Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have come to the concludion will be my year, 2020 will be the year I join my lady (Nancy) on the other side. How, when or by what means, I don;t know. I just feel a certainty it will happen. Perhaps because of this, I am a little calmer than usual. I miss you guys and still find comfort here. I am always thinking of you and wish you all my best. 

Mel

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Comment by M Adams on February 23, 2020 at 2:56pm

So sorry to hear of your experience with aphasia...how scary and awful! Don’t know if this is what you meant by almost comedic but there is definitely a nasty black humour vibe to inflicting that problem on a radio broadcaster of all people, someone whose ability to speak well is so central to his art, talent, professional identity, etc.  Kind of like Beethoven becoming deaf!  Hope the bout is long over now and that you are back in good voice.

Comment by morgan on February 22, 2020 at 11:26pm

Thanks for checking in Mel.  I had to look up aphasia.  I would hazard a guess that your neural system has taken a beating from your grief and your brain just wants to shut down.  I know I have times where I stutter during a breakdown because those synapses just arent firing.  

Talking of physical ailments, I now think I might have radial melanoma.  Unfortunately it is one of the two types which is slow growing but I have tons of itchy moles with irregular growths and other assorted symptoms that my immune system has been compromised.  I am taking a plane trip the beginning of March and with my immune system the way it is I am hoping I might catch coronavirus.  Sounds insane but if I caught it I don't think I would survive.  I am no longer that holistic, yoga, great physical shape person anymore.  Deliberately,  but it is my way of diminishing myself.  My age would work against me too.  Its out there and maybe it will find me.  

I think in general the pain of grief for me is not as fierce as often but when it does come on me it is insanely unbearable.  I can hope that for all of us our time will be shortened so we might all join our soul sooner and not later.  I can hope for you your 2020 wish comes true.

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