
About my Loss:
It's been 4 years since I went 'home' to be at my Belated Sensitive yet Stoic Father's side as I was Powerless to 'save' him via my Former TAO 'Family's Holy Water and Prayers.

Thankfully my Best and Only True Friend,whom I met 11 years ago, has called and met me every day no matter how much pain she has been in to offer me True Support, Love and Friendship, without which I would have Never 'made it' this far. Beyond the Deep Emotional Pain of having been coerced into 'giving' her son who's now 44 up for adoption, who isn't 'interested' in any 'reunion' which has been Beyond 'simply Painful, she Lost her eldest brother and mother 15 years ago and then her hard Working also in the Airforce Father 2 months before mine in December 2009.

Acceptance has Finally begun to Free me from the Hurt, Anger, Fear of ANY Conflicts and Expectations of my 'family' to acknowledge and Apologize for what I now am beginning to see and Accept & LET GO of my 'FaLsE pRiDe' and 'ego's Stubborness. Thankfully I no longer FeeL as HuRt & aNgRy as I did.

Here's what I typed 1 - 2+ years ago.

I saw My Father Edward Vincent pass away in Agony from Cancer February 23, 2010 after being at his side everyday for 8 hours for 3 weeks. Eight months later, "me second mum" Dorothy, who 'adopted' me after making our first online digital film about Adoption passed away Oct.29, 2010. They met a few times and I was very happy to see the Parents I 'should' have had get along so well unlike my Mother whose Fear and Perfectionistic Demands and Berating of my Dad and I 'created' Most of The TeNsIoN and Drama we didn'T 'need', BrEaKiNg our 'family' apart as she lost her 'father' to alcoholism she still DENIES when she was 14 on My Birthday 7 years before I was born. She EXPECTED me to be 'PERFECT OR ELSE !"

After nearly 5 EmOtIoNaLLy PaInFuL Years, I am Finally Accepting, Forgiving and becoming More Grateful for how My Strong Year of the Ox Virgo Leo Rising Mother HAD to be 'living' 'with' my sometimes Stubborn Penny Pinching Poverty Razed in the Bush During the 1930s Gambling AdDiCtEd Father.

Because he was a bit of a Hoarder, she Had to end up giving away his 'junk' ouT of their 'home' 1 Month after he died.

Now I realize that because she Lost her own Father at the age of 14, she Emotionally ShuT Down and HAD to Maintain 'Control' in order to 'SuRvIvE' and Make Sure we Grew up Healthy, Having to Fight for The Excellent Food she cleaned, cooked,baked from scratch, as well as sewed and cared for us 24/7 Daily, Despite my sometimes Alcohol and Sugar Fuel'd Father's Rage of her Spending "MY (His) Hard Earned minimum wage) Money!"

Thanks to Dave, a 57 year old who just found out he was Adopted 2 years ago who Listens to me for up to an hour on the phone without Ever Criticizing, Controlling or 'giving' any 'advice' as well as Al-anon and the 12 Steps, I found this book which is Helping me to Understand, Accept and Forgive My Amazing Mother, as she Too was Powerless and Terrified as a Child having Lost her Father at the Young age of 14 and there were NO 'support' groups available for her as there are now. Music Helps !

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John B's Blog

Snow Bunny Saves Us from S'kNoW' Blindness * O

 aww..and I thought that after receiving an ok to download the beta test for Warlords of Draenor that I was already 'chosen' to be an ALPHA beta tester * ( however i have to still wait and see if I'm one of the lucky ones to be invited via email * )

I LOVE THIS AMAZING GAME. It's SOULFULLY SOOTHING Music and FANTASTIC Animation has helped Heal me following 5 Family Deaths since 2010. Thankyou Blizzard's Incredible Team of Artists & Computer Technicians for Helping to Ease my…


Posted on June 27, 2014 at 3:52pm — 2 Comments

Cures for Cancer

Posted on August 10, 2012 at 7:10pm — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (21 comments)

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At 4:13pm on December 1, 2012, dream moon JO B said…

hear is the 1st i took 1 of my drawings 1 of the cloud formatsion i took looks like a human swiming in the sky

At 4:12pm on December 1, 2012, dream moon JO B said…

At 4:00pm on December 1, 2012, dream moon JO B said…

iv just doonloaded it so far all i hav dun is cort cloud formatsions no xsuxce for forget the date with this camra it has the time and date on it i hav a litle mini cmacorda but evry time i try to ctach any thng the batries seam to die on me

At 3:45pm on October 14, 2012, dream moon JO B said…

i no ther is 1 foto i wud luv catch thunder and litning and a hevy storm i will do tht 1day if i do catch it i will post it on hear

