The pain of grief is awful.  We may understand that the body needs to process grief to help us move on, but the question exists...Can we speed it up a little so it doesn't hurt so much?



The answer is Yes and No.  The pain of grief must be felt an experienced to be free from it.  The truth is, the faster you fully experience it, the quicker you'll have more 'non-grieving' periods that you can live your life.  So,…

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I dream of you almost every night. Nothing in particular, you are just "there".  I wake up in the morning and remember you are gone, and its like losing you all over again every single day.  Its been 78 days now.  I still have no idea why you died.  The coroner still hasnt heart from the lab.  Its killing me slowly, every day.  I just want to be where you are, so my broken heart will be whole again. xx

August 21st. It has been 6 years since the death of my husband.

I fumble through day after day of waking up pretending I am okay living without him.

The truth is I lie every single day to myself with affirmations like “death is a part…

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I read a post on another site that made me think about something in a way that I forgot that I had already done with someone else.

When my husband died, I went to my therapist and among a few other questions, he asked me how I was doing.  I told him, of course, I was very upset, but I'd had a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage.  He seemed a bit concerned, which I know he was thinking I was idolizing.  But, I told him yes, my husband and I had our ups and downs.  We had times…

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Today I want to just pack up and run away. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me or knew him. Where I can try and enjoy 5 minutes of life without the reminder that he isn't here with me. He was loved by so many and so many want to honor him and remember him, that everything is about him. I am still so entrenched into his family, which is a blessing and a curse. I helped his mother plan and do a baby shower for his sister-in-law. They kept calling me aunty. T-shirts were made with his…

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You know...I trusted you, Mom.  I'm not sure why I didn't see it before, to be honest.  I don't understand how you could do that to your own son!  Your children.  How?  Why?

I remember you telling me not to tell your side of the family anything that went on with my brother.  Just to tell them that he's fine or I don't know.  I was like in 3rd grade when you did that. …

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Sometimes I look at the last few days or weeks and see separate, distinctive beliefs, feelings, wants, etc. Like having different personalities. No, I'm not schizophrenic.



One part of me wails and screams and sobs uncontrollably for my husband because I am so empty without him. There is no peace in that part of me. Another part has an unwavering faith. A wordless knowledge and complete understanding of all the reasons why, how, where, what... There is faith and peace within this part… Continue

Part of me has died. He is gone and won't be back. I've been with him for nearly half of my life and we have always been together.  Now we are not.  What am I supposed to do?

I am able to drag myself to work and home again.  I am not doing a great job like I used to do, but I show up [barely] do the job and drag myself home again.  He's only been gone just over 2 months.  How do I learn to live and exist when everything stopped when he died. Is there something to do or…

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Ever since my husband died I have become a little indifferent in my belief in God . I hate to say it , I fear thinking it. I still believe in God , I still believe there is nothing that God cannot do . I just do not have blind Faith anymore. I had that blind unrelenting Faith that God would save my husband or at least help him to live long enough to get a transplant. That never happened and I watched him die. I have a real hard time believing that his death was part of a great plan . My…

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I can't stop feeling guilty.

Rationally, I do know that it's what my Dad would have wanted. He would have been fuming if I'd turned down going to university or even put it off for a year to stay at home with him, after I got the news. He'd have wanted me out at the pub with my new friends or slaving over an essay to try and make all the oncoming debts worth while. I know that. I know my Dad, and I know that he'd be rolling his eyes if he could read my mind right now. He'd be saying,…

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Avalynn died June 13, 2015. Though it has been just over a year, my heart is still heavy. I often feel dismissed by friends and family who feel I should be over it by now. They grew impatient a long time ago. So I'm not sure how to deal with the loneliness that is only meant for her to fill. Whether good or difficult memories of her suffering, I cry because I get jealous of myself holding her in that moment. I want so badly to look her in her eyes and see her life, her soul, her joy, trust,…

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I have said many times that I don't really believe in an afterlife, even though I've  had dreams that I can not explain, but earlier I experienced the strangest thing, I was sitting on my sofa reading a news paper when a drop of water dropped on to the paper, then my dog started acting strange he seemed a little spooked, he was looking from one end of the room to another in a bizarre way, I checked the ceiling and it was dry it could not have fell from there, anyway I just googled water…

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Going to the seaside should be fun right? well I took my daughter yesterday, and it was horrible, she missed her dad so much, the sadness on her face was unbearable for me,We spent most of the day walking around silent, shes 10 years ols so she should be full of life, I saw her watching watching other children playing with there dads on the beach like she used to with hers and it was heartbreaking.Its been a year and 3 weeks since we were robbed of the person we loved most in this world and…

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I lost my mom 7 months ago she was my only family member.  I have been her care giver for nearly 10 years  She battle COPD, Congestive heart failure, renal failure and diabetic.  In December 2014 her heart doctor informed me she had a year to live.   I thought he was crazy.  Her primary doctor did not agree.   She came home in March of 2015 after recoverying from heart surgery.   I notice an increase of things she was unable to do.  Her mental alertness and memory was gone.  She had lost…

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Every morning I wake up I cry because I wish I wouldnt wake up.  I hope every night that I will die in my sleep.  Its so selfish I know, because of my son.  I can't help it though.  Its not fair on him to feel this way but I am plummeting further and further down into a black abyss and I can't find the strength to stop.  Tony would have pulled me back.  He knew just the right things to say to help me. God I miss him so much, why did he have to go, why....???