I'm so exhausted. I feel like that's all I ever say anymore. Just wiped out. I don't want to take care of my house, or the bills, or the laundry, or take my kids to their appts, or try to keep up appearances so that others aren't put out. I want some time to absorb and digest this. To freak the hell out without scaring my other kids. I'm tired of my husband staring at me or being rude to me b/c I'm not "acting like I'm happy". He's always watching me, he's either angry b/c I've got my game…

My name is Don and this is my first post here. I lost my wife of 20 years last January to cancer. She battled it for 2 years. I tried to prepare myself in advance for this but I guess I didn't do such a good job because I still fell apart. I went to Griefshare and thought it helped. Then lately I feel like I have been going backwards instead of forwards. I had a vacation in July and just stayed home. I had too much time to think and remember and it turned out really lousy. I never thought I…

I was watching a bird yesterday.  He was on the pavement at a Bucky's store parking lot looking for scraps to eat.  

The poor thing had one leg up in his belly feathers, and was doing really well hopping around on

the one good leg.  I must have watched him for around ten minutes.

It struck me, this bird can fly away anytime, and be free of having only one useful leg. 

Then I thought about my grief, how it has attempted to disable me, depress me, and deprive…

the painted days of of summer have moved on and left you behind

soon there will be a change in the seasons and I am scared

I cry as if I'm going to split and your loss is as though I've had an amputation

The phantom of memories I ache to touch but there is nothing

I lay across my bed and weep my tears into my arms

where as a baby I rocked you in them and comforted…

and how it's altered my life in one fell swoop, changing everything

taking everything I ever knew and trusted and shattering it to the cement

all of my reason and understanding scattered under the immovable parts of reality

I once believed and even knew each day I'd waken to all of my children

laughing, speaking, yelling, screaming, crying, hoping, dreaming

at one time I…

G - igantic

R - edundant

 I  - ntense

E - xhaustive

F - eeling

My goal for us all is to make it a good week!!  Let's all do it together!

It's great to have you all to be in touch with!  Don't you wish time would hurry so the grief could lift.

Time goes fast, but with grief it seems so slow.

Thank you all, you all inspire me and help me to get motivated.

Michael

Today I have been going through pictures.. I've started a scrapbook.. I keep looking for Dad's pictures just to see his smile.. I miss how he would give me a grin when Mom would get after him for something.. Or when I would do something stupid just to make him laugh.. I miss walking through the door and hearing him say my name making sure it was me coming in. Mom has made us go through his things and move everything out of his bedroom and it kills me. I wanted to keep it for a little while…

A poem I wrote a few months ago when a friend was at a loss how to help, unfortunately she is not in contact with me now, she couldn't watch me in pain. I know its hard to see someone you love in pain.

How can I help?

Sometimes the right words are hard to find

but its ok to listen, I don't mind

sometimes its hard to know what to do

but you know, its just good to be with you…

I know that a lot of you have lost loved ones to tragedies like my experience nearly was and must have wondered how your loved ones felt if they knew they were going to die. I guess maybe everyones reactions may be different but felt to share my story and how I felt when I knew I was going to die. I hope it may help in some way.

When I was 11 I was out at sea with my dinghy when a massive freak wave came towards me, I wasn't sure what to do whether to try and ride it or try and get to…

We are not here to suffer, we were not put here to suffer, so let the light shine in and shine on you and your families and your lives!   I believe our loved ones are in the sunshine, in the rain, in the air, and just basically in nature.  They have become a greater and more beautiful part of this world, part of us all!

Life is a continuous process...it never ends!

And Psssst...I'll let you in on a little secret!  They stop by in your dreams, speak to you, caress you, and out…

If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried...
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.

I miss my Mommy oh so much

But I visit her each day

When she goes to sleep

On her pillows where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

And whisper in her ear

Mommy don't be sad today

I'm your baby and I am here"



So you see my dear sweet one

Your children are okay

Your babies are here in My home

And this is where they'll stay

They'll wait for you with Me

Until your lessons are through

And on the day you come…

AND GOD SAID



I said, "God, I hurt."

And God said, "I know."



I said, "God, I cry a lot."

And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."



I said "God, I am so depressed."

And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."



I said, "God, life is so hard."

And God said, "That is why I gave you loved…

I live each day with you in my heart

and you're always on my mind

All of my happy thoughts of you

Help to lighten up the grind

I look at grief, then I look at you

and can see it's not so bad

This grief doesn't even measure up

to all the good times we had

I keep a big umbrella

It opens up like wings

They fly me to a far away place

Where I can see all things

I close my eyes and see a light

That makes me…