At 3:06pm on October 14, 2012, dream moon JO B said…

if u look up at the sky and look up in sum of the trees i woz trying to catch sum wild life today bot cort this 1 i woz trying to catch a gray sqruil but it woz to fast

At 5:16am on January 28, 2012, Brenda Ann said…
Hi John,
May you find comfort today. This sadness we all suffer make even the small things huge. Have you been keeping a journal? I was just thinking of how when I can't sleep I get some paper and write down what is rolling over and over in my mind. It seems then I can go to sleep because I've weirdness it down. I know I can't forget. I wonder if that method could be a way for you to handle all the issues you have to deal with in all your sorrow? My thought is like putting some of the issues in a pending file, so to speak. Then maybe everything won't be sitting crushing you. The pending file is not forgetting nor ignoring the problem or issue, it is an opportunity to handle that issue when you can do something about it. Especially when the issue involves another person we must wait for them to act. The ball is in there court. Maybe that could some of the weight off your shoulders. Hugs
At 8:02am on January 17, 2012, Brenda Ann said…



Faith is not just a surface "feel good" emotion – actually, it conveys the thought of confidence, trust and firm persuasion.  The Scriptures tell us: “Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities though not beheld.” (Hebrews 11:1)

Faith is, therefore, the basis for hope in the resurection and the evidence for conviction concerning unseen realities. The entire body of truths delivered by Jesus Christ and his inspired disciples constitutes the true Christian “faith.” (John 18:37; Galatians 1:7-9; Ac 6:7; 1Timothy 5:8) Christian faith is based on the complete Word of God, including the Old Testament, to which Jesus and the writers of the New Testament frequently referred in support of their statements.

Faith is based on concrete evidence. The visible creative works testify to the existence of an invisible Creator. (Romans 1:20) The actual occurrences taking place during the ministry and earthly life of Jesus Christ identify him as the Son of God. (Matthew 27:54)  God’s record of providing for his earthly creatures serves as a valid basis for believing that he will surely provide for his servants, and his record as a Giver and Restorer of life lends ample evidence to the credibility of the resurrection hope. (Matthew 6:26, 30, 33; Acts 17:31; 1Corinthians 15:3-8, 20, 21) Furthermore, the reliability of God’s Word and the accurate fulfillment of its prophecies instill confidence in the realization of all of His promises. (Joshua 23:14) Thus, in these many ways, “faith follows the thing heard.”—Romans 10:17; compare John 4:7-30, 39-42; Acts 14:8-10. Faith is built as we study the Bible and see God work in our lives.

King David wrote: “He(God) himself well knows the formation of us, remembering that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:14) God made us from “nothing” and he can recreate us also from nothing. (Genesis 2:7) “God proceeded to form the man out of dust from the ground and to blow into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man came to be a living soul.”

What makes us the person we are is our memories, traits, our likes and dislikes ETC. When we pass away all of that is in God's memory. Jesus was given the ability to bring people back to life and he says, at John 5:28, 29, “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.”


This is only a begining of the faith strenghtening scriptures - does it help?  Mat I share more?


I care,


At 12:04am on January 13, 2012, Brenda Ann said…

John, may I talk to you about faith?  May I tell you some scriptures I find encouraging?  I hope you have a peaceful day and I will keep you in my prayers.



At 2:00pm on January 11, 2012, Brenda Ann said…

Dear John, 

     I am so sorry that you have so many issues.  You have enough to deal with as you travel this terrible grief trail.  The photo on my profile is my father in law.  He died July 24, 2010 after a fall and a subsequent brain bleed.  All of it took 3 months and was agonizing for our family.  Our granddaughter who is 4, soon to be 5, still draws picture for him and we have a plastic container we put her pictures in so she can give them to him when he is ressurected.  We belive the Bible and all of God's promises contained there in.  Do you believe the Bible is God's word too?  The Words of Jesus at John 5:28, 29 bring us great comfort.  "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out."

     If you believe in God, lean on him and let him be your strength. (Philippians 4:13) "For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me".

     If you do not believe in God or are mad at him and want to know why I believe just ask.  Just know that I will be here to "talk" any time...




At 10:16am on May 22, 2011, Ammy said…
Hi John, sorry I haven't been in much of a mood to write anything.  Get so tired of feeling down and sad that I just avoid the communicating sometimes.  I want it to help, but it seems like nothing really helps in the long run.  Have a good day or two and think things are going to be better and WHAM it all comes back.  Hope you are sleeping better.  I was for a few nights, but last night I was up until 5.  Hate it, just hate it.  Hate everything about grief.  Sorry for being so down.  Hope for a better day for all of us.


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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Jan 13
Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
" suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
Jan 12
Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Jan 12
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
Jan 12
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
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Rick Rilloraza left a comment for morgan
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Jan 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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