Last night, my 7 year old son Nicholas turned to me and said, "Daddy, I can't miss mommy too much because she's right here!  And he pointed to his head.  I told him, baby boy, your heart is in your chest.  He said, "I know, but I've been having heartburn and thinking of Mommy makes it better!"

I have a lot to learn from my child.

Michael

I have been thinking a lot recently about the years before I lost my Momma Rose and my wife Jami.  

Can recall feeling very lucky for quite a few years that nothing big has happened yet to anyone in my immediate family.

My life was caught up just like everyone else's.  Getting the kids up and ready for school, getting to work, shopping, getting paid, paying bills, going broke, working out, calling Jami from work, getting back home, talking to the squirrels (when my wife was mad…

As I write this, I am crying again. I will go all day, constantly thinking about my Terry, my "Hawk", trying to carry on at work, with life in general while thinking about him, feeling numb, just going through motions. Then something will start me crying again... maybe a kind word from a friend, maybe a photo or one of his pieces of art... as I write this I am crying again. Maybe it is good I cry, to…

Back on August 8th 2011, my post mentioned that I was seeing many Cardinals in my backyard, so many that I couldn't even count them.  Hadn't seen one in the front yard I don't think ever. Then while I was standing outside talking to my mother in law on the phone one day, I mentioned all of the Cardinals in the backyard to her.  She advised me that when my wife (Jami) was a child she would see a Cardinal and yell out "Redbird Redbird" and scare them away.  After she told me of this, I…

Kenny, then Ben, and now Chris.  All terminal cancers.  What am I trying to do with Chris?  Not re-live past losses.  Am I trying to win this time to conquer past losses????

I hope that isn't it.

Cause Chris and I have had 20 yrs of friendship....we tried dating a long time ago, but realized we were better friends.  Through all life has been handing us, we have remained close.

Now I am standing by his side. Pancreatic cancer.  I have to question whether I am masochistic,…

Fall is upon us once again and I'm thinking of bow hunting.

Charles and his dad love the outdoors and hunting.

Every season you come back to me 

As the seasons just keep moving on

they don't change because you're gone

But with…

The stage of Grief that most of us may fall into, and maybe get stuck in, is the anger stage. 

I have to be honest, I feel frustration more than anger, or maybe the frustration is the anger, and it probably is the stress/distress or frustration/anger from the grief.  Whatever it is, my love for my wife and my mother I know will get me through that phase in a healthy way, and come to think of it, maybe through the entire grief.  I have a little boy to raise on my own, and the last…

You came into my life and lit a spark

Your gentle nature stole my heart

The years flew by

You worked so hard

“Tomorrow” we will have time to play.

Well that Tomorrow will never be

I feel so cheated

Lifes so unfair

I’m here alone

You’re taken away

We don’t get another day.

  I find myself remarried to a wonderful Christian man. Even before the first year anniversary of Matt's death has passed. It seems almost surreal. 

  When I found him, cold and lifeless in our bed, I thought my world was over. That perhaps God had given me more than I could handle. I fell apart. Emotionally I put on a strong front. But there were nights when I turned to alcohol to numb my pain. To the point that I broke my foot walking up the stairs after being dropped off after a…

In 1981 I began collecting experiences of people who came to me for counseling and believed they had received a contact from their loved one. I have written 4 books on the subject. Here is a description of the most recent one.

LOVE LIVES ON:

Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved

by

Louis LaGrand, Ph.D., CT

Website:…

Today I feel normal. I am afraid to see tomorrow come because I don't know if my pain and lonesomeness will be back with floods of tears. I lost my husband on April 2, 2011. We were together 15 years. A relationship that started online. We did not marry until February of this year and had put off the official "marriage" for reasons that he and I had wanted our mothers to be there. Unfortunately when he was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in January, we decided that there was no time to…

They say grief comes in stages. Steps that you randomly go through in whatever way you need to go through them. I read a lot about anger being a stage, but really can't ever see myself being mad at my dad for passing. I knew he never wanted to go. To leave my mom, the love of his life for 60 years. He didn't want this.  He only left I think when he knew my mom was safe. The day after I put her in a home, as he told me to, I was able to tell him when she was moved in, was the day he started…

Today I jump started a neighbors car.  Pushed another car into a gas station that ran out of gas.

And loaded up a love seat to take to my step-daughters apartment.   

It is an extremely great feeling to lend a helping hand to others but I am staying home the rest of the day, too dang tired!!!

Anything to take our minds off of grief is fine by me!!!!

Try to make it a good weekend everyonell!

Michael 

It's hard to believe it's 7 months tonight. In one way it seems like a long time, in another way it seems short. I am doing better. I was at my support group tonight for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and I felt like I was able to say a few helpful things. That felt good. When I first went there, I felt very shy and didn't want to say anything. But it is good to talk about it. And with this group, people understand the questions, the regrets, the if only's, and it's OK to talk…

im planing on getting my husbands portrait on my neck.. n do my whole chest in his memory,,,tattoos make me feel better..alot of people judge me n say not to get his pic but who are they to know my pain? if god ever wanted me too find love again (which i doubt) who ever it is has to take me for who  iam n respect my husbands memory!!!! but i honestly think i will never love again in my life or find someone like him!!! i love you!! till we meet again my love!!!