Tammy
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  • Staten Island, NY
  • United States
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Tammy's Discussions

Surviving the holidays???
6 Replies

Hello Everyone!I am coming up on the one year anniversary of my husband's death (November 12th) and what would have been our 5 year wedding anniversary (November 19th). I have decided to get away for…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Maria Romero Nov 17, 2010.

Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
60 Replies

Hello Everyone! I am wondering if there are gay and lesbian members who are grieving the loss of their spouse? While grieving is grieving, there are differences in how we grieve, based on the…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Helen Maez Sep 15, 2017.

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Tammy's Page

Latest Activity

Helen Maez replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"Hello my name is Helen and I recently lost my spouse of 30 years to cervical cancer this july. The grief and pain is the worst I have ever experiences in my entire life.furthermore I just found out that my first love when I came out 30 years ago…"
Sep 15, 2017
Tammy replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"Wow Eric! I'm so sorry about the insensitivity of the border officers. You should have received some consideration given the circumstances, but sadly, bureaucracies lack humanity. I really am so sorry this has been torture for you and then to…"
Sep 1, 2013
Eric replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"Thank you, Tammy.  My entry to visit my partner was denied by Las Vegas Customs in February, and he died in June.  It was five months waiting for my lawyers to deal with American border officers, and finally in the end of August I am in…"
Aug 31, 2013
Tammy replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"Eric, I'm really sorry that you weren't able to see your partner one last time before he died. I can't imagine how hard that is for you. I was fortunate that I could see my Jackie and request last rites for her once she died at the…"
Aug 29, 2013
Eric replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"My partner just died on June 26, 2013 in Las Vegas this year.....so "June 26" hits me right there.....  "
Aug 22, 2013
Tammy replied to Kali Grainger's discussion Miss him so much in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Kali,   I felt the same way. I thought that if I lived too long my Jackie would not recognize me when I died or she would find another wife in Heaven. I contemplated suicide and I wished for death for such a long time. My spiritual beliefs…"
Aug 20, 2012
Tammy replied to Kali Grainger's discussion Miss him so much in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Dear Kali, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about Chris. When I lost my spouse in November 2009, I was also surrounded by my wonderful family and so many supportive friends, but you're right...no one truly understands...except…"
Aug 17, 2012
dream moon JO B commented on Tammy's status
"thts ok did u go to 1"
Jun 9, 2012
Tammy posted a status
"Has anyone seen a psychic or medium? If so, will you tell me what that experience was like for you? I have been thinking about seeing one."
May 30, 2012
Tammy replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"Hi Bethany,   Thank you for writing to me and I'm sorry for my late response. I can identify with not connecting to people who can relate to our experiences. Losing a spouse is so unbelievably painful and there are many support groups and…"
May 30, 2012
Bethany Bickel replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"I was also my partner's primary caregiver.  I am so sorry for your horrid year.  I also didn't expect to lose her.  At the end, it went so fast.  I was numb, and grateful for this so I could be strong for her.  I…"
May 23, 2012
Bethany Bickel replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"I am new to the site.  Struggling to get through this time, missing my partner so much.  I am 35, and live in a smaller town.  Not many lesbians, even few in my age range. Just wanted to connect and hear others stories.  "
May 23, 2012
Tammy replied to Stephanie Jewell's discussion How to function after such a horrible loss?... in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Dear Stephanie,   I am so sorry for your loss and I experienced (and continue to experience) similar thoughts and feelings about the sudden death of my spouse when she had a heart attack at home while I was getting ready for work. I replay the…"
May 14, 2012
Tammy and Karen are now friends
May 14, 2012
Tammy replied to Danielle's discussion Unbearable grief in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Dear Danielle,   My heart breaks for you! I lost the love of my life 2 years, 5 months ago. Her death was sudden and traumatic. At the time I felt so alone in the world (despite family and a lot of support) and I believed that the overwhelming…"
Apr 8, 2012
Cris replied to Tammy's discussion Loss of a Gay or Lesbian Spouse
"Hi Tammy, I lost my partner this May after a 5 year struggle with organ failure and transplant, 2 weeks later we lost a dear friend to cancer, and her father to colon cancer as well.  The March prior we lost a best friend and a beloved dog.…"
Nov 25, 2011

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a newly widowed lesbian, who is struggling to deal with the sudden death of my "husband" and the death of my Mother five months later. I am in therapy and have participated in bereavement groups, but I am having a very hard time coping and nights and weekends are the worst. I just want to communicate with people who know how I feel.
About my Loss:
My husband died suddenly one morning in November 2009 while I was getting ready for work. One minute we are doing our morning routine and the next minute My Love was dead. I am still traumatized by his sudden death and I walk around devastated and in such unbearable pain. Unfortunately, my dear Mother died just 5 months (April 2010) later from cancer. While my mother had been battling cancer for some time, her sudden decline in health and her death has compounded my grief. I feel very alone in the world. The two people who loved me best and who I loved best are gone. Life seems meaningless and finding the strength to go on is a daily battle.
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Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 7:36pm on June 26, 2011, Semary Rose said…
I am so sorry for that traumatic morning.  I had a similar experience with finding my husband.  I think about it several times an hour.  I am sorry for your loss and I am here if you ever want to talk or share.
At 8:13pm on June 25, 2011, Semary Rose said…
Tammy, thank you so much for your comment.  I, too, am a vegatarian and hubby was anything but.  It is interesting that you had the same grocery store issues that I do.  I went today for the 2nd "big shopping trip" and spent aobut 80 bucks.  Typically, I spent almost 200.  Yep, life has changed.  Did you find your husband?  Did you call 911?
At 12:45pm on January 12, 2011, Jeannie Porter said…
see my profile and respond if you want to become understanding friends
 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
1 hour ago
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
Monday

